body functions

I thought that as you ate, your body filled up with food. I reasoned that that's why we got bigger, to hold all the food we ate. I remember being around six, sitting at the breakfast table, thinking that I must be full from at least the knees down.

I used to believe…

When I was about 6 or 7 years old, for some reason, I believed that if I couldn't hear myself breathing I had obviously stopped breathing altogether and was liable to drop down dead at any moment. So I started breathing really loudly, really inhaling and exhaling deeply, so I could always hear myself. One night my dad was reading me a bedtime story and I was listening along, breathing really deeply. He asked me if I was alright - i sounded like I had asthma or something. I explained what I was doing and he put my mind to rest. I was a strange child...

I used to believe…

When I was little, I always felt bad when I didn't hear someone say something and made them repeat it because I thought everyone only had so much breath in them and that I was killing them by making them say something twice.

I used to believe…

When I was little, I use to believe that the reason people stretched all the time was because if they sat too long they would shrink, so stretching was a way to get back the original size.

I decided one day when I was 5 or so that if you can breath through your mouth and nose you should be able to drink though your mouth and nose too. I had a big glass of grape juice and and straw. I put the straw up one nostril and inhaled deeply. I found out the hard way that this wouldn't work. I also found out that grape juice stains.

I used to believe…

My mom told me when i was about 4 that if I keep sniffing instead of blowing my nose when it was runny that my head would explode. I believed this for a very long time. I never sniffed and when I saw my friends do it in daycare I would freak out and start yelling at them to stop unless they wanted their head to explode!

I used to believe…

When I was very smallI saw a program that showed people cutting up worms, and it described how the worms would regenerate. At that age, I assumed that the human world and the animal kingdom were pretty much the same. I decided that arms, legs, and fingers could do the same if you cut them off. But, for some reason I knew getting your head lopped off was very bad. My mother and I were in a supermarket when I saw a man with one arm. I confidently blurted out, "Hey mister, how long will it take for your arm to grow back?" Thankfully, he smiled. Before he could answer, my mother dragged me away and set me straight. When she asked me how I came to the conclusion that people could grow their limbs back, I shouted through big tears, "The worms mommy! The worms!"

I used to believe that I would never get married because I snored. I thought that no boy would ever like a girl that snored.

My husband snores way worse than me!

I used to think that everyone had a ball of hair wound tight inside their head. The ball would unwind and our hair would grow, but when there was no more ball of hair, you went bald. Everyone had different size balls of hair in their cranium and depending on how big your ball was, determined how long until you went bald.

I used to believe…

When i was little i believed that pads were for moms and dads. Whenever they would go to work they would put one on so that they could pee their pants (since they didn't have a bathroom break like we did at school) and nobody would know.

I used to believe…

When I was 8, my mother was very pregnant with my sister. Whenever she went to the bathroom, I'd stand guard by the door because I used to believe the baby might fall into the potty and I'd have to rescue it.

I thought that since boys sat down when they went #2 and stood up when they went #1, and since girls sat down for #1, they had to poo standing up because it just all made sense when I was little.

I used to believe…

once, when very young, i walked in on my dad peeing. for a few years later, I insisted that he had been peeing out of his thumb!

I used to believe…

When I was about 4 years old I used to believe that light colored foods (like popcorn, mashed potatoes) were "processed" into urine (because it was light colored) and dark colored foods were "processed" into poop (because it was darker). I didn't think solids or liquids had anything to do with it, it was all based on color.

I used to believe…

When I was 7 I had a bit of a bed wetting problem so the doctor gave my parents a contraption that consisted of a foil sheet that lay under my bed sheet and a box that buzzed if the sheet got wet. Now the buzzing box probably had a battery but I thought it ran on electricity and I knew that electricity and water DID NOT mix. I was petrified that when I wet the bed I'd be electricuted. Whatever problem I had that made me a bed wetter was quickly replaced by the fear of being killed by my Buzzer in the middle of the night.

I used to believe…

My grandfather once told me that you could not pee and poop at the same time, and if you did, you would explode. So for the next 10 years I never let any poop out while I was peeing. Until one day i figured what the heck, and did both at once. It emptied me out in half the time. I was so happy :)