body functions

I used to believe that, when you hummed, no one else could hear you. I would go around making all sorts of ridiculous sounds and making up little songs.

I wondered why people kept staring at me in public.

I used to believe…

When my daughters were little, like three or four, I devised a clever plan to teach them not to whine. When they used a whiny tone of voice I would cock my head and say, "Gee I almost thought I heard someone say something. But I can't hear a whiny voice, only normal tones of voice. I hope if anyone is trying to say something to me that they use a normal tone of voice because if they don't I'll never know what they want."
They both believed this as I made it a rule to NEVER pay attention to whining. (I would listen when they changed their tone and spoke without whining)

Niether child whined after the first few times!

I used to believe…

When I was 4 years old, I believed, quite logically, that the more medicine you consumed, the quicker you got better. Apparently that is not the case as i had to get my stomach pumped.

I used to believe…

My big brother who is only 18 months older convinced me when I was little that he had radar in his head so he alway knew where our parents were. So if we got lost I was never scared if i was with him because of his magic inteni which would pop out of his head and tell him where our parents were.

I used to believe that if you were allergic to something, you would sneeze whenever you got near it. No other symptoms, just sneezing. I also used to believe that you could be allergic to objects like floors or books or plates.

I thought that the chicken-pox was actually 'chicken-pops'.

I used to believe…

When I was in kindergarten I went to the zoo on a field trip. While I was there a giraffe licked me and a couple of days later I got the chicken pox. So for a very long time I believed that giraffes give people chicken pox. Crazy I know.

I used to believe…

Like the American singer, R. Kelly, I also used to believe I would be able to fly..... if I tried hard enough and I tried everything! I tried jumping off the sofa and flapping my wings frantically...er..sorry, my arms...but to no avail. I tried sitting on a broomstick and saying Abracadabra like Meg the Mog in the children's books ( NOT a good idea). I couldn't understand why I couldn't sit on the damn thing! Meg the Mog did in the books that they read to us at school. ( I was only five at the time). I even thought that maybe, if I turned the broom around with the brush facing forwards, it would help me to fly better but sadly, I remained earthbound! Since that time, I have developed a deep abhorrence of anything to do with Meg the Mog, witchcraft and also, broomsticks!

I used to believe…

When I was a kid I used to believe that I could fly up in the sky with kites.

I believed the only thing keeping me from flying was a lack of wings, and that i simply has to make some to be able to soar. Banana tree leaves and ferns taped to my arms left me disappointed after jumping from a planter several times and being unable to flap hard enough.

I was also the child who watched too many cartoons and thought a jacket, garbage bag, or sheet could be used efficiently as a parachute. Yes. I tried all three. My parents finally had a sit-down with me about randomly jumping off the roof.

I used to believe…

My dad told my sister that you had to watch out for Comas because you could be walking down the street and just slip into one. For the longest time my sister would warn people about comas.

I used to believe that all people wearing head phone are deff.

I always thought through my childhood and a few teenage years, benadryl was actually opium because of its effects and the real brand name of benadryl was 'Purple Opium'. Through jr. high I never understood why my friends were surprised that I had taken opium when I was absent from school.

I used to believe…

When I was younger, I saw a TV show where there was a guy who had passed out and was lying on the ground. A girl got down and started feeling his wrists and his neck for a moment, then shouted, "I found a pulse!" and the guy woke up. From then on, I thought for certain that if you just touched someone's wrist for a while, you could find a pulse and save their life. I wondered why paramedics sometimes weren't able to save people's lives, if it was that easy.

I used to believe…

When I was about six years old, my mother told my little brother, two years younger than me, that girls are "made of sugar and spice and everything nice." This made my little brother think that we girls never did things like pass gas. One day, when we were playing outside, I accidentally let one rip, and he came to the conclusion that I was in fact a boy dressed as a girl. He then referred to me as his big brother for the next three years.

i used to imagine that 2 ants( or some other kind of bug) lived in my stomach ,and ate all the little bits of food. i have no idea why i thought this.