body functions

I used to believe…

When I was 9 years old, my best friend's dad owned a liquor store. He kept excess stock in his basement.
Well, my friend and I both pretended to be sick one day so we could stay home from school, and he brought a six-pack of beer & a liter of vodka to my house for our very first grown-up party.
After maybe 3 shots, I was ... well, praying to the porcelain god is the best way to put it.
Several hours later, my Mom came home to find me, in the bathroom, sleeping with my porcelain idol in a daze of alcoholic stupor.
For whatever reason, she decided I had learned my lesson and told me that I was suffering from "Russian Flu" and could stay home from school the next day, too.
I didn't figure out there wasn't a Russian Flu until I was 21!

I used to believe…

When i was little i believed that when you ate something it went into a pit in your stomach and that old people died of the food in their tummies overflowing into their throats.

kids these days (im 15 now)

I used to believe…

you know sometimes when you poo and it slips into the back of the toilet tube to dissapear before you've flushed? when this happened to me as a kid i thought either a villan had snuck in and stolen it somehow through the plumbing or that i had imagined that i had pooed or that there was just generally something wrong with me (like i had invisible or rapidly disintegrating poo and that thought made me panick for some reason). my poor ex uncle...i made him come into the bathroom after this had happened once, so that perhaps he could explain this mysterious phenomena to me.

I remember being able to stay up as late as I wanted to one night and when I looked out the window I thought, "I have GOT to be the only one in the whole wide world that is still awake right now."

I used to think that grown-ups could read the minds of children and that once u reached a certain age u would be able to read the minds of those younger than you.. it caused many problems.

I thought that if I weed on my bedroom carpet, soaked it up with tissue paper, and allowed the tissue paper to dry over a radiator, it would make my room smell nice. How wrong was I??!

I am 16 now, but I remember clearly when I was about 4/5 years old and I was absoloutely convinced I could fly like a bird. I constantly tried out ways of testing my thought, e.g. running in my room and jumping, and it seemed to really work (!) until one day my mum was in the garden and I was so thoroughly convinced I could fly that I jumped from the top step down about 5, never fell after using the rail to save myself, and LUCKILY only suffered carpet burns and a bruised arm.

I used to believe…

A lot of times my younger brother wouldn't flush after going number 1 when we were little. I use to believe that if his pee mixed with my pee there would be some type of horrible chemical reaction and my butt would be blown off:)

I used to believe…

When i was a kid i used to complain to my Mum that I had diarrohea, however i just had an ear ache and thought it meant 'a dying ear' i never heard the proper pronunciation and made up my own mind what it meant, the looks of horror on peoples faces and the way they would rush me to the toilet, I could never understand it!

I used to believe…

Around 8 or so, I convinced that I had telekinesis but I wouldn't be able to use it until i was older. Everyday I would just concentrate on something really hard, willing it to move. I believed this until about 10. I realized this is impossible now but I still daydream of how awesome this would be if it were true. Yeah, I'm weird...

I used to believe…

when i was little i noticed that my sister farted alot.........my mom once told me that if u farted alot ur butt would burst and u would rip ur pants........my sister cried but she couldnt stop,,,,,,,,,,,,y?

I used to believe…

When I was young, up until about 6th grade, I thought that I could "bring" the wind. That is, I would either yell "WIND!!!" out loud, or scream it in my brain, thus making it windy and making the trees move. It always worked too.... hahah...maybe its because I lived by the ocean.

I believed that hiccoughs were caused by a little elf. The elf traveled around the world giving people hiccoughs. Whenever I had the hiccoughs, I thought the elf was sitting on my shoulder. He would stay with me for a little while, and then move on to give the hiccoughs to someone else.

I used to believe…

When i was around 4 or 5 my mum came home and was like "your brother has chicken pox" i was like "WHY DOES HE GET CHICKEN POX I WANT SOME", thinking it was some type of nice chicken chips.

I used to believe…

When I was in first grade my cousin told me she could swallow things and cough them back up. What I didn't know was that all she did was close her mouth and open it again and pull whatever it was back out of her mouth. I tried it with a gob stopper and almost choked in a car ride with them.

Later, in the same car ride, I complained of thirst. That same cousin told me that's what spit was for and I should drink it. So I tried it and got scared when it didn't work and thought my spit was deffective.

I used to believe…

Until I was about 10 years old, I believed I could breathe through my ears, because sometimes I couldn't feel the air moving in and out of my nose. Never felt it in my ears either, but where else would it have gone?