body functions

I used to believe…

whenever i farted i used to believe that i sneezed because whenever i did fart, someone would always say "god bless you"

I used to believe…

When I was a small boy I noticed that my testicles would move up and down on their own. Whenever I complained to my Mom that I had a bellyache, she'd always ask me, "Did your bowels move today?" I thought she was asking me if my balls moved. I'd always tell her yes, because they had, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what my balls moving had to do with my bellyache.

I used to believe…

When I was about 8 or 9 yrs.old, my grandmother was always talking about how bad her hemorrhoids were. I never could figure out what that meant so I asked my best friend if she knew what hemorrhoids were. She told me it was when your large intestines comes out of your butt and falls on the floor and you couldn't do anything about it. I was beyond grossed out but I walked around believing that for another 6 or 7 years.

I used to believe…

When I was about 5 years old, my dad worked the graveyard shift. While I was watching him sleep, I noticed that the skin on his scalp looked kinda greenish (he had very fine black hair, which made the translucent skin on his scalp look green tinted to me). I asked my mom, "Why is daddy's head green?" She told me that he was an alien, and that he might make me fly around the room when he woke up. I sat by his bed, wide-eyed and excited for my alien father to wake up and use his powers to levitate me. My mom noticed me waiting by his bed, and she decided to tell me the truth... that daddy wasn't really an alien. I cried. A lot. I really wanted to fly around that bedroom.

I used to believe that a tummy ache was really a tummy "egg", and that having a stomach ache and having to go to the bathroom meant that you had an egg inside your stomach that was making it hurt.

I used to believe…

When my sister was little she used to beleive me when I told her Eddie Furlong and the president dont poop!

I had a friend at school who honestly believed that when you said "so-and-so was in a coma", they were in an actual place: "Acoma", as though they were on holoiday....

I used to believe…

We both believed whenever we were taking a huge poo that we were pooping a baby! POOPING KIDS???

I used to think that farts were really stink bubbles that come out of your butt and explode and make a really loud sound. The silent farts were when the bubbles were small and not ready to pop.

I once got it into my head that if I threw up, the Nesquik rabbit would climb out of the sick and live with me, and be my friend. I was cool with that- as long as he had a bath first!

I used to believe that however long you held your pee was how long you actually had to sit on the toliet and pee'd. so if i had to go to the bathroom on a family trip i would get really upset because i didnt want to have to sit on the toliet for 30 minutes.

I used to believe…

When I was a little kid, i would look at things crosseyed, and since I was seeing double, I thought I had special powers.I decided that there must be others like me "out there" and that once we found each other, we'd form a team of superheros, and we would fight evil. I would daydream about finding out how to master my "power"

I used to think that I was the FIRST person in the world who ever farted, I kept referring to people after they farted as copy cats. I would proceed to inhale deeply to put thefart back in my head so I DIDN'T FORGET HOW TO fart.

I use to believe that when we eat the feet goes down to our toes and keeps going up. That's why we grew, the food was stretching out our bodies. If we threw up it meant that there was no more room at the time for the food.

I used to believe…

One time when I was around five or six years old, my mother and I were going into an elevator, and the door started closing on my mom. I immediately leaped to the rescue, pushing the door open with my back. My mom walked in, and another lady already inside commented on how strong I was. From then on I believed I had super-strength, and would occasionally test to see if I still had it by bending spoons.

I also used to believe that everyone had magical powers, and that I would somehow learn to use them in a sudden epiphany at the age of sixteen. Sixteen came and went, and I still can't fling fireballs or conjure earthquakes... and sadly enough, I'm still waiting for that epiphany...

I used to believe…

once i saw this man fart and he groaned in pain so i thought that farting hurt!hahahahahaha