body functions

I used to believe…

When I was in 7th grade my friend was absent from school one day. I talked to her later that night and asked her why and she told me her bladder had exploded. The next day at school I went around telling everyone what had happened and they all felt terrible for her.

I'm now in 9th grade and she just told me last week that she was kidding.

I used to believe that if I thought about it really hard, I could move stuff with my mind like in the Matrix. I took a spoon out of the drawer and stared at it for 10 minutes straight hoping it would bend. No luck. I also thought this was how I could fly. That didn't work either. Thinking only gets you so far I guess.

I used to believe that rubbing your fore head, left to right, 3 times with your right hand, kissing your head, then rubbing once more would rub away the bad dreams.

I used to believe…

When I was little, my grandfather (who had a big pot belly) would always burp when I poked him in the belly. I could do this ten times in a row and he would burp just as loud each time. I assumed that a person's belly acted as a "burp button" and that people burped automatically when their bellies are poked. I tried it on myself and nothing happened. After repeated attempts and no burps, I began to believe that my body was defective. My parents reassured me that I was healthy and explained (to my disappointment) that my grandfather was only playing along. I don't know why I didn't think to test this out on anybody else before assuming that there was something wrong with me!

I used to believe that ambulances were for people who vomited needles....?

I used to believe…

When I was a kid I thought girls peed out of there vaginas...woops!

I used to believe…

When I was a little girl (about 7), me and my family were on holiday in a hotel with paper thin walls. Next door to us, were an immature, Timmy Mallet-like couple and about 3 small kids. One day I had a poo on the toilet and I heard the man say to his wife and kids "Did you just hear that person do a poo?" and the family kept going on about it and laughing about it for about two days. I then thought that I must be part of a small minority of people who did poos and that Mum had just told me that everyone in the world did poos to make me feel better. I felt dirty and disgusting. But I felt miles better when I used the toilet at school one day and saw that another child had done a poo.

I used to believe…

When I was eight years old, I was a sometime latchkey kid (but without the key as we lived in a rural area and no one locked their doors) and when the bus dropped me off at home after school, I might have to hang out for anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour on my own. Perhaps a week after a lesson in school about how fevers over 106 degrees fahrenheit are fatal, I became sick toward the end of the day.

I came home, changed into pajamas, and took my temperature as I climbed into bed. It was 100.8 deg. F, and on the digital thermometer we had, I read that not as one-hundred-point-eight, but as one-hundred eight. I started praying that God would not let the fever kill me before my mom came home. That was the longest fifteen minutes of my life. Thankfully, she set me straight. (and gave me some asprin and some cold water and tucked me in.)

I used to believe that you could hold your breath as long as you wanted. My dad could hold his breath for years. It seemed like years...unfortunately, I learned to tell time on a watch. Sooo, we are talking, maybe 1:40 seconds, tops.

I was always really scared when I was younger that I would get breast cancer but I didn't know how to tell or how to check for it. The advertisements just scared me a lot.

I used to believe…

We all know what going to the toilet and defining what #1 and #2 are, well, I believed that diarrhea was #3 as it seemed to combine 1+2. I actually thought there was a human body short circuit where the two were getting combined internally.

I thought girls peed out of their butt. My brother told me a story that a long time ago, he used to think that girls had penises in their butt that peed. I knew there wasn't a penis in there, but I seriously thought they peed out of there.

I'm 14 now and I was talking with my friends a few weeks ago about it and they said "They don't pee out of their butts."

I felt like a genius.

I used to believe…

When i was around 8 or 9 i had been to the clinic and i had an eye test.
My eyes weren't too good but i didn't need glasses and i had been told i had rugby shaped eyes which is uncommon.
Everyone i knew had round eyes.

So for about a year i went round pretending i had special eyes and when ever a car went past i would look inside the car window and kinda open my eyes really wide and see there future (Like Neji out of Naruto the anime.. if u have seen it.) and the drivers would just give me a weird look.

Then one day my brother tried doing it but i told him u cant do it because u have round eyes so then he faked to my mum that he needed an eye test.
So off we go to the clinic again and guess what... there was nothing wrong with his eyes but he had rugby shaped eyes.
I was so jealouse so i thought whats the point in having a special power if someone who u see everyday has the same one.

So as i got older as now im 16 i thought wow them drivers must of thought i was weird haha.

I used to believe…

As I child, I had a skewed version on how the digestive system works. I didn't understand the concept of acids then, so I thought that there were tons of sharp blades and rotating turbines to keep the food down in your throat.Then went into your intestines, which were like little subway stations. All the food bits would then be delivered to the correct spots in your body.

I used to believe…

When I was younger I honestly though that I could make a shrinking machine with my Receiver, VCR & a Microphone.

I used to believe…

When I was a year old, I believed if I hid my face, my mother couldn't see me because I couldn't see her.