sex

When I stole my big sister's sex ed class book, around 1st grade or so, our book described orgasms as "waves of nice feelings washing over couples' bodies during the peak feeling of sexual intercourse" or something along those lines. Well, being the genius kid i was, i thought the only way to have sex was underwater, and the reason people breathed hard during it was because they had to come up for air. If you thought that was weird, heres the kookyest part: there were little "sex crabs" that lived under the sand in the ocean and monitored the couples sex and told the water "They're ready" when the couple was at its peak feeling in sex. Then a huge wave of nice, warm, good feeling water washed over the couple. I was very strange...

Anon

When I was in first grade, my friend told me that in order to have sex, a guy must knock out the girl with a 2x4.

So I guess I learnt about rape before I learnt about sex. Sad, huh?

Mags

Growing up in the jump and praise the lord... stomp your feet, get filled with the holy ghost church life, we always had the classic pipe organ looming above us from the pews while the preacher droned on about who knows what and some blind man resembling Stevie Wonder pounded away on the damn thing.

We felt so proud to have one because not every church in our slum-like nieghborhood could even dream to afford an organ.

To beat the boredom. Me and a bunch of other "sinners" lol, would talk about sex. (Or what we thought was sex.) i know we must've sounded like a bunch of Booboo the Fools, who didn't know what the heck what we were takling about but we wanted to sound "manly" or "womanly"

One day some lug nut proudly boasted that they had an "orgasm" in the bathroom. Being the sheltered kid that i was, and lacking the street smarts my other friends so graciaously possessed, I took one look at the pipe organ and assumed "orgasm" was just another "fancy hip" word for a pipe organ. Hence the two sounded so much the same (Gee, im smart.)

Anyways this theory stayed with me... until Christmas time that is. Being the musical person I am, I wouldn't think it would be a bad idea if i could own a pipe "orgasm" of my very own. Imagine the pastor's surprise and my mother's face when I came out and said that I wanted to get an "orgasm" for Christmas. Of course i used "orgasm" to show of my profound knowledge.(Like I said before, i was smart.)

The pastor's eyes just about fell on the floor, my mother hit me with her purse... and my fellow "friends" laughed their asses off when word of my orgasm wish hit the streets of my small neighborhood. Lets just say going back to school was tough.

Yeah... I can still hear them laughing and every time I come down to visit someone always says "Hey Richie... you still want that orgasm?"

Orgasm Man

i used to believe that when i put my barbie and ken in a cupboard together naked they would magically come to life and have sex. I would always secretly peek to see if they were and if they weren't i just thought that they weren't in the mood.

slightly confused

When I was little, I picked up some information about things called 'sex toys'. Not knowing about sex at the time, I imagined them like a baby's or a dog's chew toy, but sex toys were for another species named 'sex'.
I learned otherwise when we were naming all the animals in preschool and I said, "I know an animal! Sex!"

Anon

When I was about oh 5 or 6 I had "The Talk" I was terrified and didn't want to get married because I thought that I would be forced to have sex everying single day for the rest of my life.

Eric

One day when I was in the 3rd grade or so, I was bored and I told my mother I didn't have anybody to play with. She told me to go outside and play with myself! I told her "I can't do that! Sister Margaret Mary told us that it was a mortal sin to play with myself and I'll go to hell forever!"

My mother was speechless. For once.

Ellen Hietala

When I was in 6th grade the older brother of one of my friends told us that when you took Sex Education in High School you had to screw a dummy in front of the rest of the class. We believed him and worried about it for years.

Mark

When I was younger I used to believe that "practicing safe sex" meant before you had sex to first practice having sex, but do it with your clothes on first and make sure you do it "safely" so it went right, so when you did it there weren't any "problems".

Anon

When I was a kid I used to read in the bible about how: "Humans should not lie with animals" as the bible put it. When I asked my parents what this meant they told me it was bestiality; having sex with an animal. I didn't know what sex was, so for a while I was worried about lying on the same bed with my kitty. Weird!

Smarter now

When I was about 8 or 9 (and knew about sex but didn't understand it very well), my friends and I were watching TV with no adults around and there was a scene where a man threw a woman on the floor and tore her blouse open. The scene cut away to another one that showed her naked and crying. One of my friends said "that's rape." So for a while after that, I believed that "rape" was when a man tore off a woman's clothes in order to steal them! I thought the woman was crying because the man stole her favorite outfit.

Kate

When I was little, I asked my mother what an orgasm felt like. She said it felt like "shivers all over your body." For a long time after that, whenever I was watching cartoons and got goosebumps, I believed I was having an orgasm.

Anon

When I heard that people sold their bodies on the street, I literally thought that people stood on the street trying to sell their fingers or organs for money on the street cuz they were so poor. Imagine my surprise at the truth!

Tia

I walked in on my parents having sex when i was about four. I told them that if i caught them again, I would call the police! I thought they were trying to kill each other!!!

K

When I was about five, my mother told me that a brothel was a place where prostitutes made soup. It took me years to catch on.

Jacky

My babysitter had a keychain that I found and it said something about being "horny" and when I asked her what it meant she told me that "horny" meant happy, so when I was like 6 I was running around telling everyone I was horny!

Leslie

When I was little I used to think that sex was an object like my mega blocks. I became very jealous when i never got any sex for christmas or my birthday. Every time I asked someone for sex I was spanked. This lead me to believe we were too poor to buy any sex.

Patrick Wright

While arguing about what sex was in gym class in 3rd grade, one girl adamantly stated that sex was when a man and a woman go into a field of flowers and lie naked there and pee on each other.

Everyone believed this until one boy told us what it really was.

johnny u. and alexandria m.

When I was in primary school, I read in magazine story of woman, whose little daughter didn't want to stay with her brother (girl's uncle) and it later turned out that he raped little girl. I asked my mom what it means. She lied to me that it means "to beat", not willing to tell the truth.

Some time later, a girl in our class made me angry, and I told in front of class, that one day I'm gonna rape her. That taught my mom a good lesson. She has always been honest with me ever since.

Liczyhrabia

When I was 7 I first heard the word "Gay" I didn't know what it meant so I asked my 8 year old cousin. He told me being gay meant you liked girls. As a 7 year old boy who thought every girl had cooties I didn't want that. So the next day in church a girl smiled at me. My cousin leaned over and whispered, "You like girls. You're gay." I turned to the whole church and shouted, "I'm not gay. I like boys!" There was an odd silence after that.

Bobby DiPasquale