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My grandpa, who was the Champeen Farter of the East Coast, used 1 of 3 excuses when he'd rip a good one.
(imagine a thick Slovenian accent here, if you can:)
(1) (looks at floor) "Floors creakin'"
(2) (looks out window) "Thunder"
(3) (looks at me with big smile) "Frogs"
I truly believed my dad had a Magic Finger. Every time I pulled it, he farted. It wasn't until I was about 8 that I figured out it was more of a timing thing.
Up until 8th grade or so, I was convinced that I invented the word "Fart"
I was once told that if you farted while making a funny face or gesture with your body, you would stay with that expression or in that position forever. I told myself that it was rubbish, but never really had the guts to try it.
I used to belive that when u burped,u farted thru your mouth.
I was sure I had it figured out: exploding turds caused farts.
This is so embarrassing, but my dad used to tell us that when you fart it's your bodies way of telling you you have to go to the bathroom!! If we farted more than once he'd be like "Ok, go to the bathroom already!"
My babysitter told me that if you swallowed your gum, the next time you pooted, a bubble would come out of your butt.
My boyfriend apparently thinks he has amphibian farts. Every time he lets one go, he mentions "Frogs".
One day I passed gas and my daughter was right there (she was 3 at the time). I told her it was a low flying duck and to this day everytime she lets one go she says, "daddy I have a duck in my pants." Funny.
When I was in elementary school one of my guy friends told me that guys were the only ones who had stinky farts, and that girl farts smelled like perfume. I felt abnormal for a long time because mine usually did stink.
my grampa told me me when i was little that when you fart sitting down you have to lean a little to let it out or else it would sneak up your butt crack and blow your belt off. he also said that if you fart in church you have to sniff it all up before everyone else smells it.
My dad used to tell me that if I farted a really stinky fart that it would burn a hole in my underwear...I used to check every time.
When I was little when someone farted around me I freaked out. You obviously didn't want to breathe through your nose and smell it...so one would think to breathe through your mouth? Not me. I thought that if I would breathe through my mouth, my breath would smell like the fart and everyone could smell it thinking I farted. Needless to say there were probably many occasions where I turned blue from holding my breath.
When I was little every time my day would fart he would say it was a mouse on a motorcycle. I never saw any reason not to belive him. I always pictured something from a Tom and Jerry episode. Eventually I figured it out.
I used to think that if I farted when no one was around, I could repeat the phrase "excuse me" several times, each time using a different voice or tone, and that would make the smell disappear.
In elementary school I used to be starved for attention so if I was bored I would try to fart as loud as possible and everyone would laugh and pay attention to me. The more the teachers told me to stop the more I would want to fart. I found out if I ate lots of canned meat my farts would be loud and smelly and cause quite the commotion.
When we were little all of my friends and I believed that if you were touched by a person who farted, you would get the fart-touch. to make yourself immune you had to say "rooty-tootie-fresh-and-fruity, knock on wood!" and cross your fingers while counting to ten.
when i was about six, my dad told me that only girls farted, because he was trying to put the blame of his farts on my step-mum. i believed him up until i was about ten when i realised that boys did indeed fart.
When I was about 6 years old my mother told me "Mom's don't fart." I actually belived for most of my childhood that when a woman becomes a mother they lose their ability to fart.