body functions: farting

I remember when my sister was about 5, she would not fart in the tub. She thought that it would form a smelly-film on top of the water that would kling to every inch of your body when you were ready to get out of the tub.

I had heard the term "having gas pains", but didn't know that the "gas" was actually farts. One day in the fourth grade I was having a lot of stomach aching and I got up in class and announced to my teacher, "I think I'm having gas pains!". She looked absolutely disgusted and all the kids were laughing. My teacher then yelled back, "Well go to the bathroom then! What are you tellin' me for?!" After I found out what that meant, I just wanted to die!

I was told in first grade that if you fart burp and sneeze at the same time you would blow up

When I was 4 we were getting ready to move from Texas to Washington. My mom told me that it is illegal to fart in Washington. If I farted the "pooper scooper squad" would come and take me to the "pooper Pokey". I cried because I didn't understand how was supposed to hold my farts in.

when i was little, my parents put a jar on top of the refrigerator, and anytime any of us farted or belched, we had to put a whole dollar in the jar....boy, did i lose my weekly allowances very quickly.....

Until I was about 9, I believed farts were actually bubbles...rather unpleasant brown bubbles, to be specific. Farts sounded different because some involved just a few big bubbles bursting loudly, while others were the result of a large number of small bubbles popping in rapid succession. These bubbles also explained why one's underwear sometimes ended up stained at the end of the day. All quite internally consistent, when you think about it.

My grandmother told my father when he was young that whenever you farted, a "pooter tail" came out of your butt, which was what made the sound. He would back up to a mirror and try to see the pooter tail for years! He told me this when I was young enough to believe in it (and not realize that his mother was messing with him), so I started doing it! I never saw the pooter tail either, but I always imagined it to be a long, skinny flesh colored tube with an orchid at the end of it. The tradition continues!

I used to believe that if you smelled a boy's fart, you'd die of a heart attack in exactly 40 seconds. God only knows why....

I grew up thinking farting was really called beeping, until I said "Excuse me. I beeped." in class, and everyone cracked up.

I used to believe that my mom couldn't fart..For years you'd hear or smell something, and we'd immediately say "DaD! Stop being so disgusting" and he's just smile. Until one day it happend again, and the standard procedure ensued, and he gave us the most ghastly look, thats when we realised that it was mom, cos she had a smirk the size of Africa on her face...

I used to think farting was actually a semi transparent light brownish gas or that mustard gas was the same thing. Sort of like smoking passing through your jeans whenever it happens. Also thought it was poisonous for a while.

I used to believe that parents were magic and had special powers.
My parents told my brother and I that they could see green smoke coming from our bottoms, thats how they knew we had farted! It didnt occur to me that they might have actually used thier noses!!

When I was little my mother told me that if I said "excuse me" after I farted it wouldn't smell. I believed her and I still sometimes catch myself saying excuse me after farting hoping that no one will notice the smell.

When I was a kid, I believed white people didn't poop. The reason being is my childhood friend who was white ofcourse never "pooped" around me. I think she used to hold it. LOL I know, what kids think of.

When I was twelve years old, my friend Jason was telling his friends that only guys farted, and that girls never did. Well, my farts were so smelly, and I thought I was male for three months until Jason convinced me that I was a girl. He also told me that girls farted too :3.

I thought that you could capture a fart in a jar - Sound and all. The procedure was that you fart in the jar and put the lid on as quickly as possible. A fart in a jar could last as long as a week. As the week went by the fart degraded