when i was little i went to a church with pastors. one of them was pastor mike, but everyone just called him pastor, i thought his first name was pastor and his middle name was mike.

michelle

when the Priest in my church used to say something about praying "as our lord tortoise"... i thought that God had the ability to change into a tortoise or something

Anon

When I first started going to church with my mother, I was too short to see over the seats in front of me to the altar. When the mass started, I couldn't tell where the voice was coming from! I honestly thought it was the voice of God speaking to us from the loudspeakers on the walls. I thought it was funny that God sounded a lot like Father Joyce....

Jess

I used to believe that the catholic church I attended was very special to the pope. It was one of the only churches that were given permission to feed the congregation "the body of christ","the blood of christ" on Sundays. It's TRUE, and as you know the're very little Jesus to go around.

Venus

When I was small I didn't know the difference between the words 'protestant' and 'prostitute', and thought they meant the same thing- needless to say I caused my mother alot of embarrassment one day when walking past a church.

Ellie

When they used to do the whole collection thing at church I didn't understand that the money went towards the church, I thought the people taking up the collection were tricking everyone into putting the money in the basket and then they'd keep it so they'd be rich.

K.R.

When I was little there was a dirt road across the street from my house. Down the dirt road there was a fenced and gated pasture. In the pasture there were a lot of fruit and flowering trees. I knew that I had found where the garden of eden was located! I would smile to myself when my sunday school teacher would say that no one knows where the garden was located - I knew- in GA obviously!

Anon

I used to think that the only reason we went to church on Sunday mornings was for food -- I assumed Church was a restaurant! Whoopsies!

Anon

I used to believe that an egg would magically appear in one of the special little gold boxes at the front of the (Catholic) church I went to. It was supposed to be like magic. But then I started to wonder if the priest just put it in there when no one was looking.

Anon

when i was about 12 or 13 my parents out of the blue decided that I had better start going to sunday school.

the friday before I had a Physics lesson at school where we were taught about gravity and did experiments on floating objects - anyway the following Sunday my sunday school lesson was about the miracle of Jesus walking on water to which i started up a scientific discussion about how impossible this would be and how it was all a lie - I then proceeded to go through all of the miracles and denoucing them with my new found scientific knowledge - the teacher had to send all of the other children out of the class so they didn't have to listen to the voice of a non believer and the priest was called out of service to telephone my mum so she could come and get me - there you would think the embarrasment ended but no to my horror my rather firey mother turned up in the front of the church where she proceed to hurl abuse at various members of the congregation, who had come out to see the spectacle, and defended my arguments with the priest down to the last.

I never went back and shortly after that my family moved to another parish !

steph

A common expression in the church I attended when younger is it was the house of the Lord. I always wondered where he was when we were "visiting his house", and I believed he was behind this door in the front of the chapel (housing the organ machinery) and our pastor was there in front to prevent us from going up and disturbing Him.

Mike

When me and my brother were little we used to want to go to midnight mass on christmas eve whereas my mum could never be bothered so to try to stop us she told us that "if we went to midnight mass then santa wont come here" that made up my mind quickly enough..santa was better than church any day

Anon

I used to get confused with the indians out of the cowboy & indian films and Jesus Christ in the religious films. I though Jesus and the indians were the baddies because Jesus must have been bad to have all the town against him and he was crucified. There was a cupboard that the priest was opening during service and in the moment of silence I asked my mother in a foghorn voice "Is that Jesus's Jail?"

Scaussie

When I was younger, I went to Catholic church with my parents... and anyone who's been to as many Catholic masses as I have remembers how at the end of the mass when the priest says, "Go in peace to love and serve the Lord," we respond, "thanks be to God".

Well, when I was little, I used to think that we were saying "thanks speedy God." It made a lot more sense to me at the time... and everything I knew about God at the time fell right in line with him being speedy.

Sarah

When I was small, I thought that the reason that girls had to wear skirts in church was so that God could check and see if we were wearing clean underwear. I thought he checked the boys in the bathroom, cause boys could go without underwear but girls couldn't. They were always talking in church about how he was watching us all the time!

C Ratliff

i used to believe that the lines said by the priest will turn one to a priest. so i cried every time i saw my dad mumbled the priest's lines during mass because i thought that will turn him into a priest and then he'll leave us forever.

erin

I used to believe that nuns had to hold in their pee for penance. I wasn't even brought up religiously, so who knows where the idea of penance even came in.

Anon

When I was 5 years old, my minister's name was Pastor Luthro, and the church was named Trinity Lutheran Church. When the pastor left and a new one arrived, I could not figure out why they didn't re-name the church.

Marilyn

I used to believe that when you were at church handing offerings in the little tray, the pastor would then take the money outside and throw it up in the air so God could catch it.

Danielle, AL

At my church, there's a life-size statue of Jesus on the cross, hanging on one of the walls. For years I thought that was Jesus Himself, the actual body, watching my every move!

Anon