body functions

I used to believe…

When I was young and I didn't want to go to school, my mom used to make me use one of those 'under-the-arm' thermometers to make sure that I really had a fever.
I used to go into my room, close my door, and hold my breath for as long as I could, because I thought this would raise my temperature.

It never did.

I used to believe…

When I was 5, my father casually told me as I was getting into bed about someone who had worn their socks to bed: Their feet had gotten so hot, they unknowingly bit their toes off in the middle of the night. Rest assured, that story stuck with me, and thereafter I never forgot to take my socks off before going to bed.

I used to believe that I could fly, but that I had somehow forgotten how to do so. This made me very sad. I had a strong memory, one which repeated often when I was young (<6) of being able to fly by standing in the living room and hopping about on one foot. I could jump up and sort of grab onto the air, somehow, as if catching some invisible, formless gust of air.

I couldn't understand why I could no longer do this, but why I could remember it so clearly. I think, since I can even remember those memories now with great clarity, that I must not have been told about dreams; for dreams is what I have told myself my flying was, and nothing more.

I used to believe…

when i had a cut or scratch, i used to believe that if i ate my blood it would go right back to the same spot in my body.

I used to believe…

This is so embarrassing, but my dad used to tell us that when you fart it's your bodies way of telling you you have to go to the bathroom!! If we farted more than once he'd be like "Ok, go to the bathroom already!"

I used to believe…

My sister once told me that if you slept all day, when you wake up you would turn into Dracula. I swear I believd her for a few years!

I used to believe…

When my cousin and I were 6 & 7 respectively, we went went to urinate together. He said, "all this pee in here makes my pee-pee stiff!" From that time until my early teens I thought it that whenever my penis would stiffen, it meant I had to urinate!

I had vivid memories from when I was about 6 years old of being able to levitate. I would start by jumping on the bed over and over and over and after jumping enough times, I would begin to float up against the ceiling. Moving around was very difficult, I had to swim through the air to get anywhere.

These memories were so vivid, that it wasn't until years later that I figured out I must have been dreaming. I didn't think about it until that same reoccurring float/fly dream came back, and when I woke up, using my newly acquired powers of logic, I came to the stunning realization that I'd never been able to fly at all.

That epiphany was worse than finding out the truth about Santa Claus.

Yeah, Santa Claus - what, you haven't heard???

I used to believe…

When I was a young child, I used to believe that the inside of my body was like a factory, and there were these little tiny workmen all over in there. They would yell things to each other like "Lookout Joe, he's eating again! Get ready to move some food!" and then they would all jump into action, moving the food around on these complex conveyor belts and such.

I used to believe…

Around 6 or 7, I thought a boy's scrotum was his "pee-bag", where urine was stored.

I used to think that, when you were in bed at night, flying people would pass over you with big cameras. They would take pictures of you in your sleep positions in bed, and would make statues of people in all their various sleep positions, which they would then erect in their world. In their world they had "forests" of statues standing in all sorts of odd, contorted positions.

I used to believe…

After watching Marry Poppins, I was convinved that if I jumped from a really high place with an open umbrella, I would float gently to the ground. After many failed attempts from the top of my swing-set, I believed it only worked jumping from clouds.

I used to believe…

My babysitter told me that if you swallowed your gum, the next time you pooted, a bubble would come out of your butt.

I thought that since boys sat down when they went #2 and stood up when they went #1, and since girls sat down for #1, they had to poo standing up because it just all made sense when I was little.

i used to believe that i could get a yeast infection by eating raw dough!

I used to have a superman-type pajama set, except i was missing the velcro-attached cape (which was taken by my mom). So of course, i believed that the cape was the key to superman's flight capabilities(since i obviously couldn't fly), and for a long time, i swore to people that if superman lost his cape, he wouldn't be able to fly anymore.