body functions

I used to believe…

people could read my mind, but didn't tell me

I used to believe…

Up until about six, I use to believe that everyone had a different color of pee and I was stuck with yellow.

I used to believe…

My best friend Maggie's dad told her that if she ate bread crusts it would help her learn to whistle. She told me. So we would eat everyone else's bread crusts at lunch. I didn't like the bread crust much, but I ate it thinking it would help me whistle until I was way too old.. Like 13.

I used to think that people cried different color tears because I saw my aunt crying and her brown mascara was running and my sister told me it was because people cried different color tears, and I was boring because my tears were clear!

I used to believe that the boogie man put boogers in my nose while i was sleeping. Thanks to my neighbor!

I use to believe (thanks Mom) that if I played with fire I would wet the bed.

I used to believe…

My grandpa said that if I ate watermelon seeds that a watermelon would grow in my tummy; everytime I accidentally I was SO scared that one would grow and it just wouldn't fit down there. Haha.

I used to believe that I was genetically mutated so that my brain was modified to cause me to have super intelligence and super senses at the cost of being able to interact normally with other people.

I used to believe…

For a large part of my life growing up, i constantly had little aches in my arms and legs, i asked my mom why they hurt, she told me that they were groin pains. this went on for years, till one day i asked what she ment by groin pain. I have never seen her laugh so hard in her life, she told me after she caught her breath that they werent groin pains, but gro"WING" pains.

I used to believe…

When I was little, I used to think that there were little gremlins in my stomach that used gears to push out my poop. When I couldn't poop, I used to tell my parents that my "gears weren't working". Sometimes, I would encourage the little men by saying things like "you can do it!"

I used to believe…

when i was small, my class had this human biology book...the book had some crazy drawings depicting a whole tribe of tiny men wearing overalls who lived inside your body, helping it to function...

i took it a little literally, and started eating pencils and paper, so they'd have writing materials...thank goodness my teacher stopped me before i got onto material for new overalls...

I used to believe…

When I had chicken pox my older brothers told me that I was getting them because of two guys inside me with hammers that were punching them out of my skin, and the only way to get rid of them was to let them punch me in the stomach...totally bought it.

I used to believe…

When I was a kid my sister told me that girls poop out of their belly buttons, and that their buttholes are reserved for having babies, that being where the babies come out. I was in college before I first suspected that girls might poop out of their butts.

I used to believe that taking medicine when you weren't sick would make you sick (cold medicine would give you a cold, headache medicine would give you a headache, etc.) I didn't even like to touch the bottles for fear of getting sick.

I used to believe that if you get sick and then die, that if you were sick, you were just a little bit dead.

I used to think that you were only supposed to breathe when you were asleep so I would try to hold my breath for as long as possible during the day