body functions

I used to believe…

When I was younger and wouldnt go to sleep, my mam used to tell me that the 'Sandman' would come and rub sand in my eyes to make me go to sleep. I imagined him wearing a tweed jacket and matching flat cap, with a big brown sack & weird skin...

I used to believe I was an android after seeing the movie D.A.R.Y.L.L. I even thought of a cool name from my own name with dots in it. I used to think my parents repaired me at night when I was sick, in a secret computer room and they didn't want me to know. (Or anyone else, since I was a secret operation)

I used to believe…

iused to believe that i could cook things by looking at them and a crazy sheep called jack would kill me in my sleep!!

I used to believe…

after i got potty trained, i thought u didnt have to use the toilet anymore, because the potty my parents had for me rested ontop of the toilet. so when they said i was trained enough to no longer use the potty i urinated behind the tv set and did a turd in the bathtub

I used to believe…

When we were about 8, me and my best pal Julie wondered what colour pee black people did - was it black or the same as ours? We were too scared to ask our parents and resigned ourselves to never finding out.
Also, my parents referred to shit as 'doodles', so us kids thought it was hilarious when people talked about doodling on paper.
I can remember my younger sister asking my boyfriend if he peed before he sat down for a dump, or did he tuck his willy into the toilet and do it at the same time.

I used to believe…

When I was 4, I thought the expression "eat it up" didn't make sense, because when you eat, the food goes DOWN into your stomach, not UP into your head.

I used to believe…

When I was very little my mother insisted that we asked for attention when we needed the toilet. For years I thought that what I was saying "I need a tension" and therefore thought that a poo was actually called "a tension".

I used to believe…

when i was younger about 5 yrs old i used to think that there was little people inside your body who controlled you! a bit weird do u think?

I used to believe…

Now they do say that you are what you eat. I remember eating 6 banana's in a row because I really thought it was cool to look like a banana. Then I threw up and my mum hit me and told me not so stupid.

I used to believe…

I used to believe that the shaking done by people with parkinson´s disease was down to being nervous. Only this belief carried on right up to the 1996 olympics when Mohamed Ali appreared shaking, before lighting the flame. Thanks to my dear friend Daniel for explaining this small detail to me.

I used to believe that snot was actually waste from your brain ("brain-poop") and that when you had a cold and your sinuses got stuffed up, it was your brain suffering constipation.

I used to believe…

when i was a kid i believed i could make things happen just by snapping my fingers like in mary poppins!!

I used to believe…

This is disgusting, my apologies up front. I was told as a kid that to conserve rations whilst at war, soldiers would only ever wipe their bums with one piece of loo paper.

I was told that they'd tear a small hole in the centre of one piece, put their finger through the hole, wipe up all the mess with the finger and then wipe their finger with the remainder of the paper. I believed this well into my teens and shuddered at the thought of joining the army.

I decided one day when I was 5 or so that if you can breath through your mouth and nose you should be able to drink though your mouth and nose too. I had a big glass of grape juice and and straw. I put the straw up one nostril and inhaled deeply. I found out the hard way that this wouldn't work. I also found out that grape juice stains.

I used to think that a general anasthetic was one used widely, all over the country, and a local anasthetice was a shot of rum or some tradiotional remidy only used locally.

I used to believe…

My father used to tell my brother that if he breathed in my father's farts, that it would make my brother grow. So when my father would cut one, my brother would run up and take big, long whiffs. Cracked dad up.