When I was four, My father would tell me that John Wayne was his father every time there was a John Wayne film on television. Consequently I believed that John Wayne was my grandfather until I was 8

Gillian

When I was little my older sister had me convinced that Mum and Dad had picked me up at the op-shop because they felt sorry for me. Every time we went past the op-shop she told me I was going home

Anon

I used to think EVERY mom and dad was named Nellie and Roy and that was for EVERY parent.

Anon

When I was very young, my big brother used to tell me that we had a sister living in Russia. I used to get so mad at him when he'd bring up "Svetlana" because I wanted to be our family's only girl child! He used to pretend to call her on the phone & have conversations with her & everything. I hated Svetlana! My brother somehow even got our mother to play along, too! I forget Svetlana's reasons for being in Russia as opposed to being in America with the rest of the family...boarding school, perhaps?

Daile

Once we (my siblings and I) were baby-sitting a very young boy who had just discovered that his parents have "real" names, and that "Mommy" and "Daddy" are more like titles. Sharing his pride at his discovery, we asked him what his Daddy's real name is. He said "Brian." Then we asked him what his Mommy's real name is. He said "Honey." (Her name is Marion.) We thought this was very cute!

Nicholas Dollak

When I used to talk too much as a child (which was quite often) my mother used to trick me by making me play "the silent game" - see how long you can not talk for. I did actually think this was a fun game, even though I wasn't very good at it.

I also used to be very un-cooperative about getting dressed sometimes, so to get my cooperation this is what my mother would say: "Do you want to put your shoes and socks on before or after you eat your toast?" I would happily reply "after I eat my toast", then happily put my shoes on after eating my toast - thinking I had got exactly what I wanted.

Anon

When I was little and doing something to make my mother angry, she'd tell me that if I didn't stop "her Giraffe and her iron would descend upon me." Only years later did I realize that what she was really saying "Her wrath and her ire" - Since I didn't know those words I had translated them to the closest words I did know - To this day I picture the giraffe and the iron floating down towards me when I think of her getting angry!

shannoneve

I used to believe that my Dad was the tallest man in the world, thanks to my Mum being so proud at how tall he was. Then one day at the department store a rare black man that was a great deal taller than my Dad walked past us and I remember being so stunned, not at the fact that he was black, but the fact that he was taller than my Dad. I asking my Mum about that and her reply was that blacks are like that. I still never understood her answer and she wouldn't elaborate...

Tammy

when i was little and my mother was getting angry with me, she would tell me that she would take me down to the woods and give me to the used kid man. he was a man that took bad kids and ate them. it scared so bad i used to cry.

megan

When i was in kindergarten, my mum told me my nan was a pirate because of the way she cut cheese crooked. i took that literally and told my class for show and tell that my nan was a pirate and so i would grow up to be a pirate and steal everyone's treasure.. the teacher then made me sit down..

Doblica W.

I used to believe that my Mom had sewn tiny hidden microphones into all my shirts, because it seemed like she always knew what kind of nonsense I was getting into.

Dan L

I used to believe that my dad knew everybody that you needed to know - and although I'm now 25, I'm still not convinced that he doesn't. He knows who to speak to to get - including a special price on concert tickets, a cheap (but excellent) photographer for my wedding, and all manner of cheap reliable tradesmen.

Anon

Here in NJ, there used to be (I don't think it exists anymore) a psychiatric hospital commonly referred to as Marlboro...from the town or township it was in, I think.

When I used to drive my mother to distraction, she'd tell me I was going to "Drive her to Marlboro". In my naive, little kid mind, I thought she meant that she was going to change cigarette brands.

frank

I was cleaning my bike one day, I was about 10 years old. Dad came in and saw I was having a bit of a hard time getting it clean, and told me I'll have to use some "elbow grease"
He went away and I was left wondering where this elbow grease was, so I went and asked my mum. They had a good laugh at my expense!

shazza

My uncle was always teasing me and my brother, and by the time I was in my late teens, we were both so used to his b.s. that we took anything he said with a grain of salt. One day he told us there was a movie called "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes". We didn't believe him...and then years later we found out it was true.

Epicurienne

I grew up in a Russian immigrant family and I was used to hearing my father's name in Russian, which with English letters would be "Seroja". Also, my father owned and worked at a signs store named "Signs, Signs, Signs". Every time I was at his office with him, which was pretty often, he would answer the phone "Signs, Signs, Signs". So one day he brought a friend over and so I asked his name and my dad's friend said "I have the same name as your dad. Do you know your dad's name?" And I said, "Of course! It's Seroja." So he replied, "And what is it in English?" So of course I said... "It's Signs Signs Signs!"

Lana