body functions

I used to believe…

One lackadaisical day at home, after one of my many siblings birthday parties, there was an old helium birthday balloon kind of hovering in air. I took to laying on the couch and focusing all my "mind energy" on the balloon. At that exact moment a door shut in another room thus causing the balloon to sway a bit.

My dad told me a had something called Telekinesis, which meant I had the rare ability to move things with my mind.

Unfortunately when I told my 2nd grade teacher that I could move things with my mind she made me put my money where my mouth is.

I wasn't able to produce...

I used to believe…

Once I had what I now know to be pleurisy and I was so scared that I was going to die that I didn't tell anybody. I was only in the 7th grade and terrified!

I used to believe my sister and parents lied about me talking in my sleep - until one night I shouted so loud I woke myself up!

I used to believe my father when he told me that if I sat on cold concrete I would get hemorrhoids.

I used to believe…

When I was young, I heard my parents talking about that someone had become a "vegetable", i.e. (they were brain-dead as a result of something). I did not understand this at all, but imagined the person turning into a pile of carrots, and wondering if anyone would eat them.

I used to believe…

My mom always told me if I made an ugly face it would stay that way forever.

I used to believe…

My sister Liz used to tell me that when you went to sleep at night, little worms would crawl out of your body, and then crawl back INTO your body before you woke up and got out of bed in the morning. I was so worried that some of them might get stuck or lost in the sheets during the night. And what if I had to suddenly jump up out of bed in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom ? How would all those little worms get back into then?

I used to believe…

When my brother Paul was a young child, he would fart constantly! This earned him the nickname of "Stinky." My sister and I would yell at him all the time to stop, saying it was disgusting. My mother would DEFEND him, saying,"Leave the baby alone! It's POISON! If he holds it in, it will make him SICK! He must've really believed her, because today, he is 32 years old, and he hasn't changed one stinkin' bit...

I used to believe that if I tried hard enough and concentrated, I could actually "float" off the roof of my Mom's house and land softly in the grass. After the first time I tried the 12-foot jump, I quickly dispelled that belief.

I used to believe…

When I was 4 I had gotten into my parent's closet and mistaken a can of Raid for air freshener. I sprayed it to see what it smelled like and ended up with Raid in my face. I wasn't hurt, but my Gramps told me that I might turn into a giant bug. It just so happens I had a very bad cold at the time and was hospitalized the next day with pneumonia. Needless to say I thought it was because I was turning into a bug! I loved that man, but he was a stinker!

I was firmly convinced I could fly - I even have strong memories of flying or floating down the stairs. I think I probably could and it was only when I was told I couldn't that I stopped being able to.

I told my little sister that if she squeezed too hard when doing a dump then her brains would come out of her bum. She had acute constipation for ages as a result...

I used to believe…

As I had never seen my parents go to the toilet for a No 2 I had the firm belief that as you got older you stopped needing to have a dump. I went around two weeks without going when I was about 10 and thought "this is it, I've hit puberty"

I used to believe…

When I was much younger, I lived on a military base in Norfolk (my Dad was in the RAF). Out the back of our house were a number of fields, and where the corners of the fields met there was a kind of wasteland all the local kids called "Mud Hill". There were trees, a big mound of earth and most interestingly the broken remains of what must have been a small building at one point. One day me and my friends were mucking about there (one of us keeping an eye out for the evil farmer), and my mate told me that the broken down building used to be a bunker where they housed all the nuclear and chemical weapons. Of course, this was patently untrue (hindsight's a wonderful thing), but unfortunately later that day I began to suffer from the first symptoms of hayfever I'd ever experienced.

Naturally, I knew nothing of hayfever, never having suffered from it before then, and could only surmise that I'd been contaminated by the chemical weapons under Mud Hill, and that I was gonna die. Even worse, I couldn't tell my parents that I was dying because they'd be angry with me for going there in the first place.

Luckily my Mum found me crying and put me straight. Phew! I was so relieved I forgot to even feel stupid :-)

I used to believe if i didn't sleep the next day wouldn't come. So if I had a rally good day I didn't want to sleep because then I could experience it again. Or if I forgot to do my homework I wated all night to get a extra day to do it. It never worked because I always began sleeping of tiredness of waiting.

I used to believe that when I was sleeping I was dead and that the dreams represented afterlife. I woke up because I begun living again.