religion : hymns - I Used To Believe

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when I was about 4 or 5, I thought Jesus must have had a fancy-dress policeman's uniform just like mine - "The little law Jesus
Laid down his sweet head"
- and obviously, being God, he was allowed to sleep in it

humpo

Hymns were my problem:
I am the Lord of the dance settee (rather than 'said he'), and picturing Jesus jumping upand down on a sofa.

Then there was 'goat tell it on the mountain'...

Jon

I wondered why in church we had to sing "how great thou aren't" and I would (luckily)would clam up when ever that line came up.

Nanc

When I was little, I didn't know that "want" used to mean "need" as in "needy," so I thought that when you said, "The Lord is My Shepherd, I shall not want," you didn't want the Lord being your Shepherd & wished he would just go away.

I also thought that at Christmastime you sang, "Round yon virgin," because she was round, because she was pregnant with Jesus.

I also thought that the choir at Compline was singing about "God the Holy Parakeet." I still don't really know what a paraclete is.

Susan

As a young child I attended church with my parents. We used to sing a song which had the words "Victorious Christ" in. I always wondered why He was Victoria's and not anyone elses. My dad did an amazing job of keeping a straight facee when I asked him!

Numpty Number One!

Scottish Accent:

"A Wain in a Manger
No crib for the bairn"

Were the first lines to "Away in a Manger" according to my brother-in-law from Glasgow.

Terrie from South Shields, UK

We used to sing 'there is a green hill far away without a city wall' at school. I thought it meant that every hill should have a wall built around it! By the time I'd become a Christian as an adult the words had been changed to 'outside a city wall' I understood then that Jesus was crucified on the grotty bit of rubbish dump that no-one wanted to live on - quite a revelation.

Sue

I once went out with a girl, who's sister used to sing a song a school which went "damp damp where ever he may be, i am the lord of the damp settee!! It was actually called lord of the dance....lol

hnk69

In the Lutheran church I attended every Sunday, we sang "Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the Highest." One really beautiful woman in the choir also had an amazingly good voice, and because the choir stood in a loft far above the rest of us parishoners, and no one told me what the word "Hosanna" meant, I figured that "Hosanna" must be the woman's name and we were singing about her.

sparklefish

I used to think that the words were "Dance, dance where-ever you may be, I am the lord of the Dance Settee..."
I imagined that Jesus and his followers running around my living room and jumping on the settee. My parents still have the settee and I still think of it as the Dance Settee

George

I used to sing the song "Silent Night" with the words "Brown young virgins, mother and child"

Mr. Bob

When I was in year 1 at primary school (aged 5) we had to go to assembly with the whole school, but weren't given hymnbooks to help us sing the songs as most of couldn't read well enough yet. As a result, for years I sang "Dance, dance, wherever you may be, I am the lord of the dance settee". I assumed a "dance settee" was a place where you could be really comfortable, warm, etc, and were allowed to jump on the furniture!

Martha

I used to believe that the words of the carol Come all ye faithful were "Come Molly faithful" and always wondered who Molly Faithful was.

Anon

This is really my elderly friend's recollection.

Her family bred Siamese cats, which were of course good mousers. When the little girl learned to sing, "Gentle Jesus, meek and mild" she thought the 3rd line went, "Pity mice implicitly" instead of the actual "Pity my simplicity"! (You must remember that children's spoken vocabulary was much more sophisticated in those days!)

Sylvia

When I was a little girl, we used to watch "Little House on the Prairie" as a family. I often heard the hymn, "Bringing in the Sheaves" on the program...but what I heard was "Bringing in the Cheese"! I always pictured people walking down the aisle, carrying plates of cheese!

Mrs Abbott

As a young schoolboy of 6 I remember christmas assemblies at school. I really believed that that favourite christmas hymn 'We three Kings of orient are' actually whent like this, "We three Kings of orient are, one in a taxi, one in a car, one on a scooter beeping his hooter smoking a big cigar." Imagine my surprise when i changed to another school that had an overhead projector, and saw the real words for the first time in a christmas hymn service.... i was ten before i realised i had been singing the wrong words for most of my early school life.

J PETER BARROW

I though that the words to the hymn 'Sing Hosanna' were 'Sing Lasagna' - my verion was much tastier!

Mandy

I always thought the line of "In Exelsis Deo" from the carol "Angels We Have Heard On High" was actually "Angels eat eggshells daily", and informed my very confused mother that I didn't want to go to heaven, because I didn't want to eat eggshells.

Jupiter

When I used to go to Sunday School, I firmly believed the words to the song 'Jesus wants me for a sunbeam' were 'Jesus wants me for a zombie' and used to sing as loud as possible as it was my favourite song

Barbara

The hymn that goes

"Gladly the cross I'd bare"

was one, I thought involved a bear with eye problems.

"Gladly, the cross eyed bear".

Kojak

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