body functions

I used to believe that I had magic powers, like Ultraman or Superman and that I could reach out and grab people at whatever size they looked like to me. (i.e. if the person is very far away, i'd grab a smaller version). This also applied to every living thing. I used to dream of catching birds and holding them in my hand like mozzies.

I used to believe…

When I was in the third grade, I was in a new school, as my family had moved to a new city. The first (and it turned out only) time I ever ventured to take a poo at school that year, I went to the girls' room and a frightening thing happened to me for the first time (and so far luckily the worst time so far). Just as my turd was well on its way out, a sudden sharp and painful cramp of some kind overtook my anal region (and a good portion of my butt cheeks, so it seemed). And my butt continued to feel an unprecedented strain for a while after I finished taking that crap. That bathroom had black toilet seats, which I had no memory or ever using before. So I figured that that sorely painful experience was somehow caused by the black toilet seat. To this very day when I find myself in a bathroom with black toilet seats and a "number two" that i can't possibly hold back until I get elsewhere, I won't use the seat - I raise it and sit on the rim. I know it sounds crazy, and everyone I've told about it says surely a thin hard toiet rim would be more likely to cramp my butt than any toilet seat. That sounds reasonable, but nonetheless, I still don't change my practice of raising any black toilet seat and sitting on the rim if it's a "number two" that I hafe to take there. By the way, recently I've started hiking some. Some of my companions in hiking seem amazed that a dainty properly raised lass like myself is among those most at home "going" in the woods when necessary. I haven't told any of them yet that that comes from practice at pooing in the woods when that was sometimes the comparatively inviting alternative to using a black toilet seat!

I used to believe…

when i was younger, i used to get sores in my mouth a lot. i had never heard anyone call them "sores" before, and I didn't know what else to call them, I just knew that they felt sore. So I called them "sores". Then I saw a commercial for cream that you put in your mouth to numb the pain from "sores". I was convinced I had coined a new term, and now everybody was going to start saying it because I had made it up.

I used to believe…

You know how you can slightly cross your eyes and everything appears blurry or double? I used to think that I was the only one who could do that and when I did, everyone saw what I was seeing. I remember doing it and waiting for people to look confused!

i used to believe that all the poo that got flushed down the toliet would be washed into the middle of the ocean. and i neva eva went in more than three metre into the water for fear i might step on it.

I used to believe…

When I was really young, I accidently walked into a men's toliet in the shopping centre and didn't see any toliet stalls. I thought that men and boys only pee, and it was only girls that did 'number 2s' because they had toliet stalls.

I used to believe…

When i was little i thought i had special powers of healing in my elbow. i have no idea how i thought that, but whenever someone was sick i would say "ill use my special power in my elbow!"

I used to believe that people really did have clockwork brains and when they fell they got a screw loose, so for years I never played anything dangerous in case i banged my head and went loopy!

I used to believe…

Untill I was around 5 I didn't want to go to the bathroom, because each time I went, I thought I was losing a part of my body, and that eventually I would be no more. So one day, I decided to never, ever go to the bathroom again... I held it in for as long as I could (number 2). Then I didn't have to go anymore. Later that week I got sick, they took me to the doctor, and boy was I embarassed.

i used to believe that when we eat, our food gets collected in our tummy and never come out again as excretery waste. and i thought the excretery waste we let out was the dirt from our body !!!

I used to believe…

When i was about 5, my mom farted in front of me (as she always does) and jokingly said "bad dog" to our dog under the table, as if it was him who farted. but i thought she was saying it because my dog somehow had the power to make her fart and from then on whenever i had to fart i'd go and yell at Rover.

I used to believe…

my dad was (still is) a real hypochondriac and one day i remember that he came home with a real pain in his mouth (was prob just an ulcer or summat) anyway trying to be helpful, i joined in with mum who was speculating what it could be, by saying, "it could be mouth cancer"
cheery eh - i thought you could onlyget lung cancer cos thats the only one id ever heard of!

I used to believe…

My cousin Tiffany is a good bit younger than I. As a very young child she learned the word Mildew, but was confused about its meaning. One time, while she still needed help with going to the potty, she said "I'm about to mildew in my pants!" On helping her to the potty I found that she was using "mildew" to mean "poopoo" or "doodoo".

I used to believe…

this isnt my own belief, but my brother wore diapers until he was about 3 because he was afraid to use the toilet because he feared that when he took a poo that his skeleton would come out with it.

i used to believe that when you had a dream about flying when you woke up you just had to spread your arms and jump off your bed and you could fly through the house

I used to believe…

Whenever I faced the sun as a kid, I felt the urge to sneeze, so clearly the "magnetism" generated by the sun caused sneezes. Silly huh, EVERYONE knows little gnomes inside your face release gases that cause sneezes.