body functions

I used to think that my bodily functions were controlled by a team of little men (never women for some reason) who bore a strong resemblence to Rumplestiltskin. The main one wore a yellow hood and sat at a little steering wheel behind my forehead. Their houses were in my abdomen and their workplace was in my brain. I wondered quite a bit about them and what their little lives were like and what they thought of me.

i used to have this recurring dream where i was sort of flying through the local k-mart, but it was more like a cross between floating and swimming, making my way through all the racks of reasonably priced clothing. anyway, the dream was so real to me that for years i was convinced that there was some point when i was actually able to fly in that k-mart. i was always so dissapointed when it didn't happen again.

I too thought that as we ate the food would just build up in our stomach until we died. I didn't think we were entirely hollow, but just pictured food piling up in this huge stack from the bottom of my stomach up. On top of this stack I always imagined a cherry, like some putrid ice cream sundae.

I used to believe…

When I was 6, my next door neighbour (who was 4) was complaining of a sore tooth. I told her that if she put poo on her tooth, it would make it all better.

She used to believe!

I used to believe…

my sister believed that she was very sick with a disease called hypochondria. (all right, so i'm the one who told her she had hypochondria.)

i used to believe that when you had a dream and if there was something you liked in the dream and could manage to hold on to it until you woke up you it would actually appear ( i never was able to hold on to anyhing long enough until i woke up)

i thought getting a shot at the doctor's office meant you got spanked on your bottom with one of those little plastic shovels that are used to scoop up sand on the beach.

I believed that in using the toilet, one would completely remove his pants, and toss them aside. I did this till I saw the correct way on a movie. To this day, I still prefer to be naked at home when I poop. (Ft. Lauderdale is hot!)

I used to believe…

When I was very young, my mother told me that if you stood up while getting your temperature taken by mouth, the temperature would be wrong. (probably to keep me from running with a glass thermometer in my mouth) To this day, whenever I take me temperature by mouth, I have to remind myself that it's okay to stand up if I want to.

I used to believe…

This is somewhat bizarre: I used to believe that my mother would be able to remove the solid matter from my vomit and that I'd be able to use the resulting liquid as brown paint.

I used to believe…

My friend told me she had a special gift from god. She had powers in her stomach that enabled her to fly and distribute candy to airplane passengers. She claimed I wasn't ready for these powers because I my body was too small to handle them.

I used to believe that I never went to sleep at night. This was because I could never remember the actual moment that I fell asleep, so I just presumed I never did.

I broke my arm when I was 6. After it healed, I had to go back to the orthopedic clinic a couple times a year for checkups "to make sure it was growing right." From this I gathered that there was a serious danger that my arm would stop growing. I was terrified of becoming a full-grown adult with one little child-sized arm!

I don't think I ever told my parents of this fear, because they would have set me straight. I just gradually forgot about it after I stopped having to go to the doctor, and eventually I noticed that my arm had grown just fine along with the rest of me.

I used to hold my breath when my mom took my temperature, assured it would make me appear to have a fever. After all, dead people didn't breath, and they were certainly sick. Here's the odd part: it worked.

I used to think my family was the only one that farted. Except we didn't call them farts, we called them Boomies. I was in first grade one day and a kid next to me let one rip. I said excitedly "oh, you make boomies too?" The kid was like "I don't know what you're talking about, I farted"

Thanks Mom and Dad

I used to believe…

When I was I a kid I'd pluck out pieces of grass and eat the root. I'd say it gave me super strength and I flip and cartwheel all over the lawn.