body functions

I used to believe…

When I was a kid, I used to believe that men could get pregnant. So whenever I see a fat man I would think he is pregnant.

I used to believe…

When ever I like a guy, I will tell him, "I'm going to fart.". And I do. If he runs- bye bye- if not, he get's laid.

I used to believe…

When I was a kid in gym class, we went on the field to do some sprints. As we were lining up to race our classmates, I could feel a rumbling in my nether regions. "3....2....1....GO!!!" We all bolted, and as my belly desperately jiggled over to the other side of the field, the rumbles increased. Half way across the green, a woosh of air escaped my bum in several pieces. I guess by running it blocked and unblocked the fart flow, which sounded like a man clapping in the rain.

I used to believe…

When I was elementary school aged I was afraid to fall to sleep. I thought that going to sleep was actually a painful process, but that you didn't remember it when you woke up in the morning (kind of like the way you don't always remember dreams). Even now I sometimes wonder how I would ever know if I was right or not...

I used to believe…

At some point when I was little, I had some eye-related illness, and there was one time when my eyelids got sort of glued together. Because of that, I was afraid to keep my eyes closed too long for some time. But I knew people slept with their eyes closed. So at night, I would periodically close my eyes for a short amount of time, thinking that it would be enough. I remember some dreams from that time, though, meaning that proper sleep eventually set in.

I use to believe that you would get ill because you were naughty

I used to believe…

After I heard about infection coming from poop, I thought touching it would make your body turn into poop. I guess your butt would have to be protected somehow.

I believed that your stomach must be empty before you go to sleep.

I used to believe…

If you eat your fruits and vegetables you will grow much faster and your muscles will be very happy!

I thought that I could fly, but I'd forgotten how. You don't want to know how many hours I spent trying to fly.

I used to believe…

My throat was held open by a lattice of criss-crossing throat bones and if I ate spaghetti it could get tangled around these bones and I would choke

I used to believe…

So I'm male, when i was around 7/8 my older sister(13) convinces me i was going to start having periods when i was 18. I had no idea what they were but ran to my mum crying all the same

I used to believe…

When I was little I was at my grandma's house when my aunt changed my girl cousin's diapers in front of me. I noticed she didn't have a penis and asked my aunt how she peed. My aunt said "it comes out when it needs to" so I thought girls had retractable penises.

I used to believe…

In 3rd grade (age 8/9) I thought that if I burped/talked/yelled/hocked loogies with my mouth closed that nobody could hear me. I'd sit there and openly yell at people right in front of them! When people told me to stop burping (I'd just learned to swallow air!) I was legitimately dumbfounded that they could hear me!

I used to believe…

Staring intensely into bright lights would increase my ninjitsu. No source was more potent than the Sun, but pretty much anything would go. I passed off the pain as a sign that it was working.
Incidentally, I now wear glasses.

I used to believe…

I had some vitamin pills that were shaped like Superted. I seriously thought that if I took them for ages, I�d have superpowers and be able to fly.

I was ultimately disappointed, but at least I was well nutrified.