ten random beliefs
i used to believe that bras were bullet-proof vests for women.
I used to believe that my Aunty could steal all my bones. She would tell me she had stolen them and I would scream until she gave them back.
When I was younger I used to believe that the small sand bags workmen put onto mobile roadworks signs to stop them blowing over were dead baby pigs!
After all they are a similar colour.
In the back of my dad's car one day I saw lots of them laid out on the side of the road, I screamed out - "mum, dad, there's been a massive accident, look at all the dead pigs" !!!
When I was little, I was absolutely convinced that if I could just get my parents to attach the furniture to the ceilings I'd be able to walk on the ceilings normally. I still want an upside-down room, and I'm 32.
I was convinced that my parents never actually took me out of my home town. They would put me in the car and have some sort of elaborate get up outside that would make fake scenery for me to watch whilst they created the 'new' outside. So after 2 days of travelling - as far as I was concerned, we hadn't gone anywhere, it was just warmer.
We all know what going to the toilet and defining what #1 and #2 are, well, I believed that diarrhea was #3 as it seemed to combine 1+2. I actually thought there was a human body short circuit where the two were getting combined internally.
When I was 14 I went through a Jane Austin phase. Around the same time I decided I was going to be a childcare worker when I finished school.
On the train one day a man asked me what I was going to do when I finished school and I told him I was going to be a wet nurse.
He was absolutely stunned for a few seconds and then said that that was a very unusual occupation these days and I looked at him as though he were mad and said 'Are you kidding? It's very common!" and then changed seats so I wouldn't have to sit next to the madman any longer.
It was a year or two later that I found out what a wet nurse does... and I will remember that poor man's expression forever.
I used to believe that if you killed a spider, for example stepping on it and crushing it, that in the final second before it died it sent out signals calling all other spiders within a certain range to the spot. So I was always careful, after killing a spider, to leave the immediate vicinity to avoid being swarmed by thousands of spiders!
when i was six i used to play with some buttons & spread them all out on the floor, & my mum said that if i didnt put them all away they'd take root in the carpet & grow into massive button trees in the living room. it really worried me..
My poop was always around the same color as my skin so I assumed white people's poop was white.