body functions

I used to believe…

Oh, how I feared the hospital. Not just the shots and doctors and tiny little gowns, but I feared turning into a vegatable. No one ever told me this, but I figured out on my own that if you got really sick or in an accident or something, you might actually, literally, as you were lying there in bed, TURN INTO A VEGATABLE. Like you'd become a squash (is that a vegatable?). Worst of all, then, would be that some nurse would throw you away - just toss you out with the garbage, not knowing you were, in fact, a human being. It SHOCKS me that I used to really, really believe and fear that!!! Wow - what goes on in kids' heads when they hear something they don't understand...

I used to believe…

Me and my friend were watching this really annoying kid, and we told him if he ran fast enough he would turn invisible and could run through things. So he started running and ran into the couch, but we told him he just wasn't running fast enough.

I used to believe…

Once when i was fairly young, my family and i were in Hawaii. We were spending the day on a beutiful beach and i asked my mom if i could take a picture. She told me to take a picture with my mind. So, for a while, I thought that I could take a picture when i blinked. After I died, God and i would walk along a beach and a slide show of all my "pictures" would play in the sky.

I was told when I was about 6 (I'm now 18) that if I kept eating the end of my pencil, a tree would grow inside of me.

I used to believe…

My dad is a dentist, and when I was little I was snooping in the bathroom cabinet when I came across a bottle of fancy mouthwash, designed to fight infection, which was labelled "Oral Rinse". My little mind must have been in the gutter, for I thought it was something like an enema. For a couple of years I misunderstood the difference between "oral" and "rectal".

I used to believe…

When my cousin was little (now in her twenties) she hypervenilated alot. So her mother (my aunt pat) told her just to breath into a paper bag. She was running outside at her friend's house when she started to hypervenilate. So she ran inside and got one of those huge paper bags like from a grocery store. She believed that you needed to fit it over your whole head to make it work, or that she would die.

I used to believe…

For the longest time I was convinced I was turning into a volcano. This was my rationalization of poop, which I always refered to as lava. When I had to go to the bathroom, I would announce that I had to go "be a volcano."

I use to believe that hand foot and mouth was when you had your foot stuck in your mouth and you couldn't use your hands to get your foot out of your mouth. Then I heard my cousin had hand foot and mouth and that he couldn't come over and play because I would catch it so I asked my mom if he could send me a picture of him while he was sick.

I used to believe…

My old baby-sitter oddly named farts 'churchies'. She mentioned this several times and, not knowing the correct name was fart, believed that only people who didn't attend church had bad gas.

I used to believe…

When I was little, I misunderstood the meanings of "Number 1" and "Number 2." Instead of using the terms for what I had to do, I used them for levels of seriousness. If I had to go really really really bad, I would yell "I have to do a NUMBER 7!

I used to believe…

When I was younger, my father used to tell me that if you held in your sneezes, your head could blow up. One day in 2nd grade I caught a student holding in their sneezes. I was very concerned for them. The teacher asked me what was wrong, and I told her that I was worried their head would blow up. She quickly put an end to that myth.

I used to believe…

My older brother told me that everytime you sneezed your lungs would bleed. I believed this until I was 21!

I used to believe…

When I was 5 years old we were playing a game of "Girls Kiss Boys" at the daycare center. Well I cought one boy and we pcked each other on the lips. Well the teacher caught us and we both got in trouble. I begged her not to tell my parents cause I thought I'd get in trouble. Well the next day my eyes got all red and itchy so my mom took me to the doctor. The doctor said I had "pink eye" and gave my mom a prescription to get filled. Well we dropped the prescription off at the pharmacy and my dad said he'd pick it up on his way home from work. Well when he went to pick it up he ran into the teacher at the pharmacy and the told him that Beau and I got caught kissing. So my dad decided to play a joke on me. He came home and said, "Have you ben kissing boys?" I replied, "Miss Hurst said she wouldn't tell!" Well he said, "Miss Hurst didn't say anything. The pharmacist said you get pink eye from kissing boys." So I fessed up and told him what happened. Well that weekend we were going to visit my grandparents and my dad called them ahead of time (which I knew nothing about) and told them the tale. Well when we got there I ran up to Papa to say hi and he took one look at me and said, "Hmmm....you've got pink eye. You been kissing any boys?" I was shocked! And from that moment on until I was 14 and had my first REAL kiss I believed that you got pink eye from kissing boys.

I used to believe that any royal people like kings or queens used a brand new spoon for every bite of food and never ever re-used silverware. I would count how many bites I took at dinner and try to calculate how many spoons the Queen would need to eat dinner. And then how many spoons she would use in a day! I still am not totally positive this isn't true.

I used to believe…

When I was 4 we were getting ready to move from Texas to Washington. My mom told me that it is illegal to fart in Washington. If I farted the "pooper scooper squad" would come and take me to the "pooper Pokey". I cried because I didn't understand how was supposed to hold my farts in.

i used to believe that whatever i put in the toilet would end up in my mouth the next morning....i kept my poo in for a couple of days till my brother finally told me the truth......