body functions

I used to believe…

When I was little when someone farted around me I freaked out. You obviously didn't want to breathe through your nose and smell it...so one would think to breathe through your mouth? Not me. I thought that if I would breathe through my mouth, my breath would smell like the fart and everyone could smell it thinking I farted. Needless to say there were probably many occasions where I turned blue from holding my breath.

I used to believe…

From a misunderstood quick glimpse of something I saw when the neighbor girl pulled up her skirt and pulled down her panties behind the garage, I thought that girls peed out of a little dimple set into the middle of their right buttcheek.

I used to believe…

My boyfriends dad told him and his brothers that rocks were made from horse pooh so the bigger the rock... the more the horses poohed. They believed this for years and years(abnormally long time)

I used to believe…

For whatever reason, I used to get chest pains when I was a child. I was so frightened of doctors that I never mentioned them. One day when I was eight I tried to nonchalantly mention them to my mother, who (and I still wonder why she didn't show more concern) told me they were growing pains. I must have been 20 when I started thinking that I can't still be growing.

I used to believe…

When I was 8, my mother was very pregnant with my sister. Whenever she went to the bathroom, I'd stand guard by the door because I used to believe the baby might fall into the potty and I'd have to rescue it.

I used to believe…

Up until the age of about 9 I believed that when you were dreaming, and falling, you had to wake up before you hit the ground in your dream or you would actually die. I used to have nightmares that I was jumping off of a swing and would wake up scared to death thinking that I was subconsciously trying to kill myself.

I used to believe…

When I was about 5 or so, I remember believing that if I held my arms straight out to my side, and made figure 8's with them, I would start to lift up off of the ground and fly.

I used to believe…

when I was a kid I believed that I had a mortal illness that my parents hid of me.

I used to believe…

my mum told me that poo was actually hershey's kisses, and that there were little elves in the toilet who made candy from the kisses that came out of your bum. i didn't question this at all, but did ask if my best friend got white chocolate candy... since i was black and she was white this made perfect sense.

I used to believe…

when i was a kid, we swam in a lake. My sister always told me that when you hit a warm spot, it was where someone had just pee. I believed her, and everytime i hit a warm spot, i swam as fast as i could in the other direction!

I used to believe that drinking even a drop of urine would kill you. My brother and I made a special "stew" once that we'd both peed in, and then made the girl from down the road drink some (a tiny sip). We spent days battling extreme guilt, sure that she would die at any second.

I used to believe…

When I was little every time my day would fart he would say it was a mouse on a motorcycle. I never saw any reason not to belive him. I always pictured something from a Tom and Jerry episode. Eventually I figured it out.

I used to think that if I farted when no one was around, I could repeat the phrase "excuse me" several times, each time using a different voice or tone, and that would make the smell disappear.

I used to believe…

whenever i saw someone with an arm or a leg bandaged i thought they would stay like that forever and felt sorry for them

I used to believe as a child that there were little men with cranks who ran my body. And when they broke down, I would get sick.

I used to believe…

When I was young, I used to believe that there were little people in my food getting ready for a roller-coaster ride that would start once they reached my tongue. The entire episode was like "Splash Mountain". I would make announcements before I put the food in my mouth, and then WEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!