body functions

I used to believe…

When I was about five or six, my mom told me that there was a machine that I could plug into my belly button and let me fly around my room. I had no idea she was joking and I really thought that this machine existed for about a year or so.

I used to think when i fell asleep kidnappers would come and take me from my bed, and my brothers would joke with me and say they would fight off the badguys and let them take me. So everynight I would pray and ask God to send angels to protect me, if i didn't, i wouldn't be able to sleep!

I used to believe that if you touched your own privates you would get AIDS.

I used to believe…

Back as a little Boy my parents laid me
down for a Nap. I found it to be a very
"Boring thing to do. Instead I Found that I had "Brown Finger Paints to
put on the walls, the Bed, Me
..
I do not know why my parents did not
like my art expression

I used to believe…

When my sister was little (maybe three or four) she accidentily walked in on our father in the bathroom. Later that day she annouced to my mother and I that, "Daddy pees out of his finger!"

I thought that your turds were little people.

I was about ten when I asked my grandma what herpes was.

"They're Furbies, right? Only a little bigger? I think they sell them at the gas station."

My parents still think it's really funny.

I used to believe…

Since I would always hear that getting a good nights sleep would make you grow, I thought that little elves would come into your room while sleeping, chop off you foot, and snap in another piece of ankle liek a Lego. It wasn't until later that I realized that if this was true people would have very long ankles.

I used to believe…

When I was four my grandmother took care of my brother and I for a few days. She caught me peeing outside and warned me that if I did it again a bird might mistake my penis for a worm, seize it, and carry it away to her nest. To this day I look out when I take a leak outside.

I used to think that my poop was brown because I ate a lot of brown foods, and that my pee was yellow because i drank lots of yellow liquids. So one day I ate some blueberries, expecting my poop to be blue. Instead, it was brown! I just couldn't figure out what was wrong with me!

I used to think that the penis got its name because you pee out of it, so I thought that by that same token your but should be called your poonis, because you poo out of it. This is a highly common childhood belief.

I used to believe that women peed out of their butt holes, since they don't have penises. I was kind of close.

I used to believe…

when i first heard about heat sensor cameras, i always thought that most shops would have the cctv camera with this built in. i would never fart in a shop incase they were looking at the heat sensor camera, and see a big patch of heat coming out of my bum, i accidentally did one once, and i kept waiting for one of the shop staff to come over to laugh and point at me!
awwwwwwwwww

I used to believe…

When my sister and I were little I convinced her that if she ran fast enough that she could fly. She would run around in circles real fast but of course she would never actaully take off.

I used to believe…

When I was little (6 or so), I knew that 'lupus' was a disease, and I also knew that 'lupe' was Latin for wolf; so I assumed - and I think this was a quite reasonable assumption - that perople with lupus were werewolves.

I used to believe…

When i was younger i thought i had special power like the power ranger and superman and that i could fly so one day i stood on top of my grandmother's dinning room table and jump off thinking i could fly i bust my lip and hurt my wrist and leg (i tryed it again thinking i could use a broom to fly beleving i was a witch)