As little kids, we suffered under the delusion that foreplay included the man pulling out the woman's pubic hair, one by one, and that this action made her very excited.

veronica

It was the general concensus at our school that, if a girl closed her legs when you were having sex with her, the bones in her pelvis woul chop your penis off....

Ronnie

I learned to masturbate around the age of four, and did it all the time because it felt so good. One day I was watching a cartoon sex education video that my Mom rented and when the masturbation scene came up, the little girl hiding under the covers moaning a bit while the blanket moved up and down, my Mom says to me "Some people get sick from doing that too much". That day I thought ....."OH MY GOD, I AM GOING TO DIE"

Erika

One time I found my Dad's Playboy magazine. My young mind couldn't comprehend that a woman would want to have her photo taken when naked! My Dad told me that they weren't really naked... all the parts (the breasts and such) were fake and were strapped on to the body. They were actually wearing a bathing suit underneath!

Marg

I used to believe that, since heterosexual men are attracted to heterosexual women and vice versa, therefore homosexual men would be attracted to homosexual women and vice versa.

It seemed PERFECTLY logical at the time.

L

When I was around 10 or 11, a friend told me he was going to get a "piece of ass". At the time, I was horrified, thinking somehow that you stuck a spoon in a girl's rectum and got a piece of it. When he asked me if I wanted him to get one for me too, not wanting to seem uncool, I replied, "not today."

fred

I believed that married people had sex once (obviously) and the number of, er, thrusts, determined the number of children. The woman then had a certain number of conceived eggs inside her just waiting to be born.

Also, the first time I heard the word "rape", I misheard it as "rake". I understood it was something very unpleasant, but being attacked with a rake just seemed a bit obscure.

Adam

When I was around 10 or 11 a letter in Ann Landers column used the word homosexual. The only other word I could think of was homocide, which to me meant killing someone on purpose. For a long time I thought a homosexual was someone who acted sexy on purpose.

Anon

I used to think that sex was accomplished with both partners standing up. The couple would face each other, press their privates together, arch their backs so that they are both bending backwards, and raise their hands into the air. And while they are doing this, they would say "Quaaaaah! Quaaaaah!"

Where did I get this bizarre idea? Thinking back, I realize that it came from a poster I saw once in the London Underground, possibly advertising a movie or a dance production, and a friend who was with me told me it was a picture of two people having sex. The "Quaaaah!" was simply a corruption of the British slang "Cor!" which means something like "Oh god!"

Kdees

i thought that everytime you masturbated santa could read the dirty thoughts in your mind = P and the only way to stop him finding out was to put a blanket over your head (even when it was hot!)I believed in santa till i was 11. That was an aweful lot of hot summer nights.

Penny Lane

When I was 8 or so, an older friend told me that masturbation meant "playing with yourself". I took her literally. This resulted in two things:

One day at day camp, I heard the word "masturbation" on television, and proudly proclaimed to the teacher in charge "I know what that word means!"

Shortly afterwards, my mother gave me a book about "the facts of life" and it said that masturbation usually resulted in an orgasm (which I somehow got into my head was a bad thing) and was terrified that when I played alone in my room I was going to give myself an orgasm.

Diana

My little sister argued with me when she was about 14/15 that "floor play" was what people did before moving to the bed.

The Older Sister

My neice and her little friends thought the word lesbian meant that you were sexy. They walked around for days hollering "hey lesbian, you're looking really lesbian today" Finally the found out the truth after telling a teacher that she was "very lesbian".

Anon

My husband of 25 years believed that if a man and woman saw each other naked they HAD to have sex. I think he still believes it.

Glinda

When I was about 8, my older brother had an adult magizine. At the time he was 16. I asked him what the people in it were doing, he said "They're having sex" I didn't know what that was, so I asked him. He told me to ask Mum and Dad. I asked Dad what sex was and he said "Ask your Mum" So I did. I said "Mum what's sex?" She told me it's when a little man gets into your underwear. So later that day my little brother, who was 4, stuck his Lego man in my shirt. It went into my pants, I went up to my Mum and said "Mum, Johnny made me have sex!" Of course my Mum said "WHAT?!" and I told her he dropped a Lego man in my pants and she sat me down and explained to me what sex really was.

LEGO

My friend was more precocious than I was in his interest in sex (though not much better informed), and he told me that when men and women had sex, they used a rubber. He wasn't sure exactly what it was, but I assumed it was some kind of appliance without which sex could not be done, since I couldn't imagine how any body parts that we boys had could have any physical correspondence with what girls had. Obviously, then, the rubber was the thing that would accomplish the hookup required to make a baby.

So one day I was downstairs in my grandma's old farmhouse, and I saw a box of what I now know to be milking machine parts, the long black rubber things you slip over the cow's teats for milking. They looked uncomfortably stiff, but since they had an opening about the proportion of a penis, I figured that was the rubber my friend had told me about! I was always really curious about the things, but carefully avoided looking at them when grandma was around, and certainly didn't ask any questions about them. (I also wondered why grandpa and grandma needed a set of four of them.)

Wycliff

when i was about 6, i announced to my entire extended family at christmas that my 'girlfriend' wanted to hump me. i was delighted that she would want to do that, although at the time i certainly didnt believe that humping was something that would cause such shock amongst my family.

Anon

I used to believe that the way you had sex was to take off your shirt and show your chest muscles - this would make the woman excited and she would want to press herself against you (fully clothed) and kiss you, thereby getting pregnant. You did not make her pregnant if you were wearing your shirt.
I attribute this belief to way too many Hercules and Sinbad movies as a child.

daveydude

When I was about 8 my older sister told me that they had caught a boy in their class "playing with himself" (I had NO clue what this meant and assumed the kid and no friends). The she tells me that from then on they called him "Masterbater". Still clueless,I heard this as Master Bater and assumed he was a rich kid with no friends. For years had this image of a Master Bater who was very dapper, well-dressed with a top hat, cane, and shiny black shoes, and could't understand why anyone wouldn't want to play with him too!

Anon

When I was younger, my older brother always used to ask me If I had 'Shot my seed' yet, and I didn't know what he was talking about. When one day I found out about masturbation I spent 3 hours in my bathroom trying to 'Shoot my seed' when I didn't shoot a seed (I was expecting a little black seed), but in fact shot out something else, I went crying to my brother because I thought mine was broken. He still takes the piss now.

MarkyPants