body functions

I used to believe…

My father also used to tell me that there was a flying monster making people blind if they didn't sleep. When I went to bed I keept my eyes shut until I sleept (if I had to open them I did it under my quilt).

I used to believe…

My daughter had a blood blister on her finger and asked me if she could have a bandaid. I told her she wouldn't need a badaid unless the blister burst. It was out of my mouth before I realized what must be going through her head. Sure enough, she let out a scream and started sobbing because she thought her finger was going to blow up.

I used to believe that I could 'fly' at about 6 inches off the ground. I'd do this by holding my breath in my bloated out cheeks and doing a kind of breaststroke movement with arms and legs.

I used to believe that my blood would stop circulating around my body if I didnt use the foot pump, that was located in my foot, to pump it around!

I think I heard that the heart was a pump and just got a bit confused.

I believed that we had little people in our stomachs that processed our food. And it was especially good to try to eat bones, because if there was a hole in our skeleton, they would have material to fix it.

I used to believe…

My father had a fake eye and during the winter(in Michigan)he wore an eye patch to protect it from the cold. When I asked my mother (at age 3) why he looked like a pirate, she replied that he had a cold in his eye. From that remark and others about people having chest colds, I came to believe that you could catch a cold in any part of your body (hand colds, leg colds, etc.). I was quite old (11 or so) before I realized this was not the case.

I always thought "wet dreams" were like female menstruation.
In grade 6 we had a sex educator come in and she told stories of what boys would tell their parents after they had a wet dream. Would they tell them they accidentally wet the bed? Would they grab the sheets and throw them in the laundry?
I said "You could pretend you cut yourself and it accidentally bled all over".... I was so embarrassed, yet still didn't know what exactly a wet dream was!

I was convinced my Mom could see through floors and across miles as
she always seemed to know what the heck I was doing that wasn't right.
I was Fifteen and had gone upstairs to bed with a flashlight and comic
book being very careful to tuck the covers in tightly so nothing could be
seen. After ten minutes I heard my mom call my name from "downstairs."
I quickly turned out the flashlight and hid the book under the pillow, threw
the covers back and calmly answered "Yes Mamm", and from downstairs
she hollered up "Turn off the flashlight, put up the comic book and go to sleep"
All I could say was "Yes Mamm". Yeah I was convinced all my life.

I thought if I wished hard enough that some day Natalie Wood would actually become my big sister and then she'd come move in with us. Alternatively, I believed that somehow I could some day magically turn myself into her. Not just be LIKE her, but actually really BE her...

I used to believe…

Sometimes I would walk through a room and let a fart, and then say "Watch out for that barking spider". One day my 8 year old son jumped up on the couch to avoid the spider. That's when I found out that he thought barking spiders were real.

I thought that farts were invented one day by my parents when I was about three for the sake of my own amusement. I really thought that before this moment there had been no such thing.

I used to believe…

When I was very young, I really loved apple juice and it was just about the only thing I drank. I was completely convinced that this was why my pee was apple juice colored. I thought that if I drank grape juice it would be purple.

I used to believe…

When I was younger I used to believe that children with Down's Syndrome gestated for more months than the average child. After all, they were physically one age, but mentally younger.

I used to call farts, hearts which my parents thought was really cute. They never corrected me and I could tell them in public, "I hearted" and it never was rude

I used to believe…

For some reason I used to think that whenever I woke up with a really bad sore throat it was beacause I didn't brush my teeth properly the night before. Now that I'm older and know this isn't the case, I still brush my teeth a little bit longer when I have a sore throat!

I used to believe…

When I was very young, about 3 or 4 years old, my cousin told me "when you go to the bathroom, you poop out your bones". I was terrified of going to the bathroom and was afraid that would happen and my bones would be flushed away down the toilet! I finally could not wait any longer, so to be on the safe side, I used a bucket instead of the toilet! Somehow after doing that, I got over the "fear". Maybe I got in trouble or something....I don't remember!

I used to believe…

My mom used to tell me that if I didn't brush my teeth, a family of "cavity creeps" would sneak into my mouth in the middle of the night and give me cavities. There was a mom, a dad, and their son, whose name was Junior.

I must have had a dream when I was a little girl that I could levitate by flapping my hands whilst jumping in the air. For ages I thought this was true and then tried to show my brother who clearly thought I was mad. As did I when I fell back to earth without so much as a second in the air, I was totally convinced I'd shown him before. Very disappointing!