body functions

I used to believe the notice on toilet seat protectors saying: 'Provided by the Management for Your Protection.' meant that there was a government agency called the management for your protection

I used to believe…

When I was little my auntie told me that eating beets would turn my poop pink. So I ate the beet, ran in the house five minutes later, and almost immediately told her she was wrong.

I used to think that the human body was hollow. When you ate food, it began to slowly fill your body. When your body got full of food, you got sick and threw up.

I believed that if you ate while pooping it would immediately go right through you, so I never did and still don't

I used to believe…

When I was 4 or 5 I thought there were little elves inside my body that helped me poop. It was like a little factory and each one would turn a crank or something to move things along. I think I watched too much Fraggle Rock.

I used to believe…

When I was about 4 or 5 I believed that when my stomach was growling, it was angry with me, and it would stay angry until I gave it food. It really made me nervous, so I would always try to eat something right away.

I used to believe…

When I was younger, I thought that if you slept with someone, that they owned your soul.

I have a box I called my "memory box". Well, when I was little I was puking in a trash can and grabbed my box and breathed in it to see if I could capture the smell.

To this day, every time I open it I get the smell of vomit. So now I tell people to open it just for laughs.

I used to believe…

When my brother was little, for whatever reason he ha an aversion to pooping. After a few days my mom became concerned and told him "Tyler, I know you need to poop"

To which my brother replied "NO I DONT I HAVE A CROUTON IN MY BOTTOM"

To this day I dont know exactly what he meant by that but he's 25 now and we still don't let him forget that.

I used to believe…

When I was young I was told that woman with consumption were alcoholics. And I believed that til I was about 20

I used to believe that the dust particles you see floating in the air were actually atoms. So, when my teacher said that atoms were so small you couldn't see them, I thought that I just had super powerful eyes.

I used to believe…

My family is made up of mostly women, so when I was growing up I was very conscious about looking fat and losing weight and all of that business which women obsess about. When I was little I wanted to be thin too.
I thought that the more you eat the more would come out the other end and the more weight you would lose.
Needles to say I ended up being a very large child

I used to believe that people always snore when they sleep (I blame my father for this one). So when my mother would come to see if I was awake in the morning, I would perform the "realistic" snore I practiced...it went something like this: Ho-pish-shish-shh. I've never heard anyone snore like that, but I thought I was totally fooling her because my snore was so good.

i used to look at the horizon and use my finger to take little steps from where i was up to the horizon and since it took like 3-4 steps little finger steps i thought i could actually walk there in 3-4 steps.

I used to think that when somebody was in a coma, it meant that they were in a full-body cast. I thought the actual full-body cast was called a coma.

I used to believe…

When I was maybe 4-7 I thought that you only had as much blood in your body as you were born with, and you could never make more. I was quite afraid of bleeding, since I thought that my body's blood supply was slowly being depleted and if I got too many scrapes I would soon die.