body functions

I used to believe…

When I was little I thought that the AIDs virus would come and get me in my sleep if I breathed it in and I would die a horrible painful death and green fungus would grow all over my face, so I fell asleep way under my covers at the end of the bed, breathing through the sheets hoping that the AIDs virus wouldn't find me.

I used to believe…

When I was little I used to believe that if I would just run as fast as I could and then jump...that I'd be able to fly. I remember running around the field in Kindergarten telling all the other kids about it so we were all running around really fast and then jumping up. No telling what our teachers thought we were doing!

I used to believe…

my dad works at a waste water treatment plant (where all the waste goes), and when my little brother was being potty trained, we would have him call my dad whenever he did #2, and my dad would "look out for it" and verify that his "present" had arrived safely.

I used to believe…

when i was little i had myself convinced that if i sat really still in the middle of my living room for long enough that i could float. in the hour and a half that i was alone in the house with my sister before my mom would come home, i would "float" quietly around my living room. When my mom came home, however, she would break my concentration and i would fall down and hurt my butt. I'm still not sure whether i really floated or not...but it would be pretty cool if i did.

I used to believe…

Once when I was way younger (about 4) I overused the toilet paper and it clodded the toilet.My mom told me never to do that again,and I thought she meant not to use toilet paper.

I guess you can tell what I didn't do,until I was 7.

I used to believe…

When I was little, I use to think that the best cure for brainfreeze while eating icecream was to eat faster. So, I would eat at a more rapid pace while I felt that the sharp pain in my head as "getting better."

I used to believe that if you got up in the middle of the night the BFG (Big Friendly Giant) would get you. So i was always scared and one night my mum woke me up because we were going abroad and we got to the other country half asleep and i screamed the hotel down because i thought the bfg had got me!

I used to believe…

everyone has seen a movie where something is happening really fast, so it is shot in slow motion. well, as a kid, i too had seen one of these, and thought in turn, that if i did something in slow motion, i really must be doing it extremely fast. so everyday in pre k, i distinctly remember this, i would run slowmo to the swings, look to the sides of me, and think that the kids around me who were actually going FASTER were pathetic becase they werent going fast enough for my slowmo.
i NEVER got a swing, and did understand why until i was promoted to kindergarten.

I used to beleive that I could talk to animals, but I didn't know it, and that I wasn't supposed to know that I could. I even managed to convince my friends that I was best friends with a Candian Goose named Smokey. Whenever I spotted a Canadian Goose in the schoolyard, I would grin and look all proud and say "There's my Smokey!"

I also had them convinced that there was a raccoon that liked to hang around the school, waiting for school to be over so it could follow me home. I told them that he was a mischevious little thing, and liked to cause trouble, but he was too fast for us to catch him in the act. We often found ourselves blaming little things that went wrong on him.

Yes, I was a strange kid.

i used to think i could make things move with my mind, i was very convinced that i made some of my juice disappear from my cup, so one day i told my sister i had those powers and she laughed at me

i used to be convinced, until like three years ago, that someone could "make themselves heavier" if they didnt want to be picked up, by just holding really still and clenching. i dont know why.

whenever i tried to pick my dad up, who was almost 180 pounds, i would always say "dad stop making yourself heavy!!!".

I used to believe…

For some reason, i thought that inside my ass was a whole tiny villiage of people, and when i had to do a poo, the town policeman would come out into the main square and hold all the traffic up while he directed the poo on its way out, like a traffic cop. I have no idea where this idea sprung from!

I grew up on a dairy farm and often saw my uncles moving loads of manure around in wheel barrels to take it to be used as fertilizer for the garden. As a kid I believed that there was a door inside my anus and behind that door there was a tiny man with a wheel barrel full of poo. When the wheel barrel was full of poo the little man would knock on the door, and his knocking would get louder and more urgent the longer I waited. When I really had to go, I would exclaim, "The door's about to BREAK!"

I used to believe…

When I was young, I had a huge appetite, and my grandmother would tell me that I had a hollow leg, so I'd knock on my legs to see if they sounded differently... it still makes me laugh 35yrs. later!

I remember getting up at night, going to my parents room, and explaining to my dad that I'd had a wet dream. Dad told me how I was a growing boy, and I felt quite proud (sex education the day before). ..... It turned out that I'd just wet the bed, again.

I used to believe…

My little sister was three when my mother came into the living room asking who had forgotten to flush the toliet. My sister ran into the bathroom and declared "it was me that's my color" She though everyone peed their favorite color!