as a kid, i had trouble with the idea of the holy trinity. i just couldn't wrap my head around the idea of the father, the son, and the holy ghost all being different manifestations of the same being. i just always thought that if you had a little problem, you should pray to jesus. if you had a big problem, then you should go to big guy.

god didn't want to be bothered with my crushes and silly girlhood fears and insecurities. those were jesus's territory. no, god should only be asked to get involved if it were something major, like a test i hadn't studied for.

i had no idea what the holy ghost was there for.

hilary

My favorite: At the end of Mass, the priest says, "The Mass is ended. Go in peace to love and serve the Lord." The parishoners reply, "Thanks be to God."

My little brother, Adam, always said, "Thanks speedy God!" -- thanking God for letting him out of church quickly.

Siobhan

As a kid, I used to believe that nothing was wasted if you made it a sacrifice to God. So when my parents would pack me a nasty sandwich that I didn't feel like eating, I would silently say "Dear God, please accept my humble sacrifice" and throw the sandwich away. That way I didn't feel bad about wasting food.

Kate

my mother grew up in Argentina close to what she thought to be a seedy train station, Temperly. Every sunday while reciting the "Lord's Prayer" at church she would cry, "and lead us not to Temperley Station!"
( I believe the line is "and lead us not into temptation")

Lexi

Another religious animal (see Gladys the cross-eyed bear) was that American reptile "the prairie tortoise" who always seemed to feature just before the "Our Father"

paul

I used to believe that doing the sign of the cross opened a connection directly to God. Sometimes, in my prayers, I'd forget whether or not I "closed" the connection, so I'd do the sign of the cross twice quickly hoping that that somehow reset the connection and I could go on thinking normal, sinful thoughts.

T. P.

I used to think if you prayed God would "grant" them, like wishes. I was obsessed with Japan at the time and would always pray to be Japanese. (about 8) Every morning I truly believed that when I walked over and looked in the mirror I would have slanted eyes and black hair.

EmmaLee

My father told me God always stare down at each people all over the world from heaven 24/7 . I always think I have been monitored by God the entire time and he watched my every move. When I have to go to bathroom, changing clothes,or shower I always prayed to God not to look at me until I'm finished.

Alexa

In Catholic Sunday school, when I was seven, I finally managed to ask the nun what a thywoom was, as in "blessed is the fruit of thywoom Jesus". I recall it took a while to straighten out the syntax of the phrase, but I was still kind of hazy about what a womb was. Eventually, the nun explained that it was the place where Jesus came from, and I was OK with that. I distinctly remember the nun's clenched teeth during the explanation. I think that the only reason she didn't smack me was because I came from a mixed Catholic-Protestant family and had one foot in Hell anyway.

Proud Ex-Catholic

I use to believe that everything on television was real. One day in school my teacher asked us if anyone had anything they wanted to pray about, and I said yes, and told her all about the terrible accident I saw on CHPS, remember with Erik Estrada, that's when my teacher clued me in that that wasn't real.

Anon

My brother used to say, "Hail Mary, Full of Grapes..."

Anon

i used to think that the word'amen' was actually 'our men'. so when i was gathered round a table with my rather large christian family, aged seven, and we said thanks for the food, the prayer ended with amen, and i called out at the top of my voice 'and our women too!'

dave

I used to believe, that if I prayed hard enough, God would let me have super-powers. But because my prayers weren't working I assumed that I was being too greedy, and each time I prayed I asked for a slightly less impressive super-power than the last time, a bit like haggling with God, I suppose. I started off wanting to be Spiderman. By the time I gave up, all I wanted was a torch in the end of my index finger and a metal box in my belly, with a sliding door, to keep my Marvel comics in!

Dr Octopus

When I was little, before I understood anything about religions-- I knew one thing. Praying was important. So, every night, quietly by myself, I'd spend ridiculous amounts of time praying to every fictional character I could imagine-- Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, you name it-- even the little leprechaun for St. Patty's day. And I'd end it by praying to God for everything that I hadn't covered with the others.

Anon

When I was a child, reciting the Lord's Prayer, I thought the verse was "Lead us North, into temptation..." My father thought it was a riot and wouldn't let my mother correct me. I have no idea how many years I prayed to be led north....

Haley

Growing up Catholic, I though the entire world was Catholic. I didn't realize there were other denominations til I was 12 and a Lutheran friend of mine was getting confirmed. I said I'd help her study and then found out they don't pray to Mary! The shock and horror and fear!

Jen

I went to a catholic primary school for we had to make a 'sign of the cross' before prayer (in the name of the father, and of his son, and of the holy spirit amen). However I joined nursery later than everyone and missed the teaching of this, so just had to pick it up as i went along.
I was saying 'For the name of my Farmer, and of his gun, and that Holy Spit - Amen' for 5 years!

Rach

"Hail Mary full of grapes the Lord is in a tree." (Hail Mary full of grace the lord is with thee.)
I said it incorrectly for about three years. I always wondered why our grapes grew on a vine and god's grapes grew in a tree.

Thumperjb

I used to believe that I had a certain amount of luck to last for my whole life, so I used to pray to the spirits to make small unlucky things that I didn't really care about too much happen - so I could save my luck for when I really needed it.

Anon

I grew up in a catholic family. We attended mass every Sunday. I grew up believing the prayer "Hail Mary full of grace" was " Hail Mary full of grapes". Everyone in church mumbled when they said it. I also believed God's name was Peter as I thought they all responded "Thanks Peter God" when in fact it was "Thanks be to God"

Winnie