body functions

I told my brother when he was being potty-trained that if he pooped too much the poop monster would come out of the toilet and eat him from his butt up to his head. The poor kid refused to use a toilet until age five.

I used to believe…

As a child, I believed that I pooped brown because it was the color of my skin. So, I also thought that white people pooped white because it was the color of their skin.

I used to believe…

When I was little, I believed that when my body hurt (from growing pains) I was getting cancer.

I used to believe…

When I was younger I asked my parents could I play with my neighbours but they said no they have chicken pox. My response was, mm sounds yummy can I have some? Yep I thought it was food.

I used to believe that the dentist had to drill through your cheek to get to your teeth. I screamed and cried in his chair and was eventually sent to a children's dentist where they used laughing gas.

I used to believe…

when i was little i thought i was an alien, because i thought i was the only person that had saliva to keep swallowing. i knew my throat moved when i swallowed, but when i observed others, i didn't see their troats move!

I used to believe that urine was stored in the testicles and always wondered why they stayed the same size after peeing.

i used to believe that if you could see farts, they would be green triangles

I used to believe…

Red shoes make you run faster.

I used to believe…

My wife was out running errands with our son, who was 10 years old at the time, when she pulled into a video store, intending to return some rented movies. She noticed that he was desperately squirming, sweating, crossing and uncrossing his legs, and was close to tears. It turns out that he REALLY had to pee, but was too shy to say anything. They went into the store, which was quite crowded, and she asked the clerk if he would allow our son to use the bathroom. The clerk refused, explaining that the washroom was for employees only, and not available to the public. She asked the clerk to reconsider, explaining the urgency. Hoping it would cause the clerk to reconsider, she also added that "my son here has a VERY SMALL BLADDER..." At this, my son went crazy - and stomped right out of the store. For some reason, he was so angry with his mother, that he refused to speak with her, or even get back into the car. Eventually, we got to the bottom of his reaction. It turned out that he didn't know what "bladder" meant, but he assumed it meant "penis". So, what he heard her say to the clerk (in front of a lineup of other customers) was: "Please allow him to use your bathroom - you see, he unfortunately has a very small penis..." He's a young adult now, and has only been able to laugh about it for the past couple of years.

I used to believe that there was a little man living in my stomach that was constantly trying to crawl up my throat and out through my mouth. To keep him from escaping, I had to be sure to eat and drink every day.

I used to believe…

When I was 9 I heard my mom say ice cream goes straight to your thighs. I didn't eat ice cream until high school because I was convinced I'd have these huge legs if I did.

I used to think that eating the crust of bread helped improve whistling

I used to believe…

My dad told me once when i was young that when i had an earache it was because i had a potato in my ear, so for years after that i walked around trying to dig the potato out that i never managed to get when it was sore

I used to believe…

my best friend convinced his sister that when you reached puberty, you pooed out your mouth, just once.

she was 11

I used to believe…

when i used to take baths with my big sister as a child, my 16 year old sister told us that if you put sea salt in the bathtub that you would turn into a mermaid. when she put the salt in, it took 5 minutes before my sister and i started thinking that we could see fins! we ran out of the bathroom so fast!! haha