body functions

I used to believe…

When I was about 5 years old, I would always wonder how the pooh in the toilet went through the small tubes (the water tubes that stuck out of the wall) and down the drains. So I immedietly assumed that there were little gnomes working at a rapid speed with knifes that sliced the pooh so quickly that it would safely go through the tubes.

I used to believe…

When I was a kid, my big sister once told me that, if ever I touched my own poop, I would die. Boy, was I careful not to do that! But then one day, when I'd done a messier doodoo than I realized, some had gotten out beyond the reach of toilet paper. So in wiping, I felt something squooshy on my bare hand. I looked and, horror of horrors, a little dookey had gotten on my hand. Boy, was I patrified! It must have been ages before I got over a fear of dropping dead from that. To try to survive, or at least eradicate any evidence of the cause of my impending death, I must have washed that spot on my hand a thousand times. Then I'd smell it to try to see if I'd gotten it clean. But I found poopy smell is persistent! No matter how much I washed, that spot on my hand would still seem to smell like poopy. Finally years later, I became sure my sister had duped me. I finally thought to realize, since my poopoo always touches my anus, why doesn't it kill me from that? I realized I must have been really silly to believe my sister's words of doom. Finally one day, I had to prove things once and for all, so I dared to purposely catch a turd in my hand as it came out. I washed my hands really good afterwards, this time not caring how long there might be a tiny residual poop smell. Well, that's been several years ago and I haven't died yet!

I used to believe…

When i was little my friends convinced me that when i heard somebody else fart that it was really me.And they told me that no body would know if i sniffed them up quickly enough.Needless to say, my friends constantly tried to fart so that could watch me turn around and sniff untill i thaught it was gone.

I used to believe…

This isn't so much childhood belief as childhood logic.
When I was a kid and I was dreaming I was always terrified at the fact that I couldn't figure out whether I was dreaming or not. But one day I realised that whatever you don't want to happen in dreams is generally what happens. So I took a fear I used to have as a child of being scared of gorillas to overcome this.
When ever I was sleeping and not quite sure whether I was or not I would use reverse psycology on my subconscious mind and repeat the words "I hope a gorilla doesn't show up" over and over, and if one appeared I realised I was in a dream and had nothing to be worried about.

I used to believe…

When I was a little girl (3 or 4 years old), I had a lot of gas pains. I don't know where I got the idea, but for some reason, when I was sitting on the toilet, I was convinced that I had these little miniature cowboys and indians running around in my stomach doing battle with each other and whenever someone would miss their target, I would feel a sharp pain where their bullet hit.

I used to believe…

When I was in third grade,we were taking a test and I farted and it came out soooooooo loud and it sounded strangely like a horn. Everyone turned around and looked out the window thinking that a big truck had went by and blew its horn. I turned around and went with it, because i didn't want anybody to know it was me.

I used to think if you pushed the flusher on the toilet up instead of down, water would shoot out and a mummy would come out and eat you, when you were sleeping.

I used to believe…

When I was little,(3 or 4),I used to strip down my clothing when I had to go number 2,because I believed that a giant poopy would come out and covermy entire body in a thin layer of dookie. I to this day poo naked.

I used to believe…

When I was little, I was a very picky eater. To try to make me eat more, my dad would put on a fake voice, pretending to be my stomach. He would say things like "C'mon. I'm hungry. I want more meat." and things like that. I believed that my stomach actually talked to me for a few years.

I used to believe…

When I was about 3 or 4 years old I asked my mom what would happen if boys peed the same way as girls. (You know, sitting on the toilet instead of standing.) Well, I misheard her and I thought she said they would melt when she actually said they would make a mess.

I used to believe…

When I was 4, I used to have these weird little thought that all the terds in my body were a family, and that I was doing them a favor by pooping them out. I always thought that they'd be reunited at some kind of party underneath the toilet after they were flushed.

I used to believe…

When I was in about 8, we would stand in line in school every morning to go to the bathroom. Most of the time, I had to pee really bad. I would always think that if I tried hard enough, I would puke my pee out, and I wouldn't have to go anymore.

I used to believe…

When I was in 3rd or 2nd grade, this kid Peter said he could see through his hand. I thought I could to. You had to consentrate really hard on the fingers of your hand and you can see through them. It was just something with our eyes that made us think that we could see through our hands!

I used to believe…

my friends husband has a little neice. well someone had told this little girl apparently that when you see poop it is actually chocolate. one day they went up to the bathroom to use it there stood the little girl turd in hand with it in and all over her mouth she was eating the chocolate out of her mini training potty.

I use to think once you grew up only ugly people went to the bathroom. I figured if you were pretty you didnt have to go cuz pooping was to gross for them. I remember thinking i wanted to be pretty so I wouldnt have to go to the bathroom.

I used to believe…

My son is in Kindergaren and one of his classmates is not in school. I asked him where Jamie had been and he said
"Oh, He's in the hospital getting his lungs taken out."

I think he meant tonsils

I used to believe…

When the house was silent and i was in bed, i could hear my own pulse but because i had a strange imagination i thought that it was a giant man comin to kill me but i was protected my an alarm. The only thing that got me to sleep was the thought that he doesnt know my alarm code. I was still scared though.