body functions

I used to believe…

When I was little, I believed that four little people lived in my stomach - one green, one red, one blue, and one yellow. Their job was to reconstruct all the food that I swallowed, and stack it up for digestion. (that's why the corn kernels came out whole - gross, I know.)

If I ate too much in one day, the stack would reach up into my throat and I would throw up.

(these little people were smaller versions of the same colored people who lived under my bed - for many years I couldn't allow a limb to dangle off the edge of my bed or the little people would grab it and pull me under.)

I used to believe…

Until my brother was about 16 he thought that my mother could really see through walls because everytime he would attempt to drink milk directly from the carton, my mother would catch him and tell him to get a cup.

Seems my mother's not as slick as we thought...from where she was sitting, she could see the light from the refrigerator and my brothers reflection in the strategically placed glass cabinet.

I used to believe…

When I was a kid my Mom taught me to put paper down before sitting on public toilets because there might be germs. I didn't follow her advice at Church because I believed that God's people were cleansed!

I used to beleive that if you swolled a tablet whole you would get kidney stones

I used to believe…

When I'd get a "pee shiver", I thought an invisible force surrounded me trying to restrict me (from what, I had no idea). So, to counter the feeling, I had to unpeel myself out of it like I was a giant banana. Countless times, I'd be sitting on the toilet getting the shivers, then flailing my arms around to free myself. Man, I must have looked stupid!

I used to believe…

when my friends and i were little, around six, we used to play a hansel and gretel type game and i was always the witch. eventually i really did think i had magical powers, i thought i could control the wind and it would make me fly. i have no idea where i got this theory!

I used to believe…

Being one who easily gets to the 'mad dash for the restroom' point when I find something really funny and one who just has to run to the restroom a lot in general, I was convinced that guys had a huge advantage in this department; I thought they could just kink their penises like lawn hoses, thereby stopping the flow until able to get to a restroom! Um, my first serious boyfriend in college kindly let me know the truth about this. I was like 19 or 20 at the time. Thanks, Matt!

I used to beleive that when I took a bath w/ my brothers, that if they peed in the water I'd get pregnant.

I used to believe…

My best friend currently dates a guy who is a 22 yr old fireman. He always believed that it is physically impossible for girls to fart, only guys fart. He believes it to this day. One day, my friend's sister and I decided to eat bean chili for lunch after a sleepover, knowing this boyfriend would be over to visit. Everytime we farted that afternoon he turned bright red. We would comment but he would say "No you didn't, girls can't fart." This was a few months ago, I'm 19.

I used to believe…

My boyfriend apparently thinks he has amphibian farts. Every time he lets one go, he mentions "Frogs".

I used to believe each food had a container inside my stomach. Peas went to their home, meat went to its home. Since I was a fingernail biter, the occasionally swallowed fingernail had a container also.

I used to believe…

Remember when Rice Crispies always used to have a black crispy in the packet, (by accident but it was always there). I used to believe that if I ate the bad one beofre all the good ones I would gain super powers like supergirl.
I once even tried to fly accross the landing believing that I had achieved my goal.

I used to believe…

When I was younger, I thought Alzheimers was really "Old Timers" because only old people had it. Imagine my embarassment when I said to my mother when I was about 17 that someone had Old Timers Disease.

I used to believe…

Because the first black person I was ever around chewed tobacco and snuff, I used to believe that that Negros had brown spit.

I used to believe…

When I was little I used to believe that when you ate, the food fell all the way to your feet and piled up. When it got to your throat you were 'full'.

I used to believe…

The actor, Lee Majors, better known perhaps as 'The Six Million Dollar Man' was my idol. As a four year old I believed that I too had bioic powers and could out-run cars, leap tall buildings, etc.

My poor mother was shocked to find me crouched on top of the kitchen cabinets one day preparing to leap to the floor. She scolded me, telling me that I shouldn't do things like that as I could get hurt. I promptly reminded her of my invincibility saying, "Don't worry mom, I'm bionic!"