body functions

I used to believe…

When I was a girl the British princesses Anne and Elizabeth were about my own age. I thought they were so lucky because they never had to go to the bathroom the way we mortals did.

I used to believe that I was going to start a religion when I grew up. The main rule of the church was that you had to finish peeing before you could start pooing or you would be sent to the Devil. It appears that I am the only member of my church.

I used to believe…

When I was younger, like even still at 6 I think, I thought that all inside of our bellies was a big tub with a propeller like thing that would mix it all up and compact it. Remember this a few years ago, I realized that I wasn't completly wring.

I used to believe…

When i was 5 or so i thought that if someone had brain surgery they would go in and sit down on a chair like at the hairdressers and someone would just slice their head open and fix whatever was wrong. i believed this subconsously until i was 12.

I believed that it was natural for everyone to have a smile on their face at all times. I was shocked when one day when I was about 2,I looked at my mommy, who was watching television, and she had a serious look on her face.

I used to believe…

My auntie told me if I went to sleep with a smile on my face, God would love me more. I couldn't get to sleep most nights 'cos my facial muscles hurt so much from smiling!

I used to believe…

For the longest time, when I was sick, I thought I could get rid of the cold I had by blowing the cold air out, and breathing warm air in. I thought this until I was 12.

I used to believe…

When I was in the first or second grade a bunch of my playground friends told me that if I could kiss the tip of my elbow that it would change me from a girl into a boy. But needless to say after 32 years I can only rub my perfume onto the inside of my elbow!

I used to believe…

Actually both of my daughters, at ten years apart mind you, independently came to the same conclusion that you had to "give away" an illness such as a cold to get over it. Each of them had an episode where they started crying because I didn't want to "catch it" they both thought I was so mean because I wanted them to stay sick!

I used to believe…

When I was little (4) I had my tonsils out because of very severe ear infections, bad enough to burst an ear drum. Somehow I got the idea that I was sent to the hospital as punishment for being sick and in pain. I was very reluctant to complain about anything after that.

I used to take baths with my older brother. He would always splash the water around near his crotch and say he was "making a pie". He had my mom, sister, and me all believing that he had a pleasant imagination. He was actually peeing in the tub.

I used to believe that the colored ribbons that loggers tied on trees were to mark where they went to the bathroom.

i used to believe, after seeing my cousin poop white poop, that when someone poops out white dump, that means that they drank too much milk, causing their own poop to turn white. i dunno if it's true still.

I used to believe…

when i was about 7 or 8, and would get sick to the point of vomiting, i thought that my body was confused and that i was actually having diarrhea out my mouth instead of my butt... needless to say, i had some interesting complaints to tell my parents.

I used to believe…

When I was a little kid, about 4 or 5, I found out that birds ate gravel for their digestion, so I figured eating tiny pebbles was good for me, too...until I learned people didn't have gizzards (and what gizzards did).

I used to believe…

When I was a youngster, I used to believe that I could be like Storm on Xmen and control the wind. I would point at trees and yell "Wind!" It used to work to a degree. I just wish that I had it now, so I could make the wind go away in this gosh darn cold weather!!