I Used To Believe newsletter: March 2008
Hi,
People are fond of their cats, but did you realise just how much a part of the family they can be? On the ever popular subject of belly buttons, this month we have the solution for broken ones that don't allow you to detach into pieces - navel hospital.
For more great beliefs visit www.iusedtobelieve.com or get the book of the site, Butter Comes From Butterflies, available from Amazon and all good booksellers!
Have fun,
Mat.
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My mother made me believe that if you eat ear wax, you become mute. I convinced my cousin to believe this as well. One day, when my mother sent us to sleep early, we were so upset that we decided to eat each other's ear wax to be mute as a protest.
CaiBunny
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When I was little I believed that if you wore corduroy pants and ran really fast they would catch fire.
Anon
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My dad once told me when I was little that my bum would fall off if I put a screwdriver in my belly button and turned it three times. I thought it would be cool to have a detachable bum so I tried it - when my bum didn't fall off I cried because I thought my belly button was broken.
Anon
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I must have been about 6 the first time I heard someone use the phrase "human being", which to me sounded like "human bean". I panicked because I liked beans and wondered which ones came from humans. My cousin who was about 14 told me that kidney beans came out of human kidneys. I don't think I ate chili for about 5 years.
Bean eater
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When I was 5 my dad told me that if I put my hair behind my ears, I would turn in to a elf. For the first 8 years of my life I never put my hair behind my ears.
Anon
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When I was about 5, I asked my mom why her friend didn't have any kids. She told me that her friend had cats instead of children. I took that to mean that one could choose whether to give birth to humans or cats, and decided that I would have cats when I was older.
T
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When I was little, I used to believe that "vanilla" was pronounced "funilla" and that you were only allowed to eat vanilla ice cream when you were having A LOT of fun, so whenever my parents took me out to get ice cream I always exaggerated my mood so I could order "funilla"...
Anon
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When I was a kid I would complain to my mom that I was bored and if she couldn't think of anything she used to tell me to use my imagination. For some reason I thought my imagination was the colours and lights I saw if I closed my eyes and pressed on my eyeballs. Needless to say, I didn't have a very good opinion of imagination and couldn't understand why my mom was suggesting this to me as a form of entertainment.
Anon
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When I was around 5 or 6 I invented an imaginary wife named Sonja. At that age, I only knew one phone number besides my own (that wasn't an emergency number), that played the local weather forecast. I'd call it and have conversations with her. I think the imaginary marriage lasted a couple of years.
Jerry Jeff Nathaniel
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When I was young I went to a farm and two cows were, ahh, "having fun". A girl about my age told me that they were training for the circus. Every time I went to the zoo and saw two animals "having fun", I would say "Look, they're training for the circus". This continued until 10 when I found out where babies REALLY came from.
Anon
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When I was little, we drove by a bank called the Union bank. I misread it and thought it said Onion bank. I asked my mom and my older sister about it and they told me that it was where people went to put all their onions, so I thought onions were like money and would hoard them in my room (it started to smell weird). It took me a long time to realize how wrong I was.
bananaslisas
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My father told me that Spam was a mix of sparrow and ham. I believed this for years.
Tara the Terror
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I was once in my mom's car when we drove past a 'naval hospital'. I thought it was a navel hospital - a hospital for people with injured belly buttons.
Catherine
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I used to think that strip malls were places men went to shop, so they could buy goods and be entertained by strippers placed randomly throughout the mall.
Jessica
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I used to believe that my cat was my little brother dressed up in a costume, until one day I asked if my brother could have dessert and was sad to learn from my mother that I didn't have a brother.
flabergasted
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Up until I was 15, I always thought pasteurized milk meant you took a bucket of milk and put it in a pasture for a couple of days. Learned the truth in chem. class.
taladon
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When I was a little girl my dad closely resembled William Shatner on Star Trek. I asked my dad if that was his brother and he said yes. The same thing with my uncle who looked like the country singer Don Williams - he said "Sure he's my brother!" I was soooo clueless about how families work. I told everyone that Captain Kirk and Don Williams were my uncles.
julia
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When I was a kid I used to believe that clouds were made out of magical cotton candy which changed flavors as the clouds changed color at sunset. I planned on buying a ladder to reach the clouds so I'd be able to stuff my face with the delicious cloud candy. I also believed that this ladder would only need to be about 2 or 3 times the height of my favorite big maple climbing tree, and that it wouldn't be scary to climb it.
Miss Lord
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Until I got to high school I believed that Spain was a planet where people were allowed to live. I never realised why I failed every school science project up until then... it was such a shock when I found out Spain was a country.
Sarah
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I live in Illinois, and I was 8 years old when we had a gubernatorial election. We had a mock election at school, and the night before, my dad sat me down to talk about the candidates for governor. Although our family is Democratic, my dad advised me not to "vote" for Glenn Poshard since he was in favor of legalizing assault weapons. I didn't hear the "a" in "assault" and thought he said "salt weapons." I literally spent the next four-or-so years of my life wondering what on earth a "salt weapon" was — I envisioned a machine gun that spewed out salt shakers, and salt that was somehow caustic enough to kill people.
Cat
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