In grade five I believed that 'virgin' was synonomous with 'a kind person', like the Virgin Mary. I couldn't understand the shrieks of my classmates when I exclaimed in an argument that I wasn't *always* a virgin!

pure of heart and hard of head

I used to believe that the Jesus on the Crucifixes was the real Jesus that had shrunk somehow. I would always try to feed it little bits of food because he looked really hungry and nobody ever fed him.

Danie

I was brought up Catholic and attended Catechism when I was very young. Anyway, when I was about six or seven years old our teacher told us that we always had to be good because God was EVERYWHERE watching us. She said it in that ominous tone of voice that grown-ups use when they're trying to drive a point home.
This terrified me. I had visions of God watching me go to the bathroom, getting dressed, taking a shower, etc. I decided I was going to have to start hiding from him so I started changing my clothes in my closet. One day my mom caught me and asked me what I was doing and when I explained to her what I was told she told me, "God saw you naked when you were first born, He doesn't care. Now come out of there and get dressed." After that, I didn't have a problem. Of course, now I'm a grown up and I have since stopped believing in the Catholic Church and I'm on the fence about God.

Chelle

When I was small my parents gave me a savings account at the bank and I used to put away part of my Christmas money every year and watch the interest added up on the book. Just after I learned to read I saw a sign that read. "Jesus Saves!" Thereafter I believed that Jesus also had a savings passbook and collected interest regularly. I can distinctly remember walking up to the bank teller to deposit some Christmas money and when she had noted the addition to my savings account and handed me my passbook I gleefully said, "Jesus saves!" It felt so good to be doing my Christian duty by saving money. This rite was mine until I was ten years old.

Larry

When I was young I remember the vicar telling us "Jesus died so that everyone else may live", but he didn't explain how exactly this worked. So I imagined the devil holding a gun to Jesus' head saying "Right Jesus, either I shoot you or I shoot everyone else on this planet."

This also meant that I didn't understand why everyone made such a big deal about his "sacrifice", since it was the obvious choice.

Caroline

I used to think that when my parents and everyone else at church told me that Jesus loved me, that it was romantic love. I was afraid to go to church because I didn't feel the same way and didn't want to hurt Jesus's feelings.

The churchgoer who knows better now

I thought god looked like the face on the play-doh can!

Jonathan Franz

i used to beleve jesus was my moms ex-husbend.

Anon

When I was around five my grandmother read me a Bible story, the one about the garden of Eden and all that Jazz. Unfortuantely, she had a very hard to understand Ukranian accent and I couldn't understand her for the most part. As a result, I walked away from the story under the impression that both snakes and apples were evil, and refused to eat apples from that day until I grew a brain.

Crazy Elf

I used to think God was Captain Planet.

Anon

When my cousin was younger she went to Sunday school for the first time. She had a lot of fun and just had to tell her dad about everything she learned. Imagen his embarrassment when she proudly exclaimed "I LEARNED ALL ABOUT THE JEWS AND GENITALS!"

LOL

I used to believe that Jesus and his disciples must have had very smelly feet... because the Bible always talked about how they had their feet washed when they went into people's houses.

Anon

When I was a young lad I used to believe that Jesus's last name was Murphy. I would hear my father saying it all the time "Jesus H. Murphy". Needless to say this belief ended with a conference between my Sunday School teacher and my parents.

Ghastly

When I was very young, my older sister tried explaining to me about God and what he does.

She told me that God was like a magician and that He created me...

I then of course imagined for years that God was a stage magician with a black top hat, a black curly mustache, a wand, and a long cape...

I imagined Heaven to be a big magic show in which God pulled babies out of hats much like magicians do with rabbits

Daron

When my family goes to New Hampshire to visit my grandma, we often go to a town called Bethlehem to shop. I used think Jesus was born in New Hampshire!

Emmy

I used to think that the sky was blue because God, a handsome, toga wearing, blonde man in his 20's, would get all the animals in the forest to stand one by one on each others' shoulders and hold up a piece of blue construction paper. Obviously, night was black construction paper.

Mark Gould

I used to believe that Jesus was crucified in Pantasaph near my home town in North Wales. I was always fascinated by his ability to talk in tongues as that was obviously why no-one referred directly to him speaking Welsh.

Jo

This iz really weird, but when I was little, I thought God looked like Inspector Gadget with a surgical mask on. I have NO clue why!

La Blue Eyes

When I was little I attended a religious kindergarten..Everyday our teachers would sing a song and play the piano and call it "One of God's songs" ..so one day at home my mom overheard my friend tell me that he should be able to play with a certain toy of mine because "God made it, he makes everything".. and I replied "No he does NOT..all God does is write piano music!"

Caja

My little brother was learning the Lord's prayer for his First Communion, and misheard the "hallowed be thy name" part as "Howard be thy name". Our school bus driver was named Howard. He told me later that he used to feel sorry for all the other kids who weren't lucky enough to have God driving them to school like we did.

ames