body functions

I used to believe…

My parents had some carved wooden figures that my brother bought them in Korea - they were an old Korean man and woman, both with bizarrely carved faces and carrying big walking sticks. My sister convinced me that when I went to sleep at night, they came alive and beat me over the head with their little sticks.

I used to believe…

Ahh, childhood...so many stories.

A friend of my moms (still friends) use to tell me and my brother not to fart around cigarettes or a match cause our butts would 'blow off'. I wasn't afraid of something that never happened so on that same day we went to pick up my mom from work, I leaned to the front seat and asked.

"Mommy, if I put a match to my butt and fart...will it blow up?"

There was a pause, my mom looked at her friend and her friend looked like a frog holding in air, then BOOOOM!! Burst of laughter and I knew that the woman friend was lying the whole time.

I used to believe…

When I was little (isn't that how these things start?)
I remembering being just amazed at how my brother could pee standing up! I mean come on, I had to sit down to do it and he was free standing!

Anyway, one day I asked him to show me how to pee standing up...and us being on the same level of innocent stupidity he did a dry demo; realizing that I didn't have the part needed to do this I sat on the toilet facing the flusher handle (backwards from what a girl should sit) and went, I thought I had accomplished my goal! I can still remember happily screaming:

"I'm doing it! I'm doing it!"
My brother laughed (loud) and said.
"NO NO! That's not right, stand up a little then do it!"

Well, I gave up- I figured since he has to poo sitting down and so do I we were equal in that department.

I used to believe…

When I was younger my brother told me that if you had one of those dreams where you were falling, and you hit the ground and died in your dream, you really died. I always shocked myself awake during those dreams, until one night I dreamed I hit the ground, and woke up just fine.

I used to believe…

Above the toilet in the bathroom is a small window. While growing up, I used to think that some people were looking through the window and taking pictures of me having a poo. I rested the toilet seat on my back for years so that they wouldn't be able to.
Oh God....

I used to belive that you only were given so much Voice when you were born, so that at some point I'd run out. So I began to try to talk as little as possible!

I used to believe…

As a kid, I always thought there was a little projectionist in my head while I slept and showed me my own private movies.

I used to believe that girls urinated out of there butts.

I used to think that AIDS was transmitted by the Aedes mosquito, and was scared to death of being bitten by mosquitoes for fear of getting AIDS.

I believed that if I tried hard enough, and really strained inside my heart, I would lift off the ground and be able to take off and fly!! As much as I tried to fly away, I never could! But I truly thought it was possible.

I used to believe…

When I was a kid my mom had told me that only boys fart, girls could only "poot". That seemed to convince me that it was a much more delicate experience for the farer sex.

Now I know better. Mom has been the only girl I've ever known who could "poot" like a Howitzer.

i uses to believe that boys wee'd out of their belly buttons.

I used to believe…

When I was young my mum told me that things that smell bad were poisonous. So every bathtime I would take an empty jamjar. I fill the jamjar with water and catch the bubbles from farts I did in the bath. Later on when my sister was a sleep i would sneak into her room and take the lid off the jar and let her breath the poisonous fumes in her sleep. To my disapointment se survived for over a week and is still alive

I used to believe…

when i was a child there was this tv ad with a man sitting in lotos (yoga) position. he closed his eyes and slowly left the ground, and when he hovered about 50 cm above the ground, a voice said: "es geht!" ("it works!")
i used to believe that if i tried hard enaugh i would one day learn how the trick worked and then i'd be able to fly...

I used to believe…

when I was little, I thought that the food we ate went into each leg, and then all the way up. Once it had gotten to my neck I knew I was full.

I used to beileve that my parnets didn't go to the toilet, and it was just kids who had too!!