when i was in 5th grade, we watched a sex movie to teach us about it. when the teacher talked about mastrbation and orgasms, i thought an orgasm was the long word for orgy. when she asked us how many had experienced orgys and many kids actually raised their hands, i was disgusted! go figure

confused

When I was about eight or nine, I was first starting to learn about sex. My brother (six years older than me) found this terribly amusing. He told me all about orgasms and cumming. He described a female orgasm as "when she starts screaming for thirty seconds really loudly and can't stop"! I asked him if you could have an orgasm without screaming, and he said no. Boy was I scared! He had forgotten to explain that orgasms only come from having sex or masturbating, and I thought I was just going to spontaneously have one for the next two years! I was relieved to find out that wasn't true.

Been there, done that

Whenever I saw people in television shows or movies who were getting ready to have sex, the man was usually on top.

I never understood why any woman would want to be on the bottom. I thought the man would lie on top of the woman, resting all his weight on her.

I knew if this ever happened to me, I would suffocate and die. I vowed to myself that when I had sex, I would make the man be on the bottom because he was stronger, and I wouldn't kill him.

Julia

This one time I saw a movie with Kristy Alley where she had sex with this old guy and the next morning when she wakes up, he is dead. Being the brilliant kid I was, I thought that this was a normal thing. One night, I was at my dad's studio apartment sleeping on the sofa when I woke up to him and his girlfriend going at it. I was so terrified that one of them were going to die from having sex that I just laid there and cried the entire time.

Jesse

When I was about 5 I had a "children's version" of the bible, courtesy of my uncle, a Jehovah's Witness. According to the bible, it was VERY evil to lie down with someone you weren't married to. I remember going to a friend's house and lying next to him on his bedroom floor, and afterwards I was terrified that god would be angry and I'd get punished somehow.

PK

For some reason, as a little boy, I got it in my head that semen was blue. One day in the school yard a bunch of us were talking about sex and who we liked. I liked a girl named Jenny. So, trying to be cool, I said, "I want to shoot my blue jizz all over Jenny." You'll never see five 5th grade boys with more vacant looks.

Johnny

As a young child, I understood what sex was, and also understood that there were gay men. However, I couldn't make the connection of how gay men had sex, since neither of them had a vagina. I finally concluded that they rubbed their penises together really fast, like you would with two sticks trying to make a fire.

Anon

I once heard the word masturbation and went and asked my mother what it meant. She told me it meant playing with yourself which I took a bit too literally. If I was playing in the garden or with my toys on my own I'd shout 'Im masturbating!'

A few days later I had been corrected :D LMAO

Shaz

I used to believe that when I heard noises from my parents room at night, they were praying.

Jugabamos

In Jr High I remember asking someone what masturbation was and believing for the longest time that it was having sex with your couch.

Lynn

when i was babysitting for the boy next door he started to talk about sex and how his dog got the dog next door pregnant, when i asked him what sex was he said "its when you get naked" he thought the dogs had taken thier collars of together!

Suzi

When i was little, i sneaked into our hall in the middle of the night. i heard some really weird sounds coming from my parents room. i got closer and looked under the door, but all i could see was a bright red light. for years i was convinced that my parents were really the devil and they turned into their true form at night. turns out they just had a red lamp for 'special' nights.

Cassie

When my dad told me he had divorced my mother because he was gay, I thought that just meant he was happy all the time, and because my mom was Catholic, she couldn't tolerate excessive happiness because it was sinful, so he just had to go. What really confused me was how my sister discovered this "truth" by reading my father's magazines.

nova satori

When I was little I used to think there was an actual STORY about the "Birds and the Bees." I asked my mother, (a Russian immigrant who had never heard of the expression,) to tell me the story; to which she replied, "What kind of birds do you want to know about?" I was angry and frustrated that she was keeping it from me.

Alex

I didn't think parents were allowed to have sex after they had kids. I never knew they did until I was around 12 and went looking through their drawers and found a box of condoms. Then for almost a month I wouldn't touch my parents because I decided they were gross for having sex and they broke the rules.

never-had-the-talk

Well, when I was 6, I always thought having sex was just kissing. Then one day, I heard my sister saying to her friend that she had never had sex in her life.

So, being the little rude kid that I was, I burst into her room and said, "You've never had sex? Me and Anthony have sex at the playground everyday!"

She and her friend just burst into laughter. They still bug me about that. Whoopsy...

The odd one

My mother always used the term "piece of tail" instead of just saying "sex". As a youngster, when I would over hear her say 'someone getting a piece of tail' that they were going to buy a racoon skin hat (the Davey Crocket style with the long tail in the back) I had always wanted one of those hats and had once asked Santa in a letter for "a piece of tail".

gracie

When I was little I used to think horny meant funny so one day my mom made a joke and I went "Oh mother, your so horny!' Her and her friends laughed for a long time!

Tammy

I used to think an orgasm was a special type of orange juice because it sounded similar.

HaPpY

When I first heard about homosexuality I was told that you "just wake up one day and you were gay." I couldn't sleep for 3 days worrying about this.

Art