I used to think that you had to have sex in hospital. I knew it was how you got babies and you did it in bed and hospitals had lots of beds. Logical, I think :-)

Andy

my boyfriend said that when he was little he used to think that sex was two people's bums kissing. (when i asked him what was supposed to come after that, he said he never figured it out past that part!)

jen

I used to think that "making love" meant doing whatever with a cute nightie on and "having sex" was the same thing only you were completely naked.

Kate

When I was a nipper on Sunday mornings, in time honoured fashion, I would burst into my parents room and annoy the hell out of them.

One day, I noticed these rubber tubes lying by my old man's bedside table and asked him what they were.

"special elasoplasts for Daddies who have hurt their fingers at work..." He replied with a straight face...

For many long years, every time I cut a finger, I begged for one of these special elastoplasts ...alas they were only for Daddies.

Graham

As little kids, we suffered under the delusion that foreplay included the man pulling out the woman's pubic hair, one by one, and that this action made her very excited.

veronica

I masturbated for the first time with a stuffed dog. I believed I was going to have puppies.

Not pregnant with puppies

When I was a child and asked my parents the big sex question, it was explained go me that, "The man puts something in the woman's vagina." I had heard of birth control pills, so I figured somehow there were little capsules you put in there that could turn into a baby, and a different kind to put up there if you changed your mind and decided you no longer wanted to have a baby. (the control pills) I think I probably could've used a more thorough explanation.

C. Ray

Around the age of six my best friend and I were pondering what sex was. I came up with the explanation that we both decided was the truth-----that sex was a guy sticking a Q-tip up his butt and then sticking the same one up the girl's butt. Naturally when the girl had the baby, it came out her butt too. (I didn't know we had vaginas. I just used to think that everything down there was your butt.)

Angel

I learned to masturbate around the age of four, and did it all the time because it felt so good. One day I was watching a cartoon sex education video that my Mom rented and when the masturbation scene came up, the little girl hiding under the covers moaning a bit while the blanket moved up and down, my Mom says to me "Some people get sick from doing that too much". That day I thought ....."OH MY GOD, I AM GOING TO DIE"

Erika

One time I found my Dad's Playboy magazine. My young mind couldn't comprehend that a woman would want to have her photo taken when naked! My Dad told me that they weren't really naked... all the parts (the breasts and such) were fake and were strapped on to the body. They were actually wearing a bathing suit underneath!

Marg

I used to believe that, since heterosexual men are attracted to heterosexual women and vice versa, therefore homosexual men would be attracted to homosexual women and vice versa.

It seemed PERFECTLY logical at the time.

L

When I was 5 me and my best friend believed that when we were asleep a man from Mexico named Jessie would come and put us into boxes and give us sex changes.

Jeanne

When I was around 10 or 11, a friend told me he was going to get a "piece of ass". At the time, I was horrified, thinking somehow that you stuck a spoon in a girl's rectum and got a piece of it. When he asked me if I wanted him to get one for me too, not wanting to seem uncool, I replied, "not today."

fred

I believed that married people had sex once (obviously) and the number of, er, thrusts, determined the number of children. The woman then had a certain number of conceived eggs inside her just waiting to be born.

Also, the first time I heard the word "rape", I misheard it as "rake". I understood it was something very unpleasant, but being attacked with a rake just seemed a bit obscure.

Adam

Alright, I've been reading these and thinking I had *THE* most distorted notion of sex. Here goes:

When I was a tot, my parents were loud. Not average loud or exceptionally loud, but jet plane loud. Every word, breath, moan, grunt and bed squeak would echo through the house. Sometimes they'd get so entheusiastic they'd forget to close thier door, making it that much louder. So I'd wake up to a terrible racket and lay there, listening.

For some reason (and I have NO idea why) I was convinced that Dad was laying next to Mom, both naked, and he was somehow forcing her to make a dark, watery fluid come out of her "privates". (I didn't know exactly what a woman had "down there" at the time.) It was clearly painful and exhausting for her to make the fluid, which explained her screams and breathing.

His groans and noises were caused by him restraining her and forcing the fluid out.

I thought he collected this fluid in a shallow container and ran his hands through it, in the dark bedroom, feeling for something. Why? What exactly? Who knows?

Anyway, I'm perfectly normal now. Really. No psychological scars. Maybe the occasional uncontrollable twitching, but nothing you'd not expect.

Anyway...top that!

Smatter

When I was around 10 or 11 a letter in Ann Landers column used the word homosexual. The only other word I could think of was homocide, which to me meant killing someone on purpose. For a long time I thought a homosexual was someone who acted sexy on purpose.

Anon

I used to believe that sex had something to do with the long chrome handles on public urinals, and that they would go into your butt, and make your butt cheeks blow up like balloons - not round balloons, but long carnival balloons. Picture people with 4 foot long buttocks sticking straight out the back of them. Don't ask me how this really related to sex, but I was sure this was it for a long time.

A very confused 4 year old

I used to think that sex was accomplished with both partners standing up. The couple would face each other, press their privates together, arch their backs so that they are both bending backwards, and raise their hands into the air. And while they are doing this, they would say "Quaaaaah! Quaaaaah!"

Where did I get this bizarre idea? Thinking back, I realize that it came from a poster I saw once in the London Underground, possibly advertising a movie or a dance production, and a friend who was with me told me it was a picture of two people having sex. The "Quaaaah!" was simply a corruption of the British slang "Cor!" which means something like "Oh god!"

Kdees

i didnt know how lesbians had sex with each other. i knew what homosexuals were and i knew how men did it with each other, but i was clueless how lesbians had sex. after all, they didnt have anything to put into each other!. my friends were as clueless as me so we figured lesbians did it by cutting off a man's penis and THEN using that!..

brat

i thought that everytime you masturbated santa could read the dirty thoughts in your mind = P and the only way to stop him finding out was to put a blanket over your head (even when it was hot!)I believed in santa till i was 11. That was an aweful lot of hot summer nights.

Penny Lane