My grandpa, who was the Champeen Farter of the East Coast, used 1 of 3 excuses when he'd rip a good one.

(imagine a thick Slovenian accent here, if you can:)

(1) (looks at floor) "Floors creakin'"
(2) (looks out window) "Thunder"
(3) (looks at me with big smile) "Frogs"

Joe

i used 2 believe that when you farted all your insides would come out thats why everyone went eww when you farted, i tried for ages not to fart and i used to get really upset when i did

sherminator

When i was a kid i used to hear never pull the tigger on a gun cause it will kill people.

So from then on each time my brother would ask me to pull his finger (you know let out a fart) and i would scream he was trying to kill someone

Matt_31

In my first year of pre school i still hadn't quite figured out that it is inpolite to rip farts in public, so the first time i walked in after i introduced myself i proceded to rip a huge fart right in front of everyone.

Anon

Farts really are Barking Spiders, right?

Anon

I remember being at a restaurant when I was little and my mom said something about the Nazis "gassing the Jews" and I thought she was saying "gassing the juice". I figured it meant when you try to fart but it squirts instead. I couldn't understand why my mom would be talking about something so disgusting while we were eating. (I guess what she was actually talking about wasn't very pleasant dinner conversation either.)

Anon

my mom told me that if i held in too many farts, i would explode. i took it seriously.

ginger

when i was a kid i thought it was against god to not say "excuse me" after i farted or burped i believed this until i was
14

hairylizzard

I used to believe you could fart a bubble from swallowed gum and float away.....

Michele

I thought that, when you would experience flatulence, a bubble would appear in your pants and the bigger the "release", the larger the bubble. This is why you wouldn't want to experience a large "release" in a public place because it was more likely that someone would notice.

Steve Hagen

When my sister and I were younger I used to tell her that when people farted it left a bubble in the seat of their pants. She thought that's what butts were. People with big butts farted a lot and were very stinky.

Kitty

I used to believe that my immediate family were the only people in the world that farted

Rainbow

Sometimes I would walk through a room and let a fart, and then say "Watch out for that barking spider". One day my 8 year old son jumped up on the couch to avoid the spider. That's when I found out that he thought barking spiders were real.

Anon

when i was younger (8 or 9) and i farted my dad used to tell me not to worry, that my bum just coughed.

james

A friend of mine used to think that if she let a poot that she could sniff it all up in her nose so that no one else would smell it. yuck!

toothfairy

When I was younger, I thought that when you farted, a little brown, smelly bubble would pop out of your butt, and then it would pop loudly. When it popped, a nasty-smelling gas would be released, and if some of the gas got on your clothing, you would smell bad forever. This resulted in: a) me looking behind myself after farting (to see the bubble) and b) me jumping as soon as I farted (so no gas got on my clothes!)

Charlie (aka FartBoy)

when i was 8 or 9 i used to think that when i farted i couldn't breath in. that was cuz if something can smell so bad, then it MUST be poison

out of breath

I used to believe that if you stood in front of an open woodstove when it was hot, and farted, the tozic fumes of the fart would catch fire. I tried this many times, and so did my brother, but alas we could never make our farts catch fire.

Anon

when i was younger... i used to cry every time i would fart... b/c my friend told me once, that if you farted too much... you would lose all the air inside of you-- and deflate lke a big balloon.

M Fizzle and K Lizzle

I have a friend who things that if you don't let all the air out when you yawn it will turn into a burp and if you dont burp it'll turn into a fart

Usagi Ohkami