body functions

I used to believe…

When i was younger, i used to think that you had to eat tooth paste, not spit it out after, as i thought the tooth paste got digested and the nutrients went to your teeth.

I used to believe…

There was a ledge outside my house that my cousin and I would climb upon, flap our arms and yell "Peter Pan, Peter Pan, teach my how to fly!" It was a constant disappointment when we landed on the pavement. This went on for some time. We just thought he wasn't listening.

I used to believe…

When I was in infant school my friend Robert claimed that in Japan, when they'd finished doing a poo, they'd stick their fingers up there to 'get out the rest'. For some odd reason everyone else in the class also bought this outrageous lie.

I used to believe…

When I was in infant school I had a friend named Robert whose mum was a nurse. Robert had a lot of bad habits so she used to tell him lies to make him stop. I distinctly remember him coming to school looking very worried, because he'd heard that if you did false burps then your chest would split open. To back up this lie his mum added that she'd just been treating a 75-year-old man who'd had to have surgery as a result of doing false burps. Everyone in the class believed it for ages.

i used to believe that if you kept your mouth open when you slepp that spiders would drop in your mouth and would lay eggs in it. so i never leave my mouth open when i sleep still.

I used to think that I had to be very careful and eat on each side of my mouth equally or my teeth would grow to be lop-sided.

I used to believe…

When I was about eight I stayed up late to watch 'Frankenstein' on the BBC. What freaked me out the most was that every time the monster appeared, there was this quiet but persistent sound of a heart beating. Then I went to bed and of course couldn't sleep. Because I could hear my heart beating when I lay on my ear, I called out to my parents in panic "I can hear my heart beating!"
My dad, full of sympathy, said "I should bloody well hope so."

I used to believe…

When I was about 5 I used to keep a jar of dried spaghetti on my desk and when I ate it I believed it turned me into a wizard.

I used to believe…

when i was about 6 we were on a family holiday, visiting relatives. My sister was complaining to my mother of a sharp stinging sensation in her stomach. I overheard my mother say to her 'its probably just indigestion'. Later that day, I noticed a sharp stinging sensation in my legs and so I was talking to a cousin (that we were visiting) told her about my sore legs. I said in that all-knowing way 'its probably nothing serious, just a bit of indigestion' - my aunt and mother overhearing the conversation burst out laughing.

I used to think if i eat spinich which I begged my mom to buy, I would grow big arms like Popeye.

i used to believe that my "droppings" looked like ninja turtles and other cartoon characters!

I used to believe…

One night, when I was about 4-5, I had a nightmare and I went into my parents room and I eventually fell asleep in their bed. I dreamed about flying. The next morning, lo and behold, I woke up in my own bed! I firmly believed that I could fly in my sleep and when I was told that my dad carried me back to my bed, I refused to believe it! I realised how silly this was a short time later.

I used to believe…

When I was around 5 or 6 I came home with a bad report card. It was cloudy and looked like it was about to storm. When I got home my mom looked at my report card and then yelled "JESSE!" loudly and at the same time a very large lightning bolt flashed. I thought that my mom could control weather and because I was her son I thought that I could too by yelling my name. Three months later I was playing in my backyard in a snow storm with my friend. Remembering what happened previously I said "watch this" and yelled my name. Strangely, at the same time I yelled a powerful gust of wind blew me onto my face into the snow. I reasoned it was because I was too young to control my powers.

I used to believe…

When I was little, I used to swing my hands behind me and clap. Except i used to think it was someone elses hands...

I used to believe…

when i was in kindergarden, i used to think tht girls pissed out of theirs butts because they hav no penis.. bumer

I used to believe…

When I was little (2-3) I used to love baths so much, I didn't want to get out to go to the bathroom. So one day I had to poo really bad, so i just did. I didn't notice it at all until it somehow wound up in FRONT of me and was floating towards me. Horrified, I screamed and jumped out of the tub yelling "A BUG! A BUG! ITS GOING TO EAT MEEEE!" To this day I still hate taking bathes.