A childhood belief about under my bed

I used to believe that I had monsters under my bed, and in the daytime they were just all around the house. They were very, very stupid and gullible, though, so I would tell them:
"You can't get me because I'm on the toilet, and I can't defend myself so it wouldn't be a fair fight." My monsters, despite being monsters, didn't want to be unfair. There were so many rules as to when they could get me, such as they couldn't when I was with someone else so long as I was touching the person, or if I had my eyes closed, or if I was smiling, (?) or even if I was constantly talking! I would just have to say a bunch of random words nonstop. For each of these I had a logical reason why they couldn't get me.
Eventually I decided that I was overdoing it, so I would instead tell them: "You can get me in ___ seconds." and count really slowly. "One, one and a quarter, one and two quarters.." If I was counting to, say, 10, I would also pretend to forget where I was once I got to nine. I'd say: "Oh, wait, where was I? I think it was two, wasn't it?" And then I'd start over, and by the time 10 came around again I would be safe with my parents!