when i was about 6, my friend and i believed that there would be terrible consequences if you said a swear word. ( you'd be grounded for eternity, or you'd blow up, of the swear elves would come at night and sew your lips together) we decicded to make our own swears and not tell them to anybody so no one would be able to punish us for saying them. As i recall we had one swear for every letter. Once, we were given a time out by the 1st grade teacher, and we were so shocked that she didn't react when we called her the j,k,b,t,y,w,e,and r words.

"I'm disapointed in you two. usually you remember to use indoor voices"

"Juktre kupds, you bhugfes tyuer."
"Yeah, your a ympos werfen rebmez"

tigerlily

my friend used to think "dumbass" was pronounced literally, so she went around calling people a "dum-bass" right up until she was 16. She only figured out then that it was acutally "dum-arse" but a hell-of-a-lot of people thought it was hilarious when she said it!

Sophie

my 2 cousins thought the words 'bad word' was actually a curse. they'd go to there mom and say 'DJ said a bad word' or something like that and she'd go crazy tring to figure out bad word

ex.

"Mom he said badword"
"What badword"
"Bad word"
"Which one?"
"Badword"

Its so funny if they argued theyd say "You little bad word!"

Joshy boy

I was little when the song that goes "im a bitch, im a lover. im a child, im a mother. im a sinner, im a saint...." first came on the radio. since my mom was a lover "she loved my dad" and she was a mother and her mothers child i also thought she was a bitch. as we were walkinginto target i said "mom, you are a bitch, are'nt you?

AmyLee

When I was a kid (actually, until about two years ago), my dad, my brother and I used to go skiing together almost every weekend. Well, on one of these outings, we were at the top of the hill, trying to decide which run to go down, and we noticed that one of the runs was called "FLICKER," written exactly like that, in all capital letters, except the "L" and the "I" were a little too close together, so my brother's eyes lit up as he pointed to it and said "Hey Emily, look what that hill's called!!!" My dad almost killed himself laughing. It was even funnier because, at this particular ski place (which catered to families), there were signs all over the place that said "No foul language," with a big red X through a picture of a tough-looking guy with cartoon expletives coming out of his mouth. So, my brother couldn't understand for the life of him why the people at the ski hill would break their own rule by giving one of the runs such a "vulgar" name, lol.

Emily

When my brother and I were younger my mother used to say "sugar!" instead of shit as she didn't want us kids to learn to swear. Consequently my brother thought that all such words were swear words and called me a "stupid cocoa" for years after.

Deb

Whenever i would talk on the phone, i thought if you said a bad word, the telephone would beep it out, i was talking to my mom (i was only about 6) and i had said shit and i thought it had beeped it out, it did not......

kaitlin

when i was 4 my 6 year old brother told me that sticking up the middle finger meant "im sorry"
later that day i was caught being naughty, so to make amends, i proudly flipped my mom the bird!

Aimy-Lynn

When I was about ten, I didn't yet know what the F word meant. I thought it meant flipping someone off. So one day on the bus, some kids were saying that word. I wanted to sound cool, so I joined in the fun and said, "I effed my cousin." Everyone started laughing, and I was so embarrassed I started to cry! Then one of my friends came up to me and told me what it really meant, and I started crying even more! Now, seven years later, I'm still mortified when I think of that moment.

Like I'm going to give my name for this...

When I was a kid my father swore so much at other drivers that I believed it was a neccesary part of driving. So when I'd ride my bigwheel up and down our street I would spout obscenities, which embarassed my father so much he hasn't sworn since 1984.

Anon

When I was about eight or nine, I discovered the lovely "f-word". I knew that my grandparents and my dad would pass out if they heard me say it, but I had to "feed my undying obsession" somehow.

So, I wrote it down on little sticky notes and hid them in a "secret place" (under the couch). Every so often, I'd sneak them out, go into another room alone, and read them while laughing hysterically.

Gosh, I can't tell you how many afternoons I sat in my grandparents' room, staring at little yellow pieces of paper with dirty words scribbled all over them.

It's not like every nine-year-old doesn't have problems.

Jessica Tinch

When I was about 7, I thought that there was a swear word for every letter of the alphabet. I knew the A,B,F and S words but I desperatly wanted to know the other 22, so I'd go around saying random jibberish hoping that I'd get yelled at for saying the Z word or V word. I was a strange child...

Sailor Nightcrawler

My older brother would swear a lot around me and tell me that words like f**k and s**t were names. The words Ugly Whore was the name Louisa May, my mothers first and middle name. This didn't cause a problem until someone gave me a doll and asked me what I'd name it. Proudly I said, "She's Ugly Whore, like my mummy."

Louisa May's daughter.

When I was little, I watched Cruella DeVil on 101 dalmations call her minions "morons". I didn't know what that meant, so I looked it up in the dictionary. It said something like "an adult with the mentality of a 12 year old".
I got in a bit of trouble when, after a boy in my class did well on a test, I kindly called him a moron. Being 8, I thought this was a compliment of the highest sort, saying he was as smart as a 12 year old.

Lara

When my brother was five he was sitting on the floor playing with his toys when out of nowhere he shouted "D*mn It!" My dad was like, "What did you say!?!" My brother inoccently, unaware that it was anything bad repeated to him. "I said "D*mn it!" My dad then explained to him that it was a bad word and that he should never say it again.
The next day my brother was sitting there again and broke out of nowhere with an unexpected "Sh*t!" My dad was now obviously slighty more upset than the last time jumped up. "What did you just say!?!" My brother jumped back and cryed out, "I said sh*t dad! I didn't say d*mn it! I said sh*t"!

Sara

In our house we used to have a medical dictionary called the Funk & Wagnell. If me or my brother had something wrong with us Mum or Dad would tell us to "look it up in the Funk & Wagnell" but of course to our ears we heard "look it up you f**ken wagnell". We always wondered what a wagnell was and why our parents were swearing at us.

Leisa

one day, back in 2nd grade, i came home from school, stretched my arms and said...
"oh i feel like a slut"
for some reason i thought a slut was someone who was exhausted or really tired.

my mom overheard me immediately.

Joe Montone

I was always very precocious, even at swearing, not like one girl I offended in the seventh grade. She caught up to me on the play ground one day and screamed at me in a fit of rage, "Amanda, I want to f*** you!" I was taken aback, but I scathingly told her that I only like boys. She blushed and stammered "I - I mean, I hope somebody else f***s you!" I said, "Thanks, I'd like that someday." She was speechless at this point, so I offered " did you mean 'f*** you"?" She said yes and slouched away humiliated. My friends and I had a great laugh after that.

I like boys

I use to think that the phrase "holy shitakie mushrooms" was actually "holy shit, talking mushrooms!"

The latter one still makes more sense.

Glowworm

I remember when I was very young, there was a television show on a saturday night. It was sort of a variety thing, and one segment of the show was called "gotcha!" it played pranks on celebrities like a candid-camera thing.

There was one celebrity who cursed alot and because this was prime time television they would put a "bleep" over the top of the word. I noticed that this was a regular thing and wondered what the "bleeps" where for.

I also noticed that when the crew would jump out near the end of the prank the amound of "bleeps" would rise. It suddenly dawned on me! The bleeps sounded exactly the same as a hospital heart monitors.

And thats why the amount of bleeps when up when the crew jumped out becuase they made him jump and his heart rate rised! stupid...

Turkey