My mother told me an Exorcist was a man who "Drives away demons". Then I asked my dad what an Exorcist was. He said "A man who says prayers, uses special objects, and things like that to get demons out of peoples body". Combining these two bits of info together, I thought they would exorcise the demon, toss him in his car trunk, and drive him to heck.

I got a scab on my finger.

I used to think that when people were immersed in the baptistry at church, the floor under the water would open up and these big metal clamps would grab them and pull them below the floor. Simultaneously, a robot that looked exactly like them would pop up from under the water. Then the robot would take their place in life, but nobody except the pastor knew about this.

Anon

I used to believe a lot of things about church. One thing I used to think was that God literally LIVED in my church, but was invisible when anyone walked in for mass. When no one was in the church, he would eat communion at the altar, read the hymnals, take baths in the baptismal font, and basically live in the church like one would live in a house.

I also used this belief to think that the reason that so many bad things happened in the world because God would sleep on the pews, which are so uncomfortable that anyone who sleeps on them would be cranky in the morning!

Jenny

As a child i was dragged to the local church of england church, down the road. Not being particularly religous or anything like that when my parents bowed their heads to pray before the vicer went the speak, i thought the back of the pew they were leaning their heads on was a communication device like a phone and tey were chatting the dead relatives. As i didnt know anyone dead i used to try and talk to the ladybirds ide crushed on the way down.

Now i dont go to chusrch any more, those ladybirds probably miss me.

Jimbo, england

I thought they used to make the wafers for communion during the mass and that the oven was at the alter in the front of the church. When the priest would kneel down (which happens often right before the handing out of communion), I thought he was checking the oven to see if the wafers were done. I guess I grew up around too many cooks.

jd

When we went to confession we were supposed to say the Act of
Contrition, which began with the words, "Oh my God, I'm heartily
sorry for having offended thee." I thought the words were "hardly sorry"
and I didn't understand why I had to confess if I was hardly sorry. (And I
usually WASN'T sorry!)

Kathy

I was the only non catholic student at my catholic primary school and believed that since I was not catholic if I was to touch holy water to my forhead my finger would burn right through my skin into my brain.

Jenny

As a child I was terrified of vomiting...especially in public. The only place, besides home, I felt safe was in church, because I knew God would never allow me to vomit in church!
One day as we were leaving church after mass, we saw that someone had vomited on the steps. From then on, I became afraid of going to mass also.

vanillabean

My mom always told me that everyone was Catholic; the big Protestant church next to ours was where the wealthy Catholics worshipped, etc. I overheard her tell my dad one day that a neighbor was dating a Jew. I was estatic! I thought this girl had discovered this lone iconoclast in some foreign land (most likely a shephard) who was the Bartleby of organized religion. I lingered around the girl's house for weeks, waiting for the guy in a robe and sandals to show up, but the only boy that came to see her was this regular hippy kid. I resented him, because I thought he was trying to get between her and the Jewish guy I longed to meet.

bbixdog

When I was a little kid I took the whole make everyone go to church thing quite seriously, and I kept trying to get a millionaire friend of my dad to go. He would always say that the roof would fall in if he walked into a church. I was convinced that he believed this to be true and that he thought his being fat would somehow compromise the integrity of the building. So I told him that there were many fat people who go to our church and It hasn't fallen in yet. My dad was totally embarrassed by my saying this but his friend practically gave himself a heart attack from laughing so hard. I learned much later that he was probably talking about not fitting in because he was a totally pervy party animal.

Anon

When I was a little Catholic girl, I knew there were Catholic schools and public schools, so I thought there were two religions, Catholic and "public." When I met a new friend, I asked her, "Are you Catholic or public?" As you can imagine, that got me strange looks.

Anon

I was raised Catholic. I went to church and knew that, because i believed in Christ, i was called a Christian.

I used to think that the Jews were the people who believed in Judas. I actually thought that until i was about 12.

Eloy

I used to believe the local Catholic church was Disney Land.

Sherri

I used to think that the "Father, Son and holy spirit" was the "Father, Son and holy speaker" so when ever i saw black stereo speaker i thought it was the holy spirit.

Anon

I went to preschool in the basement of a church in my earlier years, so every day we would learn a little about God or Moses or another Bible story. Every day we were told 'God is watching!'
One day at snack time, we were all sitting at 'The Big Table' (there were around 30 of us) and at one end, there was a big platter with apples on it. On my side of the table, there was a plate of cookies. Ine of the teachers warned us,
"Only one apple each, God is watching!"
I took a piece of paper and wrote (I had just learned how to spell and sound out words recently):
'Tak az meni cookyz az yu want. Godz waching tha appls.'
I put it on the cookie plate and everyone started eating the cookies. I was scolded by one of the teachers but got to keep the note as a keepsake.

Marshmello Da Strawberry Cow

I used to believe that when they served communion at church, it was because the service was so long that they had to supply a snack for everyone. My parents finally explained the truth about communion to me after I boldly walked to the usher and grabbed a whole handful of the cracker/wafers. After all...I was hungry!

Jessica

I thought that a mosque (a muslim church) was a place where mosquitoes live.

Anon

I used to believe that Jehovah's Witnesses were 'Hovis Witnesses' who would force me to eat the hated Hovis brown bread.

Jan

When I was a kid I had a friend who was episcopalean (spelling?) I always thought he was saying "Popsicle Aien." For that reason, I thought he was cool, and we became friends. There was something about building tree houses with an alien that fascinated me!

Curtis

When I was a kid, I just assumed we were Mormons and went to a Mormon church service. The once or twice a year when relatives got together, the 'old folks' would talk about this or that relative being a Mormon or belonging to the Mormon side of the family. Wasn't I confused when one day I overheard Mom talking on the phone, telling whoever it was that we attended the Presbyterian church. And wasn't she surprised when at dinner I said with a puzzled look, "Mom, I thought we were Mormons?" A light of understanding clicked on when, after 9 adults and 1 big brother finally quit laughing, Mom said, "Honey, that's a family name - Moorman."

Anon