Until I was eleven I used to believe in God. From the age of five my parents sent me and my younger brother to Sunday School each week, giving us a few pence each to put in the offering plate. When I realised that we hadn't been caught spending half of the offering money in the sweet shop each Sunday for the previous four years I stopped believing in any form of omniscient being. Sorry, Mum!

Rich

When I was a kid of 8 or 9, I read the Ten Commandments for the first time (our family was not religious), and upon coming to "Thou shalt not commit adultery," asked my mother what "adultery" was.

She was not aware of what I had been reading, but explained, quite accurately, that adultery was putting water into wine or other alcoholic drinks to make them weaker.

For a long time I thought, "Man! God is REALLY SERIOUS about making sure people get what they pay for in a bar!"

The God of Weights and Measures Standards

When I was very small the Catholic Church used the old LAtin liturgy, and the priest celebrated mass with his back to the congregation. During the consecration, a lot happened. The priest washed his hands, poured some water into a chalice, then he would make the sign of the cross over the chalice, which seemed a sort of stirring motion when seen from behind. A few moments later he opened the tabernacle, and took out a chalice full of already consecrated hosts. Naturally, I thought the tabernacle was a small oven, and the priest had stirred up a batch of communion wafers and baked them on the spot.

Mary

I used to believe that God lived in the men's room of my childhood church. This was mainly due to my Sunday School teacher telling our class that he lived at our church, and my not being able to find him in any other room. The only room I couldn't enter was the men's room, so I assumed that because I didn't see him anywhere else, that's where he must live. I think I was 6.

Jupiter

When I first went to Sunday School I was frightened and cried. There were some glass globes full of water and bubbles sometimes could be seen. They were only drinking water dispensors, but I thought it was Holy Water and the bubbles were the Holy Ghost.

Poco Loco

I used to believe the local Catholic church was Disney Land.

Sherri

When I was in 5th grade our teacher went around the room asking us our religious beliefs. Well, I was the only one in my class who wasn't catholic and when it came my turn I told her "I'm Prostitute" and when she looked at me in disbelief I continued by saying "It's true, ask my mom, she's one too!"

tag

When i eas little, when i went to church, the preacher always said that it was God's house, and i thought that it literally was his house and that he lived in the steeple.

Anon

There was a certain drinking fountain at my church that I always drank out of from the time I was a toddler. There was a plaque mounted on the wall next to this drinking fountain that had the Bible verse that said "Whoever drinks this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst again."

I remember when I learned to read, I read that plaque and I thought that the reason I ever got thirsty was BECAUSE I had drank from that drinking fountain. I remember thinking that it was too bad I drank from it before I learned to read-- if I hadn't, I would never get thirsty ever again!

Marie

I used to believe that during Catholic Mass, when parishoners greet each other and whisper "Peace be with you", they were whispering "psst psst psst".

Jeff

Growing up as an Irish catholic, each household was expected to make a meatier donation than usual at Christmas and Easter. These were known as the Christmas Dues and Easter Dues respectively.

I used to think that they were donations for poor Jewish people.

Peter T.