body functions

I used to believe…

My brother had figured out to watch the oncoming traffic to see when their traffic light changed. So he totally impressed me with his super powers when he waved his hands and said "Green light now!" and the light would change. It took me some time to figure it out.

I used to believe…

When i was 6 i once came down with a terrible fever, so my mother rugged me up in bed with lots of warm blankets and i slept for what felt like a week. It was nightime when i woke up & was very upset that my family wasn't all sitting around my bed crying. I found them in the family room eating dinner & watching a movie!

but very relived to hear i had only slept from 12:00pm - 6:00pm not a week!

I heard the Icarus story for the first time as a young child (for those who don't know, it is a Greek myth about a man and his two sons who escape from prison by making themselves wings out of bird's feathers and wax, but Icarus flys too close to the sun, his wax melts, and he falls to his death-- the story is suppossed to teach the dangers of pride and arrogence). Since I was told the story in school, and teachers are suppossed to be trustworthy, I was convinced I could fly if I made myself some wings. But I didn't have any bird feathers or wax, so I settled on cutting out construction-paper feathers and taping them onto cardboard wings. I attribute my survival (and the fact I've never broken a bone) to my short attention span. I got bored with my "wings" and gave it up before they were done.

I thought I could blow up my hand by putting your thumb in your mouth and blowing(that happened in a cartoon) I did this, and was convinced my hand was a little bigger.

I used to think eating raw potatoes would give you "BEZORES".
Our family doctor told me this

I was around 6 years old when I got novacaine for the first time, when I had a cavity filled in. Well, anyone who's ever had novacaine knows that wherever you get it injected *feels* like it's fat, but it's actually not at all. After this appointment, my bottom lip felt SO fat and numb- being so young, and not having a mirror around, I thought that my lip was actully fat! And like, 5 times its original size. And I was running around yelling and crying at people not to look at me, because I supposedly had a very fat lip- I was mortified, and the funny part is, no matter how many times my mom told me that the size of my bottom lip has not, indeed, changed at all, I refused to believe her, and thought that she was just saying that to get me to feel better and stop yelling to not look at me.

I used to believe that in my sleep I wrote, scripted, directed and starred in my own dreams. I seriously believed that I was the best dream director in the world! I also believed that in the future there would be a way for me to record and then project my dreams onto a cinema screen!

I used to believe…

when i was really little i was scared to hold any more than 2 balloons in case they lifted me up and i flew away. when i got older i wanted to fly so i got about 6 helium balloons and jumped up and down. i didnt fly...:(

i had read in a roald dahl's book, that i could get appedicitis if i accidentally swallowed bristles of a toothbrush, and yes i did contemplate trying it, just to see if it works. it didn't.

I used to believe…

When my brother went to his karate lessons I would go outside and play. Once I grabbed a big stick I found and said to the plants there, 'Sway in the wind, my minions, sway!' and then it got really windy and I believed I had magic powers! I belived this for a while but then I belived I could control the sun whenever I said 'move' in my mind!

I used to belive that i could fly :/
when i was three, i thought that if i dressed up like a parrot, i could fly too...so i wore my bright red wellies, and my pink anorak with my blue pants...
...i then climbed onto the wall in my garden and up into the tree, then i jumped out... i was saved by a wonky nail sticking out that caught my pink anorak.

my dad still has the video of me dangling from that tree, and never fails to play it at family occasions :/

I used to think "dung" was a type of chocolate (thank you, neopets). One time I went camping, and I REALLY had to poop, so I ran into a forest and...yeah, and it was kinda embarrasing so I smushed it with a stick.

20 minutes later, my cousins [from england] and I decided to take a walk in the forest. My oldest cousin shouts, "Watch out! Don't step in that dung!"
I thought he meant don't step in it or it won't be ok to eat. I was so proud of myself! I created chocolate by pooping! So instead of stepping in it, I picked it up and took a bite...and then barfed all over the place 10 minutes later.

I used to believe…

SINCE I WAS ABOUT 5 I WAS CONVINCEDWOMEN PEE OUT THERE BUTT, THOUGH CRUSHING THAT BELEF I WONDERED HOW THEY PEED AND POOPAT THE SAME TIME THEN AT ABOUT AGE 7 I FOUND OUT THEY HAD VJAY-JAYS.......

I used to believe…

When I was about 4 I saw a man in a wheelchair and thought that everyone should just be lazy and should have a wheelchair with a potty in it. I also thought that everyone should give me a pound coin so I could be rich and I thought it was mean of them not to!

I used to believe there were little people inside my body, and they masher up our food when you digest it with those things people mash potatoes with. I also thought they pushed sleep up through your eye (like a big boulder).

I used to - and kind of still do - believe that if you hold back your sneezes, your head would explode.

I hold back my sneezes... dundundun...