body functions: farting

i used 2 believe that when you farted all your insides would come out thats why everyone went eww when you farted, i tried for ages not to fart and i used to get really upset when i did

I Used To believe that if you farted too much the air would go out of you and you will shrivel up and die.

I belived that if I pushed my butt cheeks together then the fart would come out smaller.

My mom had two cousins who convinced her that they could see farts. My mom could never find them so her cousins would draw pictures of them. The farts were perfect ovals and they were clear-ish and had smiley faces. It took her about 30 years to realize her cousins were lying.

My favorite excuse:

Must be those trouser geese again!

I used to think that by filling the immediate air with noxious gases would hamper my growth! I am 6ft 2 you know...With a painful stomach cramp!

When I was young I believed that if you farted when it was cold outside smoke would come out of your bootie the same way it does mouth. So when I would have to fart and I was waiting for the school bus I would hold it until I was sure that no cars were coming by so that no one would no that I pooted.

i believed if u farted so loudly and violently u would fly up into space and explode by the almighty gases inside u. i still believe this now and i have never farted loudly since!!

I was told in first grade that if you fart burp and sneeze at the same time you would blow up

I used to believe that farts were triangular with the ends rounded so they wounded hurt.

I used to think that farting was the sound the food I ate crying. My uncle used to tell me 'Dont be embarrassed about farting in public, A fart is just the cry of a lonely turd'
Then hed do his famous fart poem

Excuse the gas that had to pass
just be happy I have a clean ass.

He was pretty gross!

When I was little I used to think that if you farted in the shower it wouldn't smell cos the water would wash it clean.

When I was little my mom used to tell me I was killing the o-zone layer with my poo-gases.

Ahh, childhood...so many stories.

A friend of my moms (still friends) use to tell me and my brother not to fart around cigarettes or a match cause our butts would 'blow off'. I wasn't afraid of something that never happened so on that same day we went to pick up my mom from work, I leaned to the front seat and asked.

"Mommy, if I put a match to my butt and fart...will it blow up?"

There was a pause, my mom looked at her friend and her friend looked like a frog holding in air, then BOOOOM!! Burst of laughter and I knew that the woman friend was lying the whole time.

When I was young my mum told me that things that smell bad were poisonous. So every bathtime I would take an empty jamjar. I fill the jamjar with water and catch the bubbles from farts I did in the bath. Later on when my sister was a sleep i would sneak into her room and take the lid off the jar and let her breath the poisonous fumes in her sleep. To my disapointment se survived for over a week and is still alive

I used to believe that my mom couldn't fart..For years you'd hear or smell something, and we'd immediately say "DaD! Stop being so disgusting" and he's just smile. Until one day it happend again, and the standard procedure ensued, and he gave us the most ghastly look, thats when we realised that it was mom, cos she had a smirk the size of Africa on her face...