I once asked my older sister what a nun was (we're not Catholic), and she told me that it was a half man half woman. Needless to say, watching the movie "Sister Act" with Whoopi Goldberg was quite traumatic for me.

ellenas

The deadline for signing up to be an altar boy was fast approaching, and I knew my family wanted me to join. My mom found me depressed and crying the night before the deadline. She pressed me for details, and I admitted that I just wasn't sure I wanted to sign my life over to the priesthood yet. Where in the world I got the idea that becoming an altar boy meant I was a priest for life, I have no idea, but mom's reassurances never provided more comfort than on that night.

Mike G.

At my first confession when I was 7, I couldn't think of anything to confess. So I made up some sins and lied to the priest.

That may well have been the first actual sin I've ever committed.

Anon

I used to believe that there was a killer robot living in the janitor's closet in the basement of the church. My friend and I would find "clues" that fueled the belief, such as footprints and spots on the floor that looked like an oil leak.

Anon.

We were told in catholic grade school that during mass if our backside touched the pew it would be stuck there forever.

Mark Levandowski

My mom always told told that you couldn't sew anything on Sunday, it was a sin, and if you did when you got to heaven God would make you pick stiches out of your nose.

Peg Dalzell

When I would go to church or Catholic school, I would always see the bible chapter and verse notation at the end of any quote or passage, like John 3:16. Because I didn't know any better, I was sure that the little note at the end of the bible verse was the guy who wrote it, and the time he finished. So, in my mind, John would have signed his name, and looking at his digital watch, put down 3:16.

Tim

I went to a Catholic school and when the teachers talked about communion they told us it was "the body and blood of Jesus Christ"...I pictured Jesus in heaven (heaven located on the clouds of course) with a cheese grater (the kind that gives u slices of cheese) carving off peices of his skin for us to eat. For the wine i pictured him cutting his arm and bleeding into a cup.... I thought this was true for years...

Ashely

In church we'd say the Nicene Creed, and whenever we'd say 'On the third day he rose again in fulfillment of the scriptures' I thought the words were 'in the filming of the scriptures.' I imagined the disciples watching a movie - a film - of Jesus coming back to life, with one of them in the back of the room running the projector.

queeneve

I was told by my teacher that when a person gives charity, god will reward him with double of what he has given.

When I was in the synagouge my father gave charity and took back change, I tought he had taken back double of what he has given.

Dave

When I heard the priest lived at the church, I thought it meant he actually lived in the sanctuary. I assumed he slept on the organ.

Anon

My six year-old cousin thought that virgins were people who went to Church, and went around declaring that she wasn't a virgin.

Anon

I used to wonder what the nuns' husbands thought of their poor fashion sense...we had Franciscan nuns at my church when I was a little girl.

Anon

When I was very young, I used to hear adults refer to church as "the house of God", so one day when my sister wore new shoes to church I asked her on her return - "well, what did God think of your new shoes?"

Anon

I was very little; we were at a Catholic mass for Ash Wednesday. My mom carried me up to the front of the church, and while the priest was rubbing the ash cross onto her forehead, I pushed his hand away and yelled, "Why is God putting dirt on your face?!"

Anon

Having been a voracious reader since age 3, I was familiar with a variety of religious practices at an early age. But I didn't encounter Catholic-style Ash Wednesday until I was in 3rd or 4th grade. A girl in my (public school) classroom showed up with a dark spot on her forehead and a very nice dress on. I assumed that people were FINALLY being allowed to marry at a proper age in this country, and congratulated her on her wedding. She had no idea what the heck I was talking about. Then someone said it was because of Ash Wednesday, but could not explain it. I had to ask Mom about it when I got home to get the straight story. I had assumed that my very Catholic classmate was Hindu, and that she was now wearing a "tip" (the dot on the forehead) as she was now married!

Nicholas Dollak

I used to think that rosaries were like little radios so when you pray, your prayer would be picked up by
the steeple (which also has a cross) and then the prayer would be broadcasted
to heaven.

Anon

when i was small in primary school, in assemblies teachers used to talk about the holy bible. I used to think it had holes in, like a piece of holey cheese. I thought this for quite a long time until i actaully saw a bible. My family wern't religious, so i only saw an actual bible when i was about 8 years old

Jenn

Our family has never been religious, so as a child I was ignorant of religion. In fact, I used to believe that 'pedestrian' was a type of religion. I remember riding in the car with my mother, seeing a 'pedestrian crossing' and getting annoyed that only 'pedestrians' had a special crossing.

Natasha

When we were in church, about to have offering, the preacher said "Let us give unto God." I thought the ushers sat the plates there after and God beamed up the money into heaven.

go hump a tree