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farting

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i used to think that there were little men (they kinda looked like lawn gnomes) who lived inside your stomach and controlled some of your bodily funcions.

it was a very dark habitat (i can still picture it to-day) and there was a big golden river. this river was your pee. and the gnomes would put your poo into canons, and that was how you pooped. but they weren't very smart, so sometimes they fired the canon without loading it... that's why you farted. and that's why people were teased for farting a lot, cuz they had really stupid gnomes.

jessimocha
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I used to think that if I farted when no one was around, I could repeat the phrase "excuse me" several times, each time using a different voice or tone, and that would make the smell disappear.

Anon
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my grampa told me me when i was little that when you fart sitting down you have to lean a little to let it out or else it would sneak up your butt crack and blow your belt off. he also said that if you fart in church you have to sniff it all up before everyone else smells it.

sylvie
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When I was in elementary school one of my guy friends told me that guys were the only ones who had stinky farts, and that girl farts smelled like perfume. I felt abnormal for a long time because mine usually did stink.

Tiffany
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I was sure I had it figured out: exploding turds caused farts.

al
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I used to believe that if you farted in a jar and put it in the fridge it would turn into a cabbage by morning.

Silly Robbin
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I once asked my mother what whould happen if you held in a fart, not getting much response I asked would the gas poison your insides, to which she replied yes (being a mother now with 3 young kids constantly asking questions - I realise now she was not actually listening to me). Unfortunately I believed holding them in would kill me so from that day I would fart whenever the need took me - including a very loud embarrassing one in Kindy during the singing session. I put up with the humiliation of everyone laughing at me because I genuinely beleived I had saved my own life.

No Longer Farts in Public (not loud ones anyway)
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My children all believed , when they were young that dad ( me ) couldn't fart , because i'd had a fartectomy. We still laugh about how , whenever there was a bad smell in our house that " It can't be dad, he's had a fartectomy " was the response from the kids. My six year old grand-daughter nowadays is not quite as gullible.

Keith P.
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I used to think when you smelled a fart, that you were breathing in tiny pieces of poop.

brandypandy
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I used to think that only one person could fart at a time, and every time you did, someone else would breathe it in then they would fart it out then someone else would breathe it in, and so on.

sammy moo
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I used to believe that if you farted really hard, you could fart a hole in your pants. How dumb was that?

stargirl
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My Dad would always say after he farted that he " Shot a bunny " My daughter had a bunny and was always scared that grandpa was going to shoot it. The day that the bunny died my daughter 6 at the time was very angry with grandpa she thought he shot her bunny.Time to call it a fart!!!

mama cheryl
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In elementary school, we all used to believe that there was a nerve between your eyebrows that, if pushed with your thumb, would prevent you from smelling someone's fart. This was called "corking it".

Anon
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My mom used to tell me that if I swallowed my gum when I farted, I would blow a bubble out of my butt.

bubblebutt
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When I was young my mum told me that things that smell bad were poisonous. So every bathtime I would take an empty jamjar. I fill the jamjar with water and catch the bubbles from farts I did in the bath. Later on when my sister was a sleep i would sneak into her room and take the lid off the jar and let her breath the poisonous fumes in her sleep. To my disapointment se survived for over a week and is still alive

My parents made me do it
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My Granpa told me if i would fart and talk at the same time i would die. i remember the first time that happened and it scared me pretty bad.

Anon
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i used to believe that when you farted you carried an invisible bubble attached to your butt and that is why the smell seemed to follow you around :)

beth
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My mom told me if you farted in bed your feet would turn brown.

Tracy
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My mom had two cousins who convinced her that they could see farts. My mom could never find them so her cousins would draw pictures of them. The farts were perfect ovals and they were clear-ish and had smiley faces. It took her about 30 years to realize her cousins were lying.

Fart Faces
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Until I was about 6, I believed that nobody farted except the people in my family, because I never heard anybody else fart. Then, one day, I was walking with my older brother and a friend of his, who farted out loud. That, literally, blew my belief away.

last name rhymes with fartin'
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