I thought you were supposed to take money out of the collection at church.

Wangchuk

When I was just a little kid, there were Coca-Cola commercials on at the time that would always end with a person taking a drink of Coke, and saying: "Ahhh". The priest at my church would always say "Ahhh" (but more of an exhaling of breath than an Ahhh) after he took a drink from the chalice. This lead me to believe that the priest had Coca-cola in his chalice.

Anon

I went on a date once with a religious Jewish man. He told me that as a little boy, it never bothered him that he could eat only kosher food, and not, say, at McDonalds, because all the non-Jews who ate at McDonalds weren't allowed to eat kosher food. Fair is fair.

When he found out that HE was limited to kosher food and THEY could eat kosher AND non-kosher, he felt really cheated. (But he still keeps kosher.)

Sarah

When I was little, a friend of the family took me to her Catholic church with her. Never having seen a crucifix before (Jewish here), I thought it was real. Not real, as it 'the statue actually exists for you to look at' but real as in 'it is what it appears to be and it's happening right now' real. I couldn't figure out why someone was suffering horribly and no one was doing anything but celebrating a mass of something.

Then came communion. 'This is my body,' or something like that was said. I asked the family friend if who was talking and she said that it was from Jesus, the person in the front of the room. I thought that the guy in black was cutting parts off from the feet and feeding it to everyone. I asked the family friend if it was because Jesus had been naughty. 'No, he was very, very good' was the response.

Uhhh...'Am I a bad girl?' I asked. 'No, you are a very good girl.'

A few seconds passed while I mulled it over. I ended up screaming bloody murder and ran out of there so fast I almost fell into the thing with the holy water in it.

Anon

I was raised Catholic, and when I was very young, my mother would always take me to children's mass in the auditorium of the local Catholic school. I had never attended mass in the actual church, but was dying to do so, because I was told that it was "God's House". I thought if I could just get across the street to the church Jesus would be in there, just hanging out, and I could meet him.

Pyper

When I was younger, I believed that Priests could get married, but only to Nuns

MJF

As a Catholic, I hated going to confession when I was little. I could never remember anything wrong I had done or any lies I had told, so I would make something up, promising myself I would confess that lie at the next confession. Always thought I would be struck down for lieing about lieing!

Clare

I was raised Catholic but just couldn't understand the whole Confession thing when I became old enough to go. My catechism teacher and I had the following discussion.

Me: So I tell the priest what I did, he gives me a penance, and I'm forgiven?
Teacher: Yes
Me: But God already knows what I did, right?
Teacher: Yes
Me: So if I wasn't REALLY sorry for what I did, God would know, right?
Teacher: Yes
Me: But the priest wouldn't know if I wasn't sorry at all, would he?
Teacher: No, he wouldn't.
Me: So if the priest doesn't know if I'm sorry or not but God does, then how am I forgiven just for saying 3 Hail Mary's?
Teacher: Go sit down.

V.

When I was a kid, I was watching an episode of Starsky and Hutch and there was a prostitute in it. I wasn't exactly sure what a prostitute was but I thought it was a something to do with religion, maybe the opposite of a Catholic? I asked my Gran "What's a prostitute" and her jaw dropped open with shock before she eventully said "A prostitute is a very naughty girl". I couldn't understand it - surely people who went to church a lot weren't naughty?

ange

when I was little my parents would still go to church every week and i would go with them so then when we had communion I was more than a little confusee witht the concept of the body and the blood of christ but i let it go as i was quite happy to get something to eat. Then shortly after I couldn't sleep 1 night and went down stairs to find my teenage brother waching a tv programme and he let me stay up and watch it 2. The tv programme happened to be on cults and the part that really stuck out to be was a section on cannabilism after which i quickly went to bed and cried myslelf to sleep. The next day I stayed in at break and told my teacher that my parents had made me join a cult and eat a person :) OOOhhh that was a strange call my parentss got from the school

Alee

I was convinced that God was married to Mother Nature until I went through Confirmation in the eigth grade.

My pastor thought it was funny and told the whole congragation about it the next Sunday.

Meagan

I used to be an alter boy and when we served funerals we got money off the family for serving and I used to think they payed us to cry so it would look better.

Andrew

When my mom was younger, her family attended this really traditional Roman Catholic Church where the service was entirely in Latin, so you couldn't really understand what was going on. A bell was rung when they did communion, and it was a really solemn part of the mass. When her parents brought her younger sister to church for the first time, the bells were rung for communion and her little sister stood up on the pew and shouted "Wait a minute, Hoppy! I want ice cream!" (Hoppy was the driver of the town ice cream truck, and she thought that the bells she heard came from the ice cream truck)

Anon

When we would sing songs at church, they displayed the lyrics on a projection screen by using a classroom styled projector with transparencies. Naturally, when the the person in charge would move or change the transparencies, the shadow of their hand would appear on the screen. Not being aware of the projector, I assumed that the large hand I saw clearly was the hand of God.

Katrina

I asked my father what holy water was. He told me it was the priest's bathwater.

Gwen

When I was at the christening of my sisters 3rd child. Her first child said as the Vicar approached, "Are you God". To this the Vicar with an air of self importance replied, "Very nearly my son, very nearly".

Neil Swift

I used to think when I was little that when you had your first communion they nailed you to a cross. When I learned in religion class I would be having mine soon, I cried and when the teacher asked me what was wrong I said "Just because they did it to Jesus doesn't mean they have to do it to me!"

me

I used to believe that if you didn't go to church enough the nuns would trap you by doing cartwheels all around you.

Anon

Growing up as an Irish catholic, each household was expected to make a meatier donation than usual at Christmas and Easter. These were known as the Christmas Dues and Easter Dues respectively.

I used to think that they were donations for poor Jewish people.

Peter T.

I used to believe until about the age of of 9 or so that the angels were actually singing in church. I was SO disappointed when I turned around one day and saw the choir! To tell the truth, I am still disappointed to this day!

Shiloh Butterfield