body functions

I used to think that if you pinched your stomach you would go pee.

I used to believe…

Once when I was at a friend's house I started sneezing. I sneezed maybe 4 or 5 times in a row. My friend looked at me with a straight face and said, "you've just sneezed past the legal limit." I didn't believe him at first, but he persisted with saying, "No, for real. If you sneeze 5 or more times in a row that means something is wrong with you and you should see a doctor right away." I totally believed him, seeing as how I always sneezed at least 5 times in a row, and I always thought he was really smart.

I used to believe…

when I was 3 I had a slight squint, so my parents took me to the hospital so the doctor could look at my eyes. I assumed the doctor would take my eyes out to look at them so I screamed so much the doctor told my parents, "Well her lungs are fine and I think her eyes are too."

I was born in Kentucky and lived there for about 3 years. I had a playmate that I really loved. His name was Ges. Then my family moved to Illinois. I missed my friend so much that one night while standing out on our back porch of our new house, I yelled out his name. I figured that if I yelled loud enough, he could hear me back in Kentucky. I stood and listened for a reply, but none was heard.

I used to believe…

Once when my family stayed at a motel, my sister and I were standing on a chair, looking out the little peep-hole at the top of the door, laughing at some thing or person walking by. At that moment, our 3 year old sister came running over to the door yelling, "I wanna see!" and just planted her face into the lower-half of the door, thinking that since we could see through the door at our head-height, why couldn't she see through it too?

I used to believe…

When I was a little boy, I once had a nightmare: a kind of strange creature was hitting my belly. This bad dream woke me up, and I realized that my belly was kind of aching. I was terrified! Instead of thinking that the pain was the cause for the nightmare, I began to believe that dreams really happen and affect you in the real life!

I used to believe that when I 'popped off', as long as I said 'Pardon me' it wouldn't smell. I hate to think how many times I farted in company and then quietly whispered 'pardon me', thinking no-one else would ever know what I had done!

I use to think that if I don't wash my hands after taking a dump, my ass would be fried to hall with toilet paoer... and I'll end up looking like Jabba tha Hutt.

I used to believe…

When my mom explained to me that tampons and pads were things that women had to use because they had certain bodily functions, I thought that she meant that women wear tampons and pads because there were no bathrooms at work and if they had to go, it would be taken care of by a tampon or pad.

I used to think that when my stomach made gurgling noises or rumbled it was two little uniformed pilots in a cockpit in my tummy talking to each other over a radio.

I used to believe that when you got cancer all your hair fell out cos that's what cancer did. Found out later that's what chemotherapy does.

I used to believe…

Once I had this dream I dug some index cards out of the garbage, then I could wish for something like a plane ticket to Japan, a notebook computer, or candy. So after I had the dream, I found a box and started wishing for stuff. Unfortunatly my wishes didn't come out! :(

I used to believe…

for a lot of years i wouldn't fart in the winter, especially on cold days. i used to see the way your breath made visible 'clouds' and thought that if i farted, my bum would do the same thing. this was only proved to be wrong about 3 years ago when i asked my now husband to see if it did leave a cloud behind me...it's a wonder he still married me after that lol

I used to beleive that the clouds were evrybodies farts. And if everybody kept farting soon the sky would be clogged up with cloud. It was when i was 8 in a geography class and i told the teacher the clouds were our farts that i found out that clouds werent our farts after a large amount of teasing

I used to believe…

up until about 6 years old i thought that clark kent turned into superman by running and tearing at his shirt. i figured that if i did this in exactly the same way i'd have superpowers too. this led to many a broken shirt.

I used to believe…

The first time I ever learned the word "diarrhea", it was in a context that didn't make the specific meaning clear. Instead I got the idea that diarrhea meant any poop. I thought I'd learned the "grown up" term for poop, and started saying "I have diarrhea" any time I needed to poop. After a while, my mother got concerned and took me to the doctor. I don't remember what, if anything, was resolved there. And it seems it must have been years later that my confusion finally got cleared up as to what exactly diarrhea is.