body functions: farting

In elementary school I used to be starved for attention so if I was bored I would try to fart as loud as possible and everyone would laugh and pay attention to me. The more the teachers told me to stop the more I would want to fart. I found out if I ate lots of canned meat my farts would be loud and smelly and cause quite the commotion.

When we were little all of my friends and I believed that if you were touched by a person who farted, you would get the fart-touch. to make yourself immune you had to say "rooty-tootie-fresh-and-fruity, knock on wood!" and cross your fingers while counting to ten.

when i was about six, my dad told me that only girls farted, because he was trying to put the blame of his farts on my step-mum. i believed him up until i was about ten when i realised that boys did indeed fart.

When I was about 6 years old my mother told me "Mom's don't fart." I actually belived for most of my childhood that when a woman becomes a mother they lose their ability to fart.

my friend used to believe that if you didn't fart when you needed to it would go up and surround your heart and give you a heart attack

When my brother Paul was a young child, he would fart constantly! This earned him the nickname of "Stinky." My sister and I would yell at him all the time to stop, saying it was disgusting. My mother would DEFEND him, saying,"Leave the baby alone! It's POISON! If he holds it in, it will make him SICK! He must've really believed her, because today, he is 32 years old, and he hasn't changed one stinkin' bit...

Sometimes I would walk through a room and let a fart, and then say "Watch out for that barking spider". One day my 8 year old son jumped up on the couch to avoid the spider. That's when I found out that he thought barking spiders were real.

I thought that farts were invented one day by my parents when I was about three for the sake of my own amusement. I really thought that before this moment there had been no such thing.

I used to call farts, hearts which my parents thought was really cute. They never corrected me and I could tell them in public, "I hearted" and it never was rude

I used to think my family was the only one that farted. Except we didn't call them farts, we called them Boomies. I was in first grade one day and a kid next to me let one rip. I said excitedly "oh, you make boomies too?" The kid was like "I don't know what you're talking about, I farted"

Thanks Mom and Dad

i used to think that there were little men (they kinda looked like lawn gnomes) who lived inside your stomach and controlled some of your bodily funcions.

it was a very dark habitat (i can still picture it to-day) and there was a big golden river. this river was your pee. and the gnomes would put your poo into canons, and that was how you pooped. but they weren't very smart, so sometimes they fired the canon without loading it... that's why you farted. and that's why people were teased for farting a lot, cuz they had really stupid gnomes.

I used to believe that parents were magic and had special powers.
My parents told my brother and I that they could see green smoke coming from our bottoms, thats how they knew we had farted! It didnt occur to me that they might have actually used thier noses!!

One of my elementary school mates once told me that if you burped and farted at the same time, you would die.

It was hard to test, and I was afraid to, but once the feat actually occurred and I didn't die, I figured it must've been because it wasn't _exactly_ the same moment.