body functions

I used to believe…

When I was a wee lad. I thought when you sqent your eye's at street lights at night and they look like they're shooting out in different directions was my super power.

I was so sure I was bionic that I gathered some schoolmates together to demonstrate my superhuman powers by pushing my school a few feet. To my great surprise, it didn't even budget.

i used to believe my wishes come true when i have this furry cloth plant. so i wished that a bee would sting my sister's butt...... it did :)

i still believe this :(

I used to believe…

when we were little, my nan used to tell my little brother and me that if we scratched our freckles we would get cancer and die - difficult as i have loads of freckles; just odd ones scattered all over my body. when my brother and i told my mum about this a couple of months ago (i'm 22 now!), but on separate occasions, my nanna completely denied it. she obviously realises now how evil she is, due to the many sleepless nights we used to have, fighting the urge not to scratch an itch

I used to believe…

When I was a little girl, my big sis got the flu. For no reason except my own strangeness, I thought that "getting the flu" actually meant having a feather inside your foot. I thought this until I got the flu, and my mum told me the truth.

I used to believe…

When I were a nipper, like I believed that when the nurse took yer blood pressure, the cuff had a needle which pierced yer vein and the stuff which ran up the tube was yer actual blood, like!

this is because we were soooo poor that I only saw balck and white telly and the mercury looked the same dark colour as blood.

having yer blood pressure taken scared the heck outa me till I were 18.

Now I'm a bachelour of science and a fellow of operating theatre science; I know that is completely untrue; the bloods in the little black squeeze ball!

I used to believe…

One time when I was about four I apparently pooped something hurtful and my thought was that a snake had bit me. For years I was always afraid of snakes biting my butt.

I used to believe…

my friends from down the road (who were girls) and myself, thought for soo long that girls had testicles which you pee out of, but they were inside them and cos they didnt have a penis they had to sit on the toilet. but when a girl wanted to be tom boy she could reach inside herself, pull them out and pee standing up. yes, we were very messed up kids. thats what we said one of the girls did cos she dressed like a boy all the time. they never told me if it was true.

I used to believe…

From Janie: When I was little, I had flying dreams so real I was sure I could fly.Getting started was always tricky and I had to use special breathing techniques to get off the ground (never in a Superman position but always upright like airborn doggy paddle)... ...I still have these dreams...

The quoted bits are exactly the same as what i had and sometimes still have (i'm like 21 now :)

Its sad i know, but i LIKE my sleep!

I used to believe…

My father chewed tobacco, and would spit it into the toilet. He would never flush. I always thought my dad's poop was like coffee grounds because he would never flush after he did his. I thought there was something wrong with his poop.

I used to believe…

When I was little, my cousin had kidney problems. I'd hear my mom discussing this quite often, and tried to imagine what a kidney looked like - kind of like a red cabbage cut in half. Why I got this image is beyond me.

I used to believe that I was one of nine stars who came to this solar system from God (who was the sun). We each went to our own planet and I was chosen to go to Earth. What I would at times do to fulfill my mission was stand in a weird X position with my legs and arms spread out (like pausing while your doing jumping jacks)so I would look like a star. This would allow magical powers to flow out of me and make the world a very happy place. My best imaginary friend was at first a strange-looking girl with purple hair and a pipe in her mouth who then when on to Venus and never saw me again because she was (or became) one of those nine stars. I even sadly missed her when she left. So weird!

I used to believe…

When I was about 4 years old, my brother was swinging me around and he accidentally(?) let go and I flew into a redwood chair, broke my leg, and got knocked out. I woke up in the doctor's office with a cast on my leg and spent the next several months on crutches. My brother got the bright idea to inform me that I had "caught" the broken leg like a sickness. Because I was too young to make the connection, I believed him. Once I recovered, I was terrified of people with broken legs or arms, for fear of a relapse. Then to make matters worse, he'd have friends at school, with casts on, chase me and I'd run all the way home. Finally when I was a few years older, I walked into a barber shop and a guy was in a chair with a cast on his leg, getting a hair cut. I backed away for a second, but then, right there, it dawned on me that "catching" a broken leg was ridiculous. I was instantly over my phobia.
Big brothers can be such shits.

I hit puberty when AIDS was "new", and heard that people got AIDS from getting sperm in their butt. I thought you could give yourself AIDS if you ejaculated in the bathtub and they swam up there.

I used to believe…

When I was young I used to believe that when I got an erection, that meant I had to pee. I thought that pee filled up the wanker making it hard!

I used to believe…

When I was a kid, taking the example of pipes that supply
hot and cold water, and take away waste from the drain, I assumed that the
things you ate and drank travelled around one's body in similar pipes,
metal no less. I believed that there two openings in the back of ones
mouth or throat; once was the pipe for liquids, one was the pipe for
food. I suppose I came up with this arbitrary separtion by noting the
separate "pipes" for liquid and solid waste. I was always curious to know
how exactly your body managed to direct food or liquid to the appropriate
pipe and how it dealt when say, I mixed a bit of water with my food as I
ate.