body functions

I used to believe…

My Uncle told me that he used to have a hole in his bottom lip. This would cause his mouth to leak when he ate unless little men came and shut up the hole for him.

I used to believe…

When I was 5 or so, my much-older brother convinced me that if you ate the core of an apple and swallowed the pips, a tree would grow in your belly and grow out of your belly-button.
Needless to say I was always sure to throw the pips away.

I used to believe…

That when I put a bucket over my head and used the handle as a chin strap that I could walk on water

I used to believe…

when i was a little grandfather told me that if i get wounded like a cut for instance. all the food i ate will come right out from the opening of the wound.

I used to believe…

When I was a kid, I thought that if I could swing high enough, I would be able to fly when I jumped off the swing. Not from other places, though, just swings...if I jumped from anywhere else, my (invisible) wings wouldn't work because I was moving too slowly and I'd crash into the ground. But that might have been because I was terrified of standing on high places as a child...

I used to believe…

When I was little I firmly believed every bit of food I ate went down into my toes, then feet, then ankles, then legs ... I think you get the picture. I'm pretty sure I didn't know this was wrong until we started learning about digestion in school.

I used to believe…

When I was little, I was absolutely convinced that if I could just get my parents to attach the furniture to the ceilings I'd be able to walk on the ceilings normally. I still want an upside-down room, and I'm 32.

I used to believe that if I put my hands over my ears no-one could here me going to the toilet. I was 12 before I stopped putting my hands over my ears when I was on the toilet!

I used to believe…

When I was five or six, I asked Diddee, my grandmother, what happened to food after you swallowed it. She told me that it went to your stomach, where it was made into stuff that your body could use, just like we prepare food for cooking with a chopping board and a knife. For years afterward, I thought of my stomach as containing a chopping board and knife.

I once asked my mother what whould happen if you held in a fart, not getting much response I asked would the gas poison your insides, to which she replied yes (being a mother now with 3 young kids constantly asking questions - I realise now she was not actually listening to me). Unfortunately I believed holding them in would kill me so from that day I would fart whenever the need took me - including a very loud embarrassing one in Kindy during the singing session. I put up with the humiliation of everyone laughing at me because I genuinely beleived I had saved my own life.

I thought that you could capture a fart in a jar - Sound and all. The procedure was that you fart in the jar and put the lid on as quickly as possible. A fart in a jar could last as long as a week. As the week went by the fart degraded

I used to believe…

Some scummy poor kid at school (you know the short scrawny sort with greasy basin hair) got electrocuted by a telephone (?) which explained his amazing strength when annoyed - totally out of scale to his size

I used to believe that i was Luke Skywalkers younger brother and that when i was 12 i would have jedi powers and would be able to contact luke with my mind and get him to pick me up in his spaceship, this was to be the first of many disappointments in my life.

I used to believe that my butt was an alien and that if my turds were too stinky he would come off, do a dance, and then eat my brains....

I realized later it wasn't true whan i ate cabbage everyday for a week and my parents almost pased out when they walked bye the bathroom.

I used to think I could fly. No joke. I wasn't on pot as a child. I also thought that Care Bears were real. I had imaginary friends too.

I used to believe…

Up until I was about Ten I was convinced that all my Wee came from my testicles and what was there was all you got forever; I was very concerned that their capacity seemed a little small and that I was destined to run out of Wee one day. In an attempt to conserve the ever decreasing supply, I ended up with a water infection from constantly holding my wee in. At the doctors I cried and told my parents and the Doc about my pending wee drought. After much giggling I was told indepthly about the bladder and kidneys etc. I was very "relieved" after hearing this news.....I now try to wee as often as possible!!!